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Old 05-05-2010, 01:31 PM   #1
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I've always been the caregiver. I was the oldest child by 7 years then married a only child. Somehow I lost myself. I stopped taking care of myself several years ago.
I just stopped caring. I keep my hair long and unstyled. my clothes are just jeans and teeshirts. I have not worn makeup in years.
I'm sure this some of my problem with yo-yo dieting. Last year I lost 93 lbs and just stopped trying and gained 50 back. So I know how to lose weight just not how to love myself enough to keep it off.
I want to take time for myself but somehow I feel guilty. I see clothes I like and I'll say " Oh thats cute but it's too much". I buy my clothes by need not desire.

ANY SUGGESTIONS..I DON"T HAVE ANY OTHER SUPPORT SYSTEM.
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Old 05-05-2010, 01:41 PM   #2
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Sometimes you need to love yourself more than anyone else. It's okay to be selfish when your mental and physical health are on the line. And I know, it's easier said than done.

Good luck!
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Old 05-05-2010, 01:46 PM   #3
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Trying doing something new. Get your hair cut and styled. It's weird, but sometimes a little change like that just makes you feel so good about yourself that it motivates you to do more. Like after a workout, even though I'm fat I still feel so much better about myself than if I hadn't gone.

I remember I use to never get dressed nice or wear make up. I thought I was so fat that trying to look cute would just look comical to people, I finally got over it and still every now and again when I feel down about myself I go get a new hair cut or buy some new clothes and get compliments that make it all feel worth it.
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Old 05-05-2010, 01:58 PM   #4
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I learned this the hard way also...I am a nurse and caregiver. I used to see stuff I would like and not get it because I would think "Or....I could buy my girls this...or use the money for that". So here I had these cute little girls and I just looked like a frump. I decided that I was just as important and deserved stuff too. Don't get me wrong, I don't buy whatever I want whenever, but I do get my hair done 3-4 times a year and every once in a while I'll buy an outfit or book or movie (or whatever).....and as little as these things may seem, they do really good for the self-esteem. I say you need to put yourself at the top of the priority list too and don't feel guilty if you buy yourself something or do something for yourself.....it's good for you and your spirit!!
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Old 05-05-2010, 02:07 PM   #5
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I know where you are coming from. Maybe not to your extreme but recently I bought myself a couple new nice pieces of clothes, some new earings and changed my hair colour. Even wearing lip gloss when I normally didn't helps me feel good.

I have also been reading some self-help books about codependency - not saying this is your problem, but these books have been helping me to feel better about me and stop worrying about everyone else. Take the time to do what I need to do and make sure I am doing what makes me happy. Funny that reading these books lead to me being more girly - I always wore makeup, but now I paint my nails, where lip gloss, I even stop wearing runners. I can't help by think this is related to the books.
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Old 05-05-2010, 02:43 PM   #6
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Thanks you guys I just need to do it
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Old 05-05-2010, 03:33 PM   #7
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I have the same problem. I use to be so meticulous and I let myself go. I too think I ought to spend money on anything except my appearance.

I am starting simple. I wear clear polish and lip gloss. I use creams and lotions to keep my skin nice and soft. I am working on my feet now that I can reach them. I recently went to the thrift shop to buy better fitting clothes and forced myself to throw away the well worn fat clothes. The other day I saw how ratty and huge an old favourite shirt had become that when I took a shower that day, I took the shirt off and threw it in the trash. This is something I am making myself do, even if it means I have a tiny wardrobe. Better fit is becoming more important to me.

The next step for me is to pick colours and styles that I like, even if it remains being ultra cheap clothing, because I don't want to invest in transitional clothing. Then I want to add soft colours, perhaps a soft pink lipstick and fingernail polish.

It seems to be easier and less threatening to do this slowly. As weight comes off, the inspiration starts to come back. I started a collection of pictures I keep in a folder called "I would wear that". Any item of clothing or shoes that catches my eye, I copy into that folder. I am hoping one day I will be able to get a better sense of how I want to dress, a sort of signature style that is just me.
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