I used to be overweight, and I've gradually been losing. Lately, in the past few months, I've really been on a roll. I'm about 165 now. The last time my family saw me I was about 185 - so it's been abour 25 pound difference since they last saw me. I was once about 280.
Anyways, my family recently saw me. Some of them haven't seen me for over a year or more. Some last saw me around Thanksgiving/Christmas. Afterwards, people were talking to my parents behind my back (which got to me eventually), and here's what was said about me..
I look like I'm near death. I'm scary to even look at because of my weight loss. I'm a skeleton. I'm extremely sick. I have been told to go to hospital, to make sure I'm okay. Someone even said they didn't want to scare me, but "cancer" can cause weight loss.
My feelings are really hurt. Keep in mind, I'm a guy. I cried when I heard this. I have tried really hard to get to where I'm at. I eat vegetables, fruits, chicken, fruit - all healthy stuff. I take vitamins twice daily. I drink 8 glasses of water a day. I quit shoving big mac's, ice cream, and candy down my throat. Instead of eating a snickers bar I now eat carrots, peas, or brocolli. I occasionally cheat about once a week. I've finally started to measure my food out, count calories, keep a log of what I'm doing, running, etc..I have never ate food and threw it up. Since I've heard this (about two weeks ago) I have quit going to the gym and started to eat a lot out of sadness.
I can't say for sure because a) I'm not a doctor and b) I don't know your height, but 165 sounds like a perfectly respectable weight to me. You have worked HARD to get where you are at, and if you're happier and healthier (which you ARE, you have developed great habits!), then don't let anyone take that away from you! I think if you really WERE sick, other people would have noticed (like your coworkers), and you yourself would feel awful.
I read a post somewhere on these boards, a while ago, similar to yours -- it sounds like, unfortunately, some families are not as supportive as they should be. Are they generally heavier than you are? Maybe they're jealous, or they feel bad about their own habits, or maybe it IS genuine, but misplaced concern.
If you ARE worried about your weight, try googling a BMI calculator and putting in your height/weight to see whether you fall into the "healthy" range or not.
Be proud of your achievements! You've lost a lot of weight and you should be proud. If you want to lift weights, then lift weights. Don't stop going to the gym if it makes you feel good. It's a cliche, but -- be who you want to be, not who your family wants you to be! You've come this far -- don't throw all that effort away!
Count me to those who think you are doing great!
I am sure the weight loss will come as a big shock to some members of your family who have not seen you since I don't know how many pounds ago, especially if they are bit on the 'plump' side themselves. You have almost 50% of your weight (from the initial 280).
I don't think there is any need to see a doctor (unless you yourself feel there is something wrong that needs to be addressed). Otherwise, congrats on the huge weight loss (Yeap, you ARE the Biggest Loser LOL) and on the healthy lifestyle.
I am glad that you yourself mentioned you think about doing some weight lifting as that was what I was going to suggest when I read about the cardio 5 times a week. Now it's time to pump some iron and get the muscles back!!!
Take care and stop eating out of sadness - that's a slippery slope, but you know that yourself. :-)
Congratulations on your weight loss. You definitely should be proud of what you have achieved. I'm sorry your family isn't more supportive ... I'm not sure why your parents would think you would want to hear what people are saying behind your back. If it were me and I was worried about my health, I;d think about having a wellness exam, particularly if I hadn't had one in a while. That way, you can be sure that you are as healthy as you feel.
Congratulations again on adopting a healthier lifestyle.
I'm about 6 ft tall. For 6 ft and 165 that puts me at 22.4 BMI. Normal is between 18.5 to 24.9.
Now I am going to see a doctor because I'm so worried. I have to take time off work, lose pay - just to go out of fear of dying and depression.
I was even told to start eating big macs and BBQ wings and gain about 20 to 30 pounds. Also, someone said I looked "absolute crap and look like a child molestor". Someone else flatout said "Dude, you look way too thin..you need help". Meanwhile, people who've just seen me for the first time tell me I look really good.
I'm not sure why your parents would think you would want to hear what people are saying behind your back.
This is a VERY good point: I'd go to the doctor for a physical (it'll make you feel better when he tells you how healthy you are), report to your parents that the doctor thinks you are in great health, and then make it clear to your parents that you do not want to know negative things other people are saying. Tell them to please not tell you, it doesn't help anything.
I agree with other posters that it's weird for your parents to tell you what other people are saying--unless that was just their excuse, and it's really THEM who are worried.
I assume none of your family members are doctors? If they aren't, then they don't know anything about it.
If you want to set your mind at rest, go for an annual physical. Be sure to tell your doctor that you used to weigh around 280 but that over X months/years, you have worked very hard with diet and exercise to get down to your current weight. You could even take a sample of your daily menu or a graph of your weight loss. Doctors love to see this stuff! Then your doc will know this information and can judge your tests accordingly.
