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Old 04-18-2010, 12:55 PM   #1
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Unhappy Really, really, really bad morning

Bad thing #1: Weigh-in. I weighed myself this morning when I first got up (as I always do). It's been a week...and no loss. Still right where I began, at 185. There's probably a couple of factors for this: I'm inconsistent with my calorie intake (I have a "range" between 1200 and 1400), and I'm inconsistent with my exercise. Which brings me to...

Bad thing #2: Trying to exercise. This morning I hopped on the Wii Fit thinking that, even though I have a lot of schoolwork to do today (which equals a lot of just sitting and working on the computer), I could at least get in half an hour of activity. My boyfriend woke up a few minutes after I'd begun and moseyed on out to the living room, where I was Wii Fit-ing.

This is a bad thing because I am really, really insecure about having him watch me work out. In fact, having him aware of my weight loss efforts in general is embarrassing to me. It's acknowledging that I'm fat, that I feel unattractive, and it is very tough for me to "admit" that to people, regardless of the fact that it's physically obvious. So I stopped working out.

I got in the shower, and girls, I just broke down. I started weeping and sobbing about how unfair it was that I couldn't bring myself to exercise in front of my boyfriend, how unfair it was that the scale hadn't budged, how much I hated my body and consequently myself. I stood there and cried for a solid ten minutes, and am still intermittently tearing up. My boyfriend is frustrated with me because I don't want to talk about it with him--and who can blame him? It's horrible when you see someone you love is upset and hating themselves and you feel completely helpless about the situation. But this whole thing--what I look like now, how I'm trying to lose weight--is so intensely personal that the idea of sharing my feelings with him is cripplingly uncomfortable and embarrassing.

I really need some support right now...I still feel horrible about the whole thing.
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Old 04-18-2010, 01:12 PM   #2
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The first easy fix is to ask your boyfriend to give you 30 minutes uninterrupted in the living room to work out. That's not a lot to ask.

It doesn't solve the bigger problems right away, but I don't think every big problem has to be solved immediately for successful weight loss. Get some easy fixes, some small victories, then work on other things.

So, you weighed this morning on a Sunday and didn't see a weight loss. Didn't you post earlier this week that you were going out this weekend for dinner/drinks with friends? Even if you ate on plan and stayed within a calorie range, restaurant food is loaded with sodium. Drink a lot of water today, weigh again in 2 days.

If you are going to weigh every day, I would advise putting the weight in a chart and start observing the trends. Sushi, airline travel, Chipotle, my period - these all have 5 lb effects on the scale. Since I know this, I am less freaked out if I weigh after one of these events.

As far as exercising in front of your boyfriend - I'm not sure that exercising = I'm a big fattie. A lot of slender people with fabulous bodies work out every day. They work out to reduce stress, maintain their level of physical fitness, improve cardio vascular health. Exercising just means you want to take care of yourself, which is a very good thing.
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Old 04-18-2010, 01:14 PM   #3
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I'm so sorry you're hurting, I've been there and sometimes I still feel like I'm there. Especially with talking about weight loss with my husband.

I tell him that I'm trying to get more fit, and I invite him to exercise with me. You two could go for a walk together, play tennis (my husband LOVES tennis so this is a good one for us), go to the beach together, go for a hike, go ride bikes, go rent some kayaks. Stuff that gets you spending time and being fit together.

Or you can just tell him that you're trying to be more fit (more fit to me sounds better than losing weight) and it makes you uncomfortable for him to watch, so maybe you can plan for him to go run some errands today and you can finish up your workout?


As far as not losing anything... I know you know that weight loss isn't linear. Why you haven't lost weight could be due to any number of things. Water retention due to not drinking enough water, your period, too much sodium in your food, your muscles retaining water.... the list goes on.

Maybe you can start weighing everyday and then taking the weeks average and counting that your weekly weight?

Last edited by FreeSpirit; 04-18-2010 at 01:19 PM.
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Old 04-18-2010, 01:30 PM   #4
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=[ I know how you feel. But with me it's my own mother, maybe because she's slimmer than me? I don't know, I just don't like her seeing me trying to lose weight. I only workout when she's sleeping, or if she's not in the house.

And for weighing yourself, I personally had to stop weighing myself everyday because it was just depressing me, I just simply did it once a week.
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Old 04-18-2010, 02:45 PM   #5
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I get embarrased when anyone sees me work out. I hate it at home because there are always snide remarks. I was very nervous at first for my partner to see me work out but it reached the point where I'm like, I really don't care. I'd rather my partner see me than someone else. I'm not comfortable with everyone else yet. Your partner is supposed to be supportive. Maybe once you calm down, talk to him about it. I think it will make the both of you feel better.
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Old 04-18-2010, 05:24 PM   #6
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I think finding active things that the two of you can do together is a wonderful idea.

I also think that you should consider sharing some of your thoughts and feelings with your SO. Surely if this is something that upsets you, he would want to be part of your support system. Maybe if you have space you can set up your wii fit and a dvd player in another area besides the living room where you can exercise in privacy. Also, your boyfriend might think it is kind of sexy to see you exercise, mine does and I have some poundage on you!

Chin up, and don't let anything stand in your way. Let us know how it goes.
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Old 04-18-2010, 05:57 PM   #7
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I'm sorry you are having a bad day. I can relate and I think that just about everyone here can, too. I hope you feel better soon, too.

