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That uncomfortable feeling when you're in public

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Old 04-15-2010, 07:07 PM   #1
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Default That uncomfortable feeling when you're in public

If i let it, this weight would keep me a hermit. When i go out in public i am sooooooooo uncomfortable. i hate for people to see me this heavy. How do i get over this? The weight will come off in time but for now, i am fat. i want to live my life now. i want to feel about myself, the way i did 50 pounds ago. i used to be sexy, i used to love sex, i used to love men, i used to LOVE to go out and have a couple of drinks. i want that again. Do i have to lose weight before i can feel this way again?

i am so confused.
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Old 04-15-2010, 07:15 PM   #2
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Nope, you have to accept yourself. I have been that way too. I'd skip out early on days where I had to meet new people with the excuse of other plans.. when my other plans didn't really exist. I still feel this way from time to time. Just dont think about yourself when you go out. Think about what you want to do and have as much fun as possible. You will get the weight off and the going out will be even better
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Old 04-15-2010, 07:29 PM   #3
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Yup... You have to find a way to be okay with yourself how you are NOW or you'll never get where you want to be. Self loathing only makes things worse. I live in a place where I'm double the size of most of the people around me. I have to learn to rock my height/weight and get on with life or I'd be miserable.

Confidence has nothing to do with size... You'll get where you want to be but in the meantime, love yourself!
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Old 04-15-2010, 07:33 PM   #4
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Maybe think about it this way: The more people you meet now, the more people will notice how successful you've been!
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Old 04-15-2010, 08:03 PM   #5
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I wish I could help you. I've always been extremely vain. I remember when I was a little kid I said to myself "If I ever get fat, I'm never leaving the house" And I didn't. Going to church helped bring me out of my insecurity a little bit, but that's the only place I would go. I had no friends, no love life, nothing. I got desperate to lose weight, started taking diet pills and low carbing and dropped 60 pounds in 5 months. That's when I finally decided to go out and live my life.

Honestly, I find dieting easier when I seclude myself for a little while. Not as many pressures to eat, not as many triggers. It works for me.
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Old 04-15-2010, 08:13 PM   #6
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My mother had some things she wanted to add...

I haven't always been 315 pounds, I used to be 414 but I also used to be 135 and everything in between. I went through a long period where I never tried to look beautiful, I was fat and I thought that's all anyone would see. After losing 100 pounds men began to notice me, I began to realize that I can be fat and sexy. If Miss. Piggy can be on the front cover of Playboy Magazine, than what is wrong with me.

I had to learn to work with what I have and stop worrying about what I don't have. I walk like I'm the sexiest woman in the room, and that's the way men treat me. I put my makeup on everyday and I try to find the most attractive hairstyle for me. I only wear clothes that compliment the frame I have, not the one I want. I have been gauged, turned men down and broken hearts at 300 pounds. I'm currently in a long term relationship and we are planning to get married. He loves me just like I am and tells me I am sexy often. He worries about the other men that have made advances at me in front of his face. Men love me because they can see that I love myself. I am still trying to lose weight, but I have decided to love me just the way I am, I hope you will do the same.

I don't think of myself as a fat person, I think of myself as a beautiful woman who wants to lose weight and that's what people reflect back to me. People will see you the way you see yourself and that's the way they will treat you.
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Old 04-15-2010, 08:14 PM   #7
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Well... I would have to say... No one is noticing your weight. Most people are too worried about themselves to really notice other people. If you go out with confidence, you will inspire some other woman who is not confident. Go out. Have a drink. Chat with friends. Weight is only a number.
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Old 04-15-2010, 08:15 PM   #8
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OOO!! And once... at the bar... a guy told me I was sexy for a big girl. I know most people would find that offensive... but I know he meant well.
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Old 04-15-2010, 09:01 PM   #9
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Self-loathing will only make you gain weight. Why would you want to be the healthiest you can be if you have decided you are not worthy of love or even worthy of stepping outside your front door?

Love yourself as you are. It doesn't mean you want to stay your current weight, it simply means that no matter what you look like, you've decided you are worthy of love and kindness... and daylight lol Everyone deserves that, no matter their size.
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Old 04-15-2010, 09:32 PM   #10
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What makes you think that you don't have the God-given right to walk down the street & breathe the air & feel the sun on your face like every other person on this earth?

If someone said, "Because of the color of my skin, I feel I should not go out in public -- I do not have that right" or "Because of my religious beliefs, I feel I should not leave the house" or "Because I am female, I believe I should remain indoors & not show myself" or "Because I limp after an accident or have a congenital defect in my face, I feel I should never go outside in daylight," you would see the absurdity of that position. You would argue that they all have the right to move freely in the world, wouldn't you?

