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Its so hard to believe in me...

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Old 05-18-2010, 09:00 PM   #1
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Default Its so hard to believe in me...

I'm not quite sure that I will ever believe in me...I know that I SHOULD believe in me and NEED to believe in me...but how do I get there? What steps do I need to take?

Its not that my heart isn't in it...my heart is TOTALLY commited...but my mind says YOU CAN'T DO IT...and sadly, I listen.

I know that I could/should get up in the morning and work out, at least stretch but that extra 1/2 hour of sleep seems so much better, at least that's what my brain says...and my heart stays quiet.

I know that when I get home I should go right in my room, change and get out there and walk for a good 2 miles...but my brain says "You've worked hard all day, you deserve to sit down and rest" and you know what happens? I DON'T GET BACK UP!

I feel just awful when I look at myself in the mirror. I am disgusted when I feel that fat on my sides...I hate know that I have an entire closet full of clothes that I can't wear.

I just don't think I deserve it...

I NEED HELP!
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Old 05-18-2010, 09:03 PM   #2
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Then don't aim for 2 miles. Aim for 10 minutes. If you can't handle 10 min, go with 5 min. Just whatever amount it is to just get it DONE and show that negative mindset that you CAN and you DID and it can go stick it.

You an always build on your time later. Right now just getting going seems to be the main challenge.

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Old 05-18-2010, 09:24 PM   #3
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aim for 10, 20, 30 minutes whatever can get you moving. i would always tell myself i'll just walk ten minutes and then end up doing an hour. you have 2 try 2 find something you enjoy or find people who can keep you motivated who are into fitness. don't beat yourself up you can do this just start learning to love yourself no matter what. remember ur sacrificing for urself and u deserve it. you really aren't that far from your goal, you can do this! = )
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Old 05-18-2010, 09:27 PM   #4
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I know what you mean... it is so hard sometimes for me to believe in myself. I've tried this weight loss thing so many times, and failed. I truly, in my heart, want to be healthier and lose my excess weight, and live a different lifestyle, but then just when I get on a roll, something happens and my brain reminds me of the times I've failed.

We DO deserve it - I think it just takes a while to rewire ourselves so we listen to our heart instead of our head. It's like that line in Pretty Woman, when Edward tells Vivian she could be so much more and she says "the bad stuff is easier to believe". That's so true a lot of times.

For me, sometimes, I just need to focus on small victories... that first day that I come home and don't sit on the sofa, but go for a walk instead, I try to live off the good feelings that little success gave me. Then the next day, I try to remember how good I felt when I went for that walk, and do it again. Hopefully we can all take little steps together, and before long we'll be celebrating the big steps too
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Old 05-18-2010, 09:33 PM   #5
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Yes! What astrophe said! When I have one of those days, I say "just 10 minutes". My brain doesn't think that's so impossible, and usually, once I get it started, I want to keep going.
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Old 05-18-2010, 09:36 PM   #6
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As for believing in yourself, I definitely don't have the answers there. There are days when I feel like I can kick butt and take names, then there are days when I wonder why I'm even bothering. I'm still trying to figure it out.

As for motivation to work out, I've found it helpful to "trick" myself. I'll tell myself that I'll just work out for 10 minutes but by the time I'm 10 minutes into a workout the endorphins are kicking in and I want to finish. I'll also wear my workout clothes around the house so that when it comes time to exercise I don't have that excuse as a barrier.
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Old 05-18-2010, 10:00 PM   #7
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It's pretty easy for me to believe in myself when I'm acting like a responsible, committed person who can be trusted.

It's pretty difficult for me to believe in myself when I'm acting like a lazy, avoidant, selfish person who can't be trusted.

So I make the choice to act like a trustworthy person, and then I am able to believe in myself.

