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Um, SO, was that a compliment?

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Old 04-09-2010, 09:13 AM   #1
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Default Um, SO, was that a compliment?

I was getting my back scratched last night (ahh, nice treat once in a while) and my SO comments that the bones in my back are starting to show. Okay, liking the sound of this.

Then he grabs some of my loose skin in his fist ( but what can I say?) and says "Look at all this skin all over you. A few months ago it was full of fat!"

Honestly, I didn't know what to say. Of course the back scratch was officially over at that point. I smacked his hand away and got up and stormed off.

If that was an insult it hit home. If it was a compliment, well, he needs work
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Old 04-09-2010, 09:19 AM   #2
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Men do not always know how to go about giving a compliment and they always need work but sometimes they get it just right and other times it will leave you going wtf? anyways I would say he was trying to give you a compliment in his own slightly strange way... but then again hes a man lol
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Old 04-09-2010, 09:30 AM   #3
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I KNEW I wasn't the only one that liked a back scratch!

I think men are very straight forward, y'know? He just thinks that weight-loss means fat-loss and that's it... rather than thinking about all the psychological issues that come along with weight-loss (ie. body image, etc)

My BF is exactly the same... you just need to laugh it off and concentrate on the positive that he tried to get across.

Ah, MEN! *rolls eyes*
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Old 04-09-2010, 09:41 AM   #4
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Guy at a bar once told me I was "sexy for a big girl".

Sometimes I think men know not what they speak of. I am sure your SO meant well.
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Old 04-09-2010, 09:49 AM   #5
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Please cut us some slack....
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Old 04-09-2010, 09:56 AM   #6
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I am sure he meant well, I think you should tell him that although you know he didn't mean it in a bad way, his comment about your skin all over used to be full of fat hurt your feelings.

Seriously he's probably thinking "crap what did I say wrong?" lol.
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Old 04-09-2010, 09:58 AM   #7
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I'm pretty sure he was saying something nice. People..even women (okay ramdom??) don't always know how to deliver what they mean to say. Take it as I'm sure it was intended, and once you are no longer stewing, talk to him about it...and let him know that even though you are sure he was being sweet, it didn't quite sound that way. If he doesn't know what happened and he doesn't have suggestions from you to do better next time, then you may find yourself without back scratches, compliments, or anything else.

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Old 04-09-2010, 09:59 AM   #8
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I agree, cut the men some slack. It's amazing how angry we can get with men for them stating a simple fact or observation. And it's truly shocking how angry we can get when they are trying to be nice and helpful. Poor guys...
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Old 04-09-2010, 10:01 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by randomcards View Post
Please cut us some slack....
It's difficult when you're so hopeless!!! Ha ha only kidding - my hubby is luckily good at this sort of thing (his mother trained him well! )
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Old 04-09-2010, 10:20 AM   #10
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Yeah, I may have been a little hormonal and will admit that he probably thought "I'm saying a good thing here" so I'll let it slide as long as the future back scratches come without commentary!
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Old 04-09-2010, 01:03 PM   #11
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I can definitely understand your annoyance. The back scratch would be over for me too (and I looove back scratches).

But I truly don't think he said that to insult you or hurt your feelings. Maybe not even a compliment, just an observation. The thought came into his head, and it popped out of his mouth before he had a chance to consider if it could be taken the wrong way. He's most likely just very impressed by the changes you made to your body.
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Old 04-09-2010, 10:38 PM   #12
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I bet that it wasn't either a compliment, or an insult. Before, your skin had more fat in it. And he stated that "fact".

Now, intention in this situation doesn't matter--I totally understand that you were insulted by the comment!
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Old 04-10-2010, 12:45 PM   #13
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It sounds like a compliment to me! Men are so clueless sometimes about what they say, but it sounds like he meant well
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Old 04-10-2010, 02:32 PM   #14
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I really would have taken it as a compliment.
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Old 04-10-2010, 06:55 PM   #15
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given the background details, he was giving you a loving back scratch, I'd say he was commenting on the changes and improvements you've been making on your body and trying to express to you that he appreciates and notices the work you've been doing.

I know how hormones can bring me to the brink of the emotional abyss sometimes. this whole thing might be a good chance for you to talk to him about the way you feel about your body, he might end up being a good source of support as you move forward (and you can help him avoid future pitfalls heh heh).
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