Why is fat the one thing so shameful that it means you have to be sequestered away, when all other people with all their different issues & burdens move freely in public?

Please don't feel that way. Please. Please. Do not succumb to agoraphobia over this.

There is a wide range between a hermit sequestered away because of her weight & a sexy cartoon of a woman that every man on the street sees & wants. Can't you live with being in that big range between those two options?
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Old 04-16-2010, 12:45 AM   #11
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The best advice I got this week was to remember that weight loss does not solve all problems. As others in this thread mentioned, you have to accept yourself and work through the kinks. Weight does not make you, but allowing it to ruin your social like might end up breaking you.
(I really didn't mean to rhyme. I promise)
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Old 04-16-2010, 02:35 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saef View Post
What makes you think that you don't have the God-given right to walk down the street & breathe the air & feel the sun on your face like every other person on this earth?

If someone said, "Because of the color of my skin, I feel I should not go out in public -- I do not have that right" or "Because of my religious beliefs, I feel I should not leave the house" or "Because I am female, I believe I should remain indoors & not show myself" or "Because I limp after an accident or have a congenital defect in my face, I feel I should never go outside in daylight," you would see the absurdity of that position. You would argue that they all have the right to move freely in the world, wouldn't you?

Why is fat the one thing so shameful that it means you have to be sequestered away, when all other people with all their different issues & burdens move freely in public?

Please don't feel that way. Please. Please. Do not succumb to agoraphobia over this.

There is a wide range between a hermit sequestered away because of her weight & a sexy cartoon of a woman that every man on the street sees & wants. Can't you live with being in that big range between those two options?
Brilliant post. Very well said.

To the ohiofreespirit: I was right there with you. When I gained all the weight back that I lost I was so disgusted with myself that I quit going anywhere. And I mean ANYWHERE. Forget about enjoyable things like the mall or the bookstore or restaurants. I barely went to the grocery store or Target! I was basically the chauffeur and I'd send my husband into stores with lists of what we needed.

All that succeeded in doing was making me more depressed and helping me gain an additional 40 pounds. It wasn't until I started going and doing things I enjoyed again that I even though about doing something about my weight.

Just remember that you are probably the only one thinking about your weight. Even if you do happen to run into someone that says something to you, just think about how messed up THEY must be to say something like that to a complete stranger. A few extra pounds is nothing compared to that.
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Old 04-16-2010, 02:30 PM   #13
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I feel the same as her. But it's more of an embaressement for me than not feeling like I have the rright to. I don't care what strangers think. I'm worried about running into someone who I havent seen in a long time and they see all the weight I've gained. I'm just embaressed I let myself get this way.
Also about the comment about walking with a limp. I have a limp due to a soccer injury (Long story I don't even want to get into lets just say it's been 6 months since i've been able to walk "normal")...SO that just adds to my not wanting to go out because it does draw attention to me that I don't want.
So I can relate to how the original poster feels. AND Ohiofreespirit...if you find out how to get pass this please let me know! I'm tired of feeling this way too!
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Old 04-16-2010, 03:34 PM   #14
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I've always been fairly confident, but I was raised with so many beliefs about what fat girls "aren't supposed to do in public." The list goes on and on, when I was 5 or 6 my mom actually forbid me from climbing on the monkey bars because I "looked ridiculous." I learned that sweating and having a red face was inappropriate for a fat girl (it's why I quit summer tennis lessons, too).

My mom was projecting her fears onto me - though there was also a grain of truth. The kids did tease me, and that hurt my mom I think more than it did me, but I learned to let it hurt me (because she was essentially telling me it was supposed to - when someone teased you for doing something, you were supposed to stop doing it. If anything, my mom taught me to give in to peer pressure. Luckily, I didn't listen all of the time).

Even though I was able to break the rules about swimming (I LOVE swimming and no one is going to tell me I can't), riding a bicycle was another story.

I was sure I would look ridiculous and probably would break the bike. I finally, just a couple years ago bought a bike. I'm still not super confident when I ride it, but it gets better each time I do. All of my fears don't come true. I've gotten a few odd looks, but not the overt harassment I expected. And I haven't hurt myself or the bike (and I bought a very basic Walmart bike).
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Old 04-16-2010, 03:48 PM   #15
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Think of it as a cloak of invisibility, as it was my experience that many folks don't even see the fat girl. At first I thought that maybe that the invisibility was because I was over 30 (I gained all of my weight the year I turned 30). But then at age 49 I started taking off the weight and found it wasn't the age, it was the fat.

I have to confess to a few mini-meltdowns because of now getting attention in public. Here I'd always thougt of myself as very confident, but maybe it was more I was somewhat removed from situation.
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