I'm really not sure what happened this weekend. My 20 month old started school on Monday putting an end to a rather hectic life my husband and I were living with our work schedule to keep him at home full time with us and a lot of stressful situations came to a close in my life. So I'm not sure if it was a relief of stress in conjuction with new stresses (stresses about my son going to daycare and they fact that I have to move my workouts to 4:30 am to fit them in) or if I just needed a break, but I had my first MAJOR binge in 4 months on Friday night, followed my less than comendable eating on Saturday, followed by a greasy chicken sandwich and a deli style hamburger Sunday. For some reason I just gave myself permission to throw everything out the window for the weekend.
Fortunately I stayed away from the scale for a few days and got right back on track on Monday and the last two days the scale has been kind, in fact I'm down today (I need to change my ticker) to 162.2. I feel guilty, but I don't feel that guilty. I mean sometimes this stuff is going to happen and it actually has been coming, I've just been resisting. I've been having to talk myself out of not eating certain things for a few weeks, when usually I want the healthier option or gum will knock out the caving. Now I almost feel like it's out of my system and I'll be good for another 4 months at which point I might need to throw it out the window again for a weekend.
Most of the time this new lifestyle just feels like old hat and I don't even think about it, but other times it's just such a struggle. I guess I'm using this post as sort of a journal (I think I need to start one) and I don't really think I have a question here. Part of me really wants to start therapy so I can find out where these binging tendancies come from, but part of me is afraid to and afraid that it won't really accomplish anything. Like if I know ok...I binge because of X, then ok I know that but will that make me stop binging? I mean I think I binge because of stress and from being bored, but knowing that doesn't make the urge go away. So anyway, thanks for letting me ramble on.