Note: Commitments to myself are just as important as commitments to other people. If my best friend desperately needed me to get up at 6 am to do something for her, there's no way I would miss doing that. So when *I* desperately need me to do that, why again would I miss doing it?
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Old 05-18-2010, 11:00 PM   #8
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I totally agree with WarMaiden, as well as the other comments that have been made. I often feel like that, but it helps when you have others supporting you and helping you to know your worth. Sometimes it just takes that extra "boost" to feel better about yourself. We're with the best support group for that!!! God bless...
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Old 05-18-2010, 11:58 PM   #9
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Believing in me has been a long process. Don't mean to hijack the thread, but this came to a head.

2 weekends ago, I took a big step.

*Deep breath*

I gave the *dirty look* to a tormentor from my childhood, a first for me, and he backed off.

This seemingly little thing, was a huge leap for me. The family still thinks he is the end all/be all friend of kids. *rolls eyes*

My Mom sent me a nice email the other day, catching me up on the family news, that included the "wife" of my tormentor. I answered back, yada, yada, blah, blah, with the exception of the tormentor, told her, I could care less about their health.

That may seem a bit harsh, but, after several other people, not all relatives revealed the truth, not one time has anyone ever asked me if I was ok. Or for that matter, if Cheri was ok, or if Nancy was ok, or if their adopted daughter was ok, no wonder she ran off and is to this day a wreck, and who knows who else we don't know about.

It's always all been about keeping up the family name/reputation or whatever you want to call it. "He was a good guy" Well he wasn't and isn't. and I'm sick of it. "It" is the reason I'm the messed up person I am. Along with the denial. I can't take it anymore. And I am not going to!

No more whoopie, whoopie, he was a 4-h leader and adopted a "poor relation" kid. The man is what he is. A child molester.

I am a good person, it was not my fault, and I don't want the guilt and shame any more.

I will no longer be a victim, I AM A SURVIVOR! From this day forward, I will take no blame, I will NOT be a party to the denial. I WILL hold my head up high and be the person I am meant to be.

One last thing, I don't want any sorry's. There is only one person who can apologize, and that will never happen. Just send me happy thoughts. And thanks for listening. Love Ya!
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Old 05-19-2010, 06:24 AM   #10
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Hi and welcome.

I'm glad you're heart is in it, but in all actuality, it's your mind that you are going to need to pull you through this and keep you in it. That is for you, me, and everyone else that's in the same boat. Transitioning from one habit to another is not exactly easy at first, you have to want it bad enough... you must be willing to undergo behavior modification and make the final choice to push yourself. What are you waiting for...20 more pounds? You must know for certain if you have hit your bottom to break the cycle.

You have 45 pounds left to lose, 5 down. So let's simplify it a moment and break it down...think of it like this....I've lost 48.5lbs since Feb... 3 months. Come August/September, if you make your daily diet and exercise goals like some others suggested above for you to commit to, you can lose those 45lbs. By August/September! You are not that far away from getting where you want to be. If you do not get on track soon, with further delay you may acquire a lot more to lose and you will look back to this day with extreme regret.

Exercising and moving around a bit hurts a lot less than self loathing. We all have days where we do not feel like exercising and analyze our exhaustion and want to give in to it, especially those of us who work or are running after our children all day. When I started exercising again, I only did it for little bits and worked my way up. I kind of had no choice, lol...The first time I went for a walk outside in Feb, I swear, I was back home in 10 minutes on my planned "mile long walk." I was so tired and my calves and back hurt so much, I just couldn't go any further. I was so bummed out and down on myself. I have an elliptical and treadmill at home, but back then, I couldn't even do 90 SECONDS on the elliptical. I worked time up in baby steps. How disappointed I was in myself gave me ammunition.

You enjoy that extra half an hour of sleep, I feel ya there. Now imagine for a moment how much more you will enjoy it if you exercised some the evening before (again, baby steps), knowing that your body is burning fat more fervently while you sleep than if you hadn't even moved around. Also, your chances of not even needing that extra 1/2 hour are greater. Most likely, you will be sleeping better ....and when you do rest, it will be more soundly, resulting in less need for that extra sleep because your energy levels will increase.....and you will have a happier sense of self. I used to love to sleep in til noon on Sat & Sun....the past 2 months, I can't sleep past 8am even if I try to.

