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Old 04-16-2010, 01:08 PM   #1
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Unhappy Diet buddy woes

I'm kind of new to the site, mostly just been lurking, but I'm having my first real obstical on my diet journey, and just kind of want to know if this has happened to anyone else and what you've done about it.

I have this diet buddy, she's my age and when we started out a couple months ago we were both the same weight. So far I've lost 20 pounds, and I've been feeling really great, and just feeling over all really positive and happy. But she hasn't weighed in yet, in 3 months, and hasn't appeared to lose any weight, and she's making me feel really guilty that I have. It's getting harder and harder to be around her. She always eats junk food around me, pressuring me to eat it with her.

She's one of my best friends, and I don't want to stop being friends with her, but I kind of feel it's time to "end our diet buddy relationship" but I don't know if maybe that's the wrong thing, because I know I should be supportive.

What do you guys think I should do?
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Old 04-16-2010, 01:15 PM   #2
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I feel like you should walk away. She's not as ready as she thought she was and you shouldn't feel pressured to stop.

I have two "diet buddies" too, sort of. We're friends first and we just happen to be doing this at the same time. I'm ahead by ALOT and I feel bad. But I think any pressure I feel is entirely self-induced.

It's hard when you're not quite in sync, and I'm sure your friend is a bit jealous. But she has only herself to blame. Certainly not youl.
Long term goal: To still be calorie counting 11/9/2010
mini goals: ~211-10% lost;12/24/09 ~203 class I obesity 1/28/10; ~199 Onederland/15% 2/19/10; ~188-20%; ~185 half way 5/14/10; 179-bye 180's 6/12/10; ~174 overweight 7/3/2010;169-bye 170's 8/13/10;~164-30% 10/23/2010159-bye 160's~11/1/10; 153-35%~12/23/10; 149-bye 150's~2/11/11; 145 normal~2/14/2011; ~141-40%; 139-bye 140's ~135 GOAL! (129-45%; 117.5-50%)

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Old 04-16-2010, 01:42 PM   #3
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Wow! Three things really jumped out at me when I read your post;
1) She's one of your best friends
2) She's eating junk food around you AND pressuring you to eat it, too.
3) You are starting to feel guilty about the weight you've lost.

Please let go of your guilt!! You can only control your actions.
If you are still formally "diet buddies", the next time she pressures you to eat junk food you could say something simple and loving, like "I'm really working on losing weight, and that is not on my plan. I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't offer it to me and tempt me to eat it."

Then you will know by her response whether she is really your good friend, or not.. If so, you can let her know you're there if she needs support, if not, you can use your new found energy to make friends with someone who has similar goals.

I had a business partner who made me feel ashamed because I lost weight and she didn't. Guilt...shame...they are both emotions I need to part company with today.

Best wishes!
Debbie R

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Old 04-16-2010, 03:14 PM   #4
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Sounds to me like if she can get you to eat junk food, then she can say to herself "see, my weight loss buddy is eating junk, so it is ok if I do to."

I can understand you want to be supportive, but you can't hold her down and force her to eat her veggies. Only she can decide to do that.

If you feel you need to break up with her as your diet buddy, (and it sounds to me like you should) try telling her that you feel like your diet goals and tactics are not matching well with each other. Make it about how you are both taking different approaches, rather than making it a personal thing (ie. like she is doing it "wrong" or isn't taking it seriously)

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Old 04-16-2010, 03:15 PM   #5
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Yeah she can't be your diet buddy anymore.

That's like with my competition at work. It's 5 of us, and 3 of us are doing well, one has completely checked out, and the fifth keeps yo-yo-ing. We can only encourage so much and in the end I have to worry about myself.

I'd just tell her you are still working on your weight loss and ask her to please not bring junk food around you anymore. If she doesn't listen then slowly just hang out with her less.

Last edited by beerab; 04-16-2010 at 03:15 PM.
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Old 04-16-2010, 07:04 PM   #6
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I feel like the weight loss thing is a very personal journey, and one that is accomplished differently for everyone. It sounds like you have found something that works for you, and that does not include your diet buddy. If she is truly a good friend, she will understand that you prefer to do this alone.

Weight loss journey started 12/28/2009 - Current Mini-goal:

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Old 04-16-2010, 08:07 PM   #7
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Thanks for all the advice, it really helped clear my mind about what's going on. You guys are all right, I shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed. And she really isn't being my friend at all when she pressures me to eat junk food. I'll try talking to her about it tomrrow using your strategies, I'll let you guys know how it goes. Thank you again for all the good advice, I was feeling really confused and upset about it earlier.
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Old 04-16-2010, 08:39 PM   #8
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I know what you mean. When I first started losing weight again, I moved to another state, but my good girl friends and I wanted to start out own personal myspace account where we could log our weights, what we are doing and so on...kinda like what we do on here, just to give each other support. I found I'm the only one who posts anything on that myspace page and its been over 6months since making it. When I talk to my friends they are truly happy for what I've accomplished but when I ask them how their journies are going I usually don't get a response or I'll get a "I've been really busy and haven't had a chance to workout". I've had to learn how to not focus on what they are doing and worry about myself. I do have 2 really good friends who, from what Ive heard, are starting to hit the gym, but I've yet to get any updates thus far. I always wish them the best of luck and I keep updating the profile we made since those 2 have said it was inspiring to them.

All of you inspire me and thats why I'm here.
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Old 04-17-2010, 12:21 AM   #9
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Default hard to find buddies

Sometimes people sabotage our success (not on purpose) because our success makes them feel bad. Sounds like a good time to change your relationship with this person to just friends.

I would love to have a diet buddy myself but have not been very successful. Anyone want a buddy?
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Old 04-17-2010, 06:00 PM   #10
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lol, the answer here is really pretty obvious isn't it?

only question is how to do it in a way that maintains the friendship and the possible ability for you to positively impact/influence her in the future.

Randomcards: A member of the rare species called man, exhibiting a strong inability to display empathy and too quick to give unsolicited advice
--My progress and related musings thread--

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