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Little Rant About Family

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Old 04-21-2010, 03:50 PM   #1
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I had a frustrating day today. It's my 29th birthday btw I didn't have any plans for today but my dad called me to tell me he, and my step mom were taking me out for lunch. This was a nice idea but I had just had a 300 calorie lunch (healthy choice steamer with extra veggies added) moments before he called. I figured I would go and just have some soup, mainly for the social aspect and to get out of the house. I ordered my tomato cabbage soup and my dad decided to make a scene in front of the waitress telling me to eat and not starve myself. She looked at me funny and asked if that was ALL I was having. Both my parents decided to make me a small plate of an extra egg and piece of back bacon from their meals, while offering me toast and additional foods the whole time. I felt bad and ate the egg and meat when I wasn't even hungry. I have a hard time saying no to my dad because he has ways of always making me feel guilty or he gets miserable with me. I was raised by my father, I didn't grow up with a mother, so I feel loyal to my dad who is growing grumpier with older age.

I am tired of the mixed messages. One minute he is proud of me for losing the weight and quitting smoking. He brags to my grandpa that I am doing well. The next minute he tells me I need to eat right and stop starving myself. According to him, I am going to fail if I don't allow myself junk and "regular" foods like the big plates of pasta that I grew up on. I assure him I am eating properly but my impression is that he thinks I am starving myself or at least depriving myself to lose weight. I eat 1300-1600 calories of good foods every day so this assumption is far from the truth. I know other people here experience similar situations all the time. I can deal with criticism from other people but it is harder coming from my dad. I am not sure if there really is anything I can tell him to ease his mind, he can be strange like that sometimes

End of mild rant
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Old 04-21-2010, 03:57 PM   #2
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*hug*

Family can be quite annoying sometimes can't they?

Sorry you are dealing with that- next time maybe you could say "I just ate lunch before you called- I am not starving myself."

OR "I just had lunch- how about we meet for dinner?" that way you can eat a full meal with them?

If you can have a heart to heart with your dad and tell him exactly what you told us and ask him to please stop making comments about you starving yourself.
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Old 04-21-2010, 04:07 PM   #3
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First off, Happy Birthday!!!!

Sorry your meetup left you feeling bad...and that you felt like you had to eat something you didn't want to eat just to be nice. It seems to me there are two things here
1) to be clear ahead of time if you are asked out to lunch and you've already eaten-either meet for a different meal or let them know you won't be eating because you already ate.
2) to talk to your dad in private and explain your embarassment in the restaurant and let him know that his comments about you starving yourself are not appropriate and especially in public.

I can let things slide once, but then I try to look ahead towards the next time. It matters what we put in our mouth! The last two times I went out for breakfast and ordered an omelette NO CHEESE it came slathered. The restaurant was super busy and I was with others and too uncomfortable to take it back. Yesterday when I went out and had a special request I waited until she had taken all the orders then said "Oh, and I did say I'd like salad dressing on the side." She acknowledged, the table knew and if it came slathered I wouldn't hesitate to send it back.

Best wishes!
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Old 04-21-2010, 04:33 PM   #4
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The next time he wigs out and says you are starving yourself - can you maybe tell him that you have gone over your diet with your doctor and have been given the orders that you are on a healthy plan?
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Old 04-21-2010, 06:22 PM   #5
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Happy Birthday!!

Unlike my own father, it sounds like your father actually means well. It sounds to me like he knows you enjoy eating those large pasta dishes he used to serve you and to see you eating a bowl of soup perhaps makes him nervous? I realize to people like us, this bowl of soup sounds great and probably filling. But to him (who I assume hasn't had to do a big diet sort of thing) it looks measly compared to things he's familiar with you eating. I think maybe a small chat with him could resolve his worries. Just something like telling him that you eat healthy and enough food, maybe a calorie count or a typical day of food and it'll put his mind at ease.
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