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Old 04-16-2010, 09:11 PM   #1
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Default Being envious of a boyfriend/husband/significant other

Just wondering--for those of you with male significant others, does it ever bother you that they seem to lose weight so easily? Like, sometimes without even trying?

To clarify: I'm 5'4" and 185 lbs. My boyfriend is a little over 6' tall and weighs about 160 lbs. (at least, the last I knew). He eats fast food several times a week, can consume twice as many calories as I do in a meal, and never exercises, yet he still manages to maintain his weight--or even drop a couple of pounds. WITH NO EFFORT.

Yeah, I understand that men and women are fundamentally different when it comes metabolism; men generally have higher muscle mass and faster metabolic rates. It may be true, but if I can be childish for a second: IT'S JUST. NOT. FAIR!!!

I love my partner dearly, but I can't seem to help but harbor a little bit of jealousy when it comes to this. It crossed my mind tonight as I watched him snarf some Goldfish crackers and then a dish of ice cream, with nary a worry...

To wrap it up, this isn't a direct complaint about someone I love--it's not his "fault" that he burns calories easier than I do. Just a general rant about how trying it can be to see someone, especially someone really close to you, excel so easily at something that's really difficult (and personal) for you. I was wondering, does anyone else feel the same way?
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Old 04-16-2010, 09:35 PM   #2
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My dad was thin & my mom was around 200 pounds and always dieting. Also, most of my significant others have been thin. This is what I observed about these thin men:

1) They generally don't binge on food. My dad loved chocolate and would happily eat a single square of special dark and put the bar away. One bar of chocolate could last for weeks. (Actually he hid it b/c my mom didn't want to find it). Or my dad would have a dish of ice cream, not the whole pint or quart.

2) They often eat sensibly or on the light side. My skinny exes often were too busy at work to eat sometimes. And when dinner rolled around, they eat a hearty meal, but not over their calorie limit. I was talking to a guy friend last night, who was working late...he told me he hasn't time to eat in 24 hours! I can't imagine ever doing that.

3) They move around quite a bit in everyday life. They seem to move faster. And probably burn more calories doing it. My dad walked a lot in the city. I dated a construction worker who spend his whole day doing manual labor. This guy was totally ripped with no body fat, but when we ate dinner together, he ate very healthy and not that much food. For dinner, he'd eat a PBJ on whole wheat, granola, and an apple. I kid you not. This guy did not eat a ton.

It's true men lose weight faster, but from what I have observed, these men are thin for a reason other than simply being men. After all, there are fat men too. I appreciate skinny boyfriends b/c they inspire me to adopt better eating and exercise habits. Also, my skinny significant others can help me focus on something other than food.
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Old 04-16-2010, 09:47 PM   #3
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Haha I'm 5'3" 205lbs, BF is 5'10" 163lbs and he also eats whatever he wants...to the point where he actually tells me he's going to explode. He doesn't gain a pound! He even looks like he works out and he doesn't do a thing. It totally isn't fair. lol. I'm not so much jealous really, more amazed. I'm proud of what I have accomplished and so glad i don't eat like him...i would rather be how I am now and eat healthy. I'll eventually get to my goal, I'm in no hurry.
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Old 04-16-2010, 09:48 PM   #4
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I am with you on this. I don't have much left to lose so my weight loss has been a crawl - less than 3 pounds a month or so. The first months were stressful and upsetting and made me feel like I shouldn't bother. In the midst of this, my boyfriend cheerfully let me know that he'd lost 10 pounds though he hadn't been trying. This from the man who orders a pizza with cheesy bread at least once a week to eat by himself, who ALWAYS has two when I make him cheeseburgers, etc.

He also goes forever without eating. More often than not, he only eats dinner. Sometimes he has a doughnut for breakfast and nothing again until dinner. I have no idea how he does this.
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Old 04-16-2010, 09:50 PM   #5
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Men do have it easier than women and a big reason for that is because they have larger muscle mass. We can reap some of the rewards from that by building muscle as we lose. As much as 40% of weight lost without exercise could be muscle and not fat.

But yes, it does aggravate that my husband can lose weight just by thinking about it.
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Old 04-16-2010, 10:14 PM   #6
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But yes, it does aggravate that my husband can lose weight just by thinking about it.
When I start dieting, my husband loses weight
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Old 04-16-2010, 10:17 PM   #7
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-sigh- yep, I know what you mean on this one lol. Though its more astonishment and exasperation than jealousy or envy lol.

My partner is 6'9 (yes you read that right, 205 cms.... i'm 5'7, it looks hilarious hehe) and plays sport for a living so yes, he's tall and he has a lot of muscle - he weighs around 230 pounds and has hardly a scrap of fat on him anywhere.

and he eats like nothing I have seen before - 12 sausages and a loaf of bread for dinner? no worries! followed by 3/4 block of chocolate for dessert? No sweat! A whole packet of pasta for lunch?? yep, you bet... the family size ones lol.

I have a lot of muscle for a female but I am half his size and almost half his weight so I'm never gonna win on the food side of it lol. Hence I just sit there and roll my eyes and enjoy vicariously :P
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Old 04-16-2010, 10:18 PM   #8
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Quote:
This is what I observed about these thin men:

1) They generally don't binge on food...my dad would have a dish of ice cream, not the whole pint or quart.

2) They often eat sensibly or on the light side.
So true! Women seem to be much more susceptible to emotional eating (no scientific or academic references to back that up, just my observation). Binge eating most definitely got me to the point I am at today. The notion of eating an entire pizza because I'm actually hungry, not just because I can't seem to stop myself, is so foreign to me.

With that in mind, I think I need to re-read Fat Is A Feminist Issue. It's so easy to forget how to eat in tune with your body, instead of with simply your mind. :/
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Old 04-16-2010, 10:27 PM   #9
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...I just remembered an article I read awhile ago about Michael Phelps and the astronomical amount of calories he consumed per day (12,000) while training. All obvious "got the munchies" jokes aside...WOW. If only I had the endurance to work out like an Olympic athlete--I could eat takeout curries and pizza with extra cheese EVERY DAY!
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Old 04-16-2010, 11:49 PM   #10
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My BF is about 5'10 and 229 right now. He drinks sodas all day, eats way more than I do and worse than me. He does usually work out with me but he just keeps dropping the weight with no effort really besides working out with me a few times a week give or take. I WISH I could eat whatever I wanted and not worry about food, just work out here and there, and drop the pounds.

I always tease him and say Im going to start putting lard in his meals and go to the gym secretly! hehe
I am quite jealous of his fast metabolism but Im happy he's losing some weight with me...Im catching up though. Lord help me if he actually starts counting calories! lol
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Old 04-17-2010, 12:20 AM   #11
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Oh I totally agree!
My boyfriend is skinny skinny and has managed to lose weight since I have started dieting. I hate him for it!
I cant wait for the day when I weigh less than him :P
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Old 04-17-2010, 12:54 AM   #12
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Oh I totally agree!
I cant wait for the day when I weigh less than him :P
Haha I KNOW! My bf now is always trying to pick me up and I'm so mean, to myself more than him, and always try to act heavier than am so he literally can't pick me up...i'll throw myself to the ground type of deal. lol and I always tell him I don't want to break him lol. I can't wait till I can feel comfortable with MYSELF enough to let him do that, and I have a feeling thats not going to be until I'm thinner than he is.
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