To answer the OP's question, I think that fat girls can use the word fat. No one has the right to tell you not to have a personal opinion.
I would be annoyed with my BF too if he told me I shouldn't express myself. That being said, the men in my life (my father and my boyfriend) hate talking about other people (gossiping in their opinion) because they think it has no constructive use when you bash other people. I remember my mother being very upset when my father would shush her when she was expressing some opinion about his family members and reply "are you perfect? if not, why are you bashing other people"... and my mother would feel like he didn't respect her and just let her voice an opinion. My father has learned now just to be supportive and listen to my mother express fully what she had to say.
Shakira is incredibly beautiful and I would trade bodies with her too. Her moves are insane. Hips Don't Lie music video adequately portrays my envy.
Kate Winslet, Kelly Clarkson, Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson are all beautiful women who are constantly bashed for being overweight. I can't imagine the pressure they must feel to be "perfect".
And I definitely think your BF got peeved because he's a fan and he's thinking, "how can you call anyone fat if you yourself are?". But I think it's okay to note and say something like, "oh it looks as if she's put on some weight". I don't think that's criticizing, just saying what is. Just as if to say, oh, "I think she's dyed her hair, didn't it used to be brown?" or "I think she's lost weight, she looks slimmer". So I don't think it's wrong of someone who is overweight to notice that someone else is too... Just because we ourselves are doesn't mean that we can't notice when someone else IS.
I agree completely! I made a comment to my friends about how I'd seen Kelly Clarkson on So You Think You Can Dance and that I was surprised by how much weight she'd gained. I hadn't seen her in a while so I didn't realize she'd gained weight. I don't think there's anything wrong with commenting about something like that. HOWEVER, I am not fond of using the word "fat" to describe someone. It just sounds so harsh.
I was at work last week and a coworker was commenting that she'd seen an old college friend recently and how, "She was fat!!!". The way she said that made me wince. It just sounds so cruelly judgmental. And I remember how it feels to see someone from your past after having gained weight.
Actually, calling her "unhealthy" bothers me more than calling her "fat". "Unhealthy" is the passive-aggressive, "mean girls" code for "fat". So many times, I have heard people being mean about someone behind her back, talking about how much they dislike her, and then, without missing a beat: "And I'm really worried about her health. She seems so much more unhealthy these days. She's going to have health problems, if she isn't careful. I am so concerned." It's all BS of course: they aren't really worried--they were just insulting the person. It's just code for "God, she's a fat slob, I can't believe she did that to herself! What's wrong with her? I can't stand to look at her. I'd never do that".
Actually, calling her "unhealthy" bothers me more than calling her "fat". "Unhealthy" is the passive-aggressive, "mean girls" code for "fat".
When I read this I laughed so hard, I nearly choked. I can list a hundred times (at least) in my life when family, friends, aquaintences and even strangers expressed "concern" over my health (ignoring major "health concerns" in themselves and other non-fat associates such as chain-smoking, substance abuse, indescriminate and unprotected sex, and other hazardous behavior).
The chain-smokers worrying about MY health were especially ironic - "I'm worried [hack, hack] about your [hack, hack, wheeze] health.
WOW... I am pretty much disgusted with this thread, so I felt I needed to comment...
We are all here because we are on this weight loss journey...some have hundreds of pounds to lose and some have 5. But we are all here and we all share the same need and desire to be healthy.
With that said....I know what it feels like when someone calls me fat or some other name that is intended to be hurtful. I understand that this thread was started talking about a celebrity, which good for her if she put on a few pounds... I am tired of the media and other people making a big deal of celebrities that put on some weight. They are people too and they have the same hardships as us. It makes me feel better knowing that people in the spotlight aren't always about being a size 0 to be beautiful. I saw the American Idol where she was on and even though I don't like her music and I am not a fan, I thought she looked beautiful. She had some curves, but did not appear to be unhealthy.
We are all people and most people will be judgmental at one point in time or another. I am not perfect and I have said my fair share of things that I shouldn't have said. But since I have started this weight loss journey and seeing first hand how hard it is, I have a little more respect about what I am saying. Thinking stuff is one thing, but saying it aloud to other people might be crossing the line.
TO wrap this up.... I would love to have shakira's body... so if people out there think she is fat...good lord what would they say about me???
I think this thread is a bit interesting so I thought I would jump in.
I personally only use the "fat" word when I apply it to myself and that is never in a positive way. I do see that word and term as a negative thing so I can see why people would get upset if you called their crush or whatever "fat." I do think everyone can express themselves how they see fit, but I do get why someone would say "Hey you're overweight and you're calling other people fat! You can't do that!" Meaning, it is a judgmental word and you wouldn't like it if someone came up to you, randomly, and said you were fat. So, I can see that point, however of course you can express yourself freely. I don't feel there are "rules" perhaps there are manners and tact, which was probably lacking in this situation on both sides of the argument.
