OK... so... I've been lying to myself. And I guess to you guys along the way.
I DO have cholinergic urticaria. And it DOES get really bad, to the point where I can't even stand without feeling like I'm about to black out, barf, both, or just drop to the floor.
But I realized today that I am ABLE to push through it. Maybe it was just that today wasn't bad. I don't know.
Well... I began to feel the overwhelming urge to go outside and run. So... I went and found a C25K podcast with songs I'd enjoy listening to. And... I went.
And for the first time EVER, I was able to do the entire Week 1 Day 1 without stopping halfway through, or stopping and moaning and groaning about my head, my legs, my extremely itchy arms and head (and yes, they were EXTREMELY itchy), etc. I did the entire thing. And that was good.
And... does anyone else do this while they exercise? In order to keep me going, I kept telling myself in my head "you're strong, powerful, sexy, strong, motivated, sweet, kind, beautiful, hott, awesome, powerful, sexy... (I think you get the point).
So... I guess this was a breakthrough for me. A victory. And the confession was that I've been lying to myself and to you. I CAN do it. I just need to actually do it.
I'm actually looking forward to my next run. Which'll probably be either tomorrow evening or monday evening. I am only willing to run in the evenings. I can't do it during the day. Hot texas sun? No thanks.
And in the morning I'm so out of it that I don't want to. So... yeah. Hopefully I can do this. I CAN do this. Need to stop saying "hopefully" or "soon" or "will". But... NOW. DO IT. AAAAARGGHH!!! (happy arr scream... y'know... the kind they use in movies to show how 'pumped up' and excited they are?