It's nice to know that people are concerned, but honestly! I had one friend (who is obese, btw) ask me if I was sick after I lost weight. Gosh, I'm healthier than I've been in years!
Hang in there. Ignore the haters. Find out for youself.
Honestly, I wouldn't even go to the doctor about it unless YOU have concerns. It's not like you're losing weight for some unknown reason, right? You're eating better and excercising more - weight loss is a known side effect of dieting and excercising! If you were still eating in your old way and not excercising, but still losing weight, that would be cause for concern.
There are a few things that could be at work here...
A) I think a lot of people judge weight/health based on looking at a person's face. An unfortunate side effect for those of us who have lost a significant amount of weight is that sometimes our faces can get a little hollow as we get toward our goal. Sometimes it goes away after a while, sometimes it doesn't. Because this hollowness is also seen in people with eating disorders, some folks will jump to the erroneous conclusion that you must have an ED too.
B) Families like to put their family members into boxes. The smart one, the fat one, the funny one, the crazy one, etc. When you challenge their perception of you by making such an incredible change, they panic and start worrying about you. The fat one is no longer fat, what happened? He must be sick! Don't lose any more weight, because then our world is shaken up - we don't know who he is if he isn't in the fat box anymore. Change is scary for most people and you are creating waves in your family by changing. Their reaction isn't right, but it happens. You didn't mention if weight problems run in your family, but that can also be a source of this kind of criticism - what does it say about them if you managed to lose the weight and they are still fat?
Listen to those who don't have an emotional reason to want to keep you as you were. The people at work you mentioned, your doctor, yourself, etc. I'm so sorry this has made you so sad at what should be a happy time for you with lots of excitement. Goodness, no one can wound us like family can because they are the people we look to to accept us as we are.
I hope you keep coming here - this group understands like no other what you are going though - the good and the bad. And congratulations on your amazing weight loss!
If you're up to it, you could post some before and after pictures here. We'll tell you if your relatives are nuts (though based on what you said they said, they are not only nuts, but cruel). And at 165 and 6 ft tall, I'm sure you look fine! That's my height and goal (I may be a girl, but I'm not small framed at all) and it is smack in the middle of the range for normal BMI.
I had friends who became quite concerned about me when I lost a significant amount of weight. Finally one of them discussed it with me and I could put her mind at ease.
I think it is great that you will be seeing a doctor, just to relieve your mind. It is absolutely no fun to be sad and depressed when you should be happy about your weight-loss achievements.
And when the doctor says you are doing just great, then you can share that news with others and get yourself back to that gym.
I totally agree with CLCSC145!! No one can hurt you like your family! Don't let fear take control of your life. I guess it's just human nature but people don't realize that they can plant seeds of fear and doubt into others' minds. If you dwell on it for too long, you will end up where you are now, scared that something really is wrong!
I also agree with the others, you have come a long way! Don't let anybody take that from you because losing weight is definitely not an easy task!! It's a struggle in and of itself without the rude an cruel comments of others. You need comfort and encouragement during the hard times of this journey and you can absolutely get that here!! Just keep coming back to the site and try to push those comments and fears out of your mind and get your focus back on your new, more healthy lifestyle!!
Not sure of your "religous" background but here is a verse from the Bible that might help you...
2 Timothy 1:7...
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
If you're up to it, you could post some before and after pictures here. We'll tell you if your relatives are nuts (though based on what you said they said, they are not only nuts, but cruel). And at 165 and 6 ft tall, I'm sure you look fine! That's my height and goal (I may be a girl, but I'm not small framed at all) and it is smack in the middle of the range for normal BMI.
I would rather not publically post it, but I can send you on privately. Is there anyway to do it?
shenfan first of all congrats on your weight loss. I think you are doing great.
Now I happen to be one of those people that started getting these kinds of comments lately after 55 lbs of weight loss. Partially they are true, I do look pale and have dark circles round my eyes, but I am not sick, my face always looked like that was, it is that people just started associating it with my weight loss.
Anyways I say you should only see a doctor if you are feeling ill. I do a blood test every year just to know how I am. This is pretty much it and I show it if someone doesn't believe me.
Also I agree with the other ladies, family is the one that will most likely cause your feelings to hurt because they do fear of their definitions of you getting shaked.
Oh and I agree with CLCSC145 post some pictures and let us tell you they are crazy. ^.^
Keep going!
Last edited by preetyladyserenity; 03-14-2010 at 03:32 PM.
Can't hurt to go in for an annual physical. That way, you can assure your parents (and yourself) that you are healthy and not ill or dying. Congrats on doing such a good job. Sounds to me like you have some jealous family members! It's hard, but I'd try and shrug it off.
Family thinks I'm dying cause I've lost weight