Personally, I have sometimes commented about celebrities to friends etc. I remember seeing Dolly Parton after LONG time, I mean my last member was from her in Steel Magnolias, and I was like "WOW! She has CHANGED!" meaning she has obviously had tons of plastic surgery. I don't really care if someone is overweight or not. I mean people are people, we come in all shapes in sizes. Who cares if someone is a bit curvier or overweight. I don't get that whole obsession over celebs and their weight to be honest. I remember seeing all these news postings about Jessica Simpson and I just didn't get it. I get as a celeb you put yourself out there and yadda yadda. However, when I see CNN talking about a celeb's weight on the FRONT page for like TWO days...well then that really sums up society! lol
By the way I thought Jessica looked nice and I still think she does. I think Kathy Bates looks great too! Yes she is overweight, but she is beautiful, talented, amazing woman in my eyes! Etc etc...
I agree with beaka, I wouldn't call someone "Fat" because we know the struggle of being overweight. I do notice when an celeb has gained but to call them fat no....just out of shape. being that they have sooooo much $$ They can easily fix it. LOL
When I was in my heavier days I refused to buy clothes, I would tell dh "I refuse to dress up fat." I figured if I did it was sort of saying that I excepted the way I looked. So yes, back then I did use the word with myself but I wouldn't with anyone else.
That Shakira in that shape, could be seen as "fat and unhealthy" by anyone boggles my mind. I'm offended, not on Shakira's behalf, but for all women - because those standards are killing us. Women are deciding that losing weight is hopeless because they can't look like Shakira. If perfection can't be attained, the journey isn't worth taking. Others are risking their health to try to match a standard that won't work for their bodies, through diet and even surgery. The "window" of beauty is so narrow, that no one measures up (especially in the age of PhotoShop when even the celebrities and supermodels reality doesn't match their image in the media).
When size 2 to 6's are being criticized for being fat, what hope is there for those of us who are morbidly obese, and may never be able to starve ourselves smaller than a size 14 or even 12. Do we have to feel like ogres among "normal" folks?
You probably think I'm being melodramatic, but I really think this is important. It isn't men "holding women down," it's women. Cattiness hurts us all. If only we called each other on it more.
You are not being melodramatic, you are spot on. IMO
I can't get this thread out of my mind, so if I'm harping I'm sorry, but I can't help but think "what would have been an ok response from bf."
If he'd agreed, I would think it would feel just as hurtful (if he thinks Shakira looks fat and unhealthy, what is he thinking about me).
If he said nothing, that would probably be as bad (he's not saying anything, which means that what he's thinking and wants to say is really bad).
It's a clear "no-win" conversation for the guy. It's a trap - he's damned no matter what he says.
Most men hate the "Does this dress make my butt look fat," "Do you think that woman is pretty," and other trick, trap and "no win" conversations, and I can't blame them. It would tick me off too, because no matter how a person responds it can be interpreted offensively."
You are not being melodramatic, you are spot on. IMO
Ditto.
I've resolved to begin speaking up when people (and my roommate in particular - who lost 40 pounds a couple of years ago and is TERRIFIED of ever being "fat" again) make catty comments about other people's weight. It is usually mean-spirited, and I really don't understand what is to be gained from it.
Wow, after watching that video.. WTF. The only reason someone MIGHT think she has gained weight is she is wearing a FULL shirt. and her skirt is poofy. Really it doesnt look like shes changed weight at all but to call her fat.. :O WTF.
I hate, hate, hate how we women think that it's perfectly ok to criticize/comment on other women's weight! Geez, if we cannot be kind to each other, how can we expect others to treat us with kindness.
And if Shakira is "fat"--sign me up for that! She's beautiful, curvy and toned--exactly what we all say we want.
Seems to me like you set him up by insulting Shakira knowing he' a fan
It really does seem so. It's one thing to get caught up in catty gossip among the girls. It's still rotten, but it's easy to find yourself agreeing with people when you don't know what to say. But to say it to a Shakira fan (boyfriend or not) is hard to take any way but as an insult.
When you insult someone, it's silly and unfair to complain about unfair treatment.
It's like a little kid tattling on his sister: "she hit me back!"
I'm irritated that anyone felt the need in the first place to say something about her weight at all. She actually looked thinner (and definitely in better shape by looks of her arms) than I remember her. Though, I haven't seen her in a couple of years, so my memory could be faulty.
It is not bad enough that women of all shapes and sizes obsess about our weights and waists, but we also obsess over those of the women in our life and on our tv screens. How are we ever supposed to have a healthy body image if the women in our lives are calling women at Shakira's size--or 2 sizes larger, even--fat and unhealthy?
My husband and I have been watching Rescue Me on Netflix lately, and I've been really miffed. I read an article years ago about larger women on the small screen, and they commended Rescue Me for the story line including Probie and his larger girlfriend. So imagine my surprise when the character was bulimic, her boyfriend (after seeing a picture of her at almost 400 lbs.) told her that he thought it was probably not that unhealthy to binge and purge, and every comment made by the male firefighters about her was shockingly cruel? The latter part I tried to get over by saying that it's really a man's show and all the fireman chatter is just adult locker room talk. But the fact is that a woman out there reviewed this show and found the fat girlfriend storyline to be admirable. I imagine she calls other women fat behind their backs.
I don't think it's a matter of you having a right to say anything based on your weight or not. I think it's more a question of what in the heck your idea of fat is and if it's realistic. If you think she looks unhealthy, I'm scared for your weight loss goals and your sense of self esteem.