There's only one you and you are very valuable, start saying that to yourself every morning in the mirror. Pretend your reflection is your FRIEND telling yourself that out loud....speak it until you speak it with passion, it works, as coo-coo as you may feel doing it. I do it all the time, lol, it keeps me adjusted. Be your own best friend. 45 pounds...in 3-4 months...90'ish short days, you can do it!

Stick around here to gather up strength for your decision on whether you want to live in your body or just exist in it. You're in the right place to make that determination.

Good luck. I hope to see you in the progress pic section soon. Sending oodles of positive energy your way!
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Old 05-19-2010, 10:31 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FatChiconaMission View Post

Its not that my heart isn't in it...my heart is TOTALLY commited...but my mind says YOU CAN'T DO IT...and sadly, I listen.

I know that I could/should get up in the morning and work out, at least stretch but that extra 1/2 hour of sleep seems so much better, at least that's what my brain says...and my heart stays quiet.

I know that when I get home I should go right in my room, change and get out there and walk for a good 2 miles...but my brain says "You've worked hard all day, you deserve to sit down and rest" and you know what happens? I DON'T GET BACK UP!
I feel like I could have written this myself! I did the same this morning. Said I was going to get up and exercise.. did I? Nope! And now I am mad I didn't. Just start small like everyone else said. If I tell myself just 20 mintues once I am on the treadclimber it easily turns into 40. GOOD LUCK!

Quote:
Originally Posted by shcirerf View Post
One last thing, I don't want any sorry's. There is only one person who can apologize, and that will never happen. Just send me happy thoughts. And thanks for listening. Love Ya!
I will just say GOOD FOR YOU! Be proud of yourself for holding your ground.
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Old 05-19-2010, 10:53 AM   #12
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I just have to say that I LOVE 3FC!!!!!!!

I had a really bad day yesterday. Talked myself right out of going to the gym and then went on a HUGE binge. I didn't even know why!!!!! My attitude was great and I ate on plan all day and was dressed and ready to go to the gym and then my little voice said "Nah.." and I listened.

I felt so sorry for myself last night and totally regretted eating what seemed like 10 times the calories I was supposed to be eating. For me, I've realized that it really is an everday struggle. I have to be present and make conscious choices of what I am going to eat and what I am going to feed my son.

I have forgiven myself for last night. I am moving forward today. I don't want to be that unhappy girl that feels hopeless anymore. I know she's still in there but I'm trying to show her a new girl that is happy with her accomplishments. That girl can and DOES accomplish the goals she sets!! I have also contact some counseling services. I realize that I need some professional insight on my self-sabatoging. I think I need some outside influence to help reprogram my internal tape recorder.

All I know is that we all deserve to be healthy. It is our God given right. I know how hard it is to change that voice in your head. I don't have any advice but I wanted you to know that you sure aren't alone.

Hugs!!!
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Old 05-19-2010, 11:53 AM   #13
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I Am The Complete Same Way. I Hate It. Its All Mental And I Know That But Mental Or Not I Cant Seem To Do It. Ive Failed So Much.
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Old 05-19-2010, 01:26 PM   #14
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You do deserve a healthy life, I believe in you that you can do this. Turn that negetive mindset into a positive and taking each day a learning journey. I wish you good luck and don't give up!!
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Old 05-19-2010, 02:33 PM   #15
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One thing to think about is if someone you loved came to you and asked you to believe in them, would you tear them down, tell them they sucked, tell them they could never achieve what they wanted? No! So why can't you be a friend to yourself? When those negative thoughts creep in, instantly start being a friend to yourself, and turning those thoughts into positive ones. I have hard days too, where I feel like I am never going to look how I want, I haven't hardly lost anything, I still look exactly the same. None of the above is true if I can dig deep and be the change I want in my life. Only you can decide that you are worth having the life you dream of starting today. You CAN do it. Start with baby steps. Maybe change your shoes before you leave work, and right when you get home go for a walk. Even if it is only 5 minutes. That's better then 0 minutes! You can do it. You just have to believe in yourself, and when you don't, talk yourself into believing in yourself.
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