There's been a lot of good advice given already so I don't have anything to add other than I think asking your boyfriend to give you at least 30 minutes to work out is a good one. I'm a private person, too, and I don't like exercising in front of my kids that much because they want to tease me. Sure, I know it's all in good fun and not because they are being malicious because if anyone else tries to make fun of me, my kids will get on their case about it. I just like having at least 30 minutes to myself because it helps me to keep it together.

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Old 04-19-2010, 09:56 AM   #8
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I know completely how you feel. I used to feel the same way. I had a blazing row with my OH and banned him from the front room when I was working out - having him watch me was too embarrassing and made me totally self-conscious. Was he watching me thinking I was doing it wrong? Looking at my bum bounce up and down? Thinking I should do more? I think it's totally natural to feel like this. But, now I have lost weight and finally got to a place where I feel confident in myself, I don't mind working out in front of him. I'm proud of myself and I don't care who sees me working out! I have no doubt that in time you'll find the same self-confidence if you work at it, and who knows, maybe you can get your boyfriend involved in working out with you?

As for weight not coming down, etc, I found daily weigh-ins, especially on the Wii Fit, to be totally counter productive, so much so that I totally gave up trying to lose weight when I first got the game. You fluctuate a lot every day and weekly weigh-ins seems to catch that better. Even if you haven't lost any weight in a week, you might lose more in the following week - and then if you don't, you can look at your eating and exercise and think about how it could be changed. Sometimes when I've not lost a pound in a week, I'll lose two the following week. And even if you don't lose anything for a while, you may well be losing inches or toning up.
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Old 04-19-2010, 10:42 AM   #9
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I really appreciate all of you responding with support and kind words. After an entire day of our dynamic being strained and uncomfortable, I finally took the time to talk with the BF about it. I explained how awkward and embarrassing it is for me to confront my weight issues with him and in front of him and how there are a slew of things stressing me out at the moment--it's the end of the semester (I'm in grad school), I'm going through a major "quarter-life crisis" trying to figure out what I want to do, my financial situation is blown, etc. And he was incredibly, amazingly supportive.

No weigh-in this morning. I'm going to focus on keeping a consistent calorie intake, drinking lots of water, and getting in at least half an hour of activity per day--sounds manageable, right? (We've got a dog, so it's usually not difficult to find an excuse to get out of the house.) One day at a time...
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Old 04-19-2010, 04:46 PM   #10
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Bee sorry I cam in late, I am glad that you did talk to your bf though! It will only make life easier on you, him and the relationship! Like the other ladies said you are NOT alone! I have been with my man for 20 years!! He new me when I was athletic, flexible and hot and I still will NOT work out in front of him. EVER. I might do the treadmill at a gym with him there, but that is it. And today, my oldest son is home from school (16 years old) and I locked him and my dog (YES the dog too!) in his room so I could work out. I told him why he was being quarantined he laughed at me and said " I love you Mom, you are so cute" but he stayed in his room for the full hour!! When I was done, he offered to take the dog for a walk tomorrow for me.

Communication is KEY! ( I also checked the scale once and then decided I will go on how I feel instead of what the scale says. I hope to find that much more rewarding)
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Old 04-20-2010, 06:25 AM   #11
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Your not alone. I get bummed out if I don't exercise but I can't exercise in front of anyone. I have busy house with 3 teenagers, an 11yr old and my dh. When I do on rare occasions exercise the kids would chuckle. They didn't mean it to be mean but for me it's a really sensitive thing. My exercise right now only consists of walking or biking. Definately not working for me. I need and want to do more.
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Old 04-20-2010, 09:53 AM   #12
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I also feel awkward exercising infront of anyone, but sometimes I have to yell at myself to just get over it. At least with hubby, I can. So I'm glad you talked. The only way to have a healthy relationship is to be open and honest even, maybe especially when, you don't want to be.

As for worrying about the calories fluctuations, as long as you are staying 1200-1400, I don't think you should have much of an issue with that. There are peope here who would tell you that's a GOOD thing, because it keeps your body from getting to used to one calorie intake and becoming lazy with it. (There is some evidence that having a few days of slightly increased calories makes your metabolism boost a bit more to burn the extra calories.) So, I don't want you freaking out over something that probably isn't an issue, unless it's an issue in the sliding slope kind of way. In other words, oh, 1400 is only 200 more than 1200. And 1600 is only 200 more than that. And 1800 is only 200 more than that. And soon, you're at 3000. Yeah, that would be bad...
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Old 04-20-2010, 10:04 AM   #13
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No weigh-in this morning. I'm going to focus on keeping a consistent calorie intake, drinking lots of water, and getting in at least half an hour of activity per day--sounds manageable, right?
Sounds like a solid, reasonable plan. Good for you for talking to your BF about it and yay that he was understanding!

Just stay on track and I promise you will see losses. It may not be as quickly as you would like or the BIG numbers we all love, but it will happen

Good luck!
30-something Christian wife and natural homebirthin', homeschoolin', home makin' mama. Please visit my health/weight loss blog Feeding The Temple I will set a new goal after I hit Onderland!

Get below 300...wear original wedding ring...280s...275 birthday goal (met early!)... 269...265...259...250...
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Old 04-20-2010, 10:10 AM   #14
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BeeoftheBird- One day at a time is right! I'm so happy to hear you were able to regroup and go talk to your BF. (It usually takes me 2 days...) Keep your 1/2hr-1hr a day exercise plan & calorie counting and go forward with confidence. You can do it!!
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