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Old 03-18-2010, 01:01 PM   #1  
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Default Are you suprised by how you are treated now?

I know this is awful, but I'm most surprised by how I'm treated by heavier people. When I was heavier I understood or was used to how thinner people would treat me. I could tell the felt sorry for me or they were disgusted by me or were glad they weren't me or whatever. Now I feel like I get almost the same attitude from heavier people and it makes me sad and it also makes me feel guilty for losing the weight. I also feel like heavier people are on the defensive with me because they think I feel the way thin people felt (or at least I thought they felt) about me when I was heavy. I'm so suprised that there is no place were people can just accept each other now that I've been on both sides of the spectrum. There just isn't a happy medium no matter what size you are...I think if everyone could just live in each others shoes for a moment we'd all realize that none of us are better than anyone else...
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Old 03-18-2010, 01:13 PM   #2  
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While I don't doubt this happens to some degree, are you sure you are not projecting a bit? Weight loss is an absorbing process, and changing your entire lifestyle tends to force you to hyperfocus on weight issues. If a woman is sending a negative look your way, she may well not be looking at your figure, but rather thinking your pants and shoes clash, or that that haircut it a lot like the one her irritating sister has, or even thinking about an annoying incident at work. Just because you (and I) am focused on size and notice that first in other people right now does not mean that it's the most important issue to everyone else.

It's like when I was car shopping. I am not normally a car person, I don't notice cars, but when (once a decade) I have to buy a new car I suddenly pay lots of attention to cars, I notice what everyone is driving, I know things like what features are standard and what cost more, I know where dealers are. I forget all this as soon as I make up my mind and buy a care. But while I am in the middle of it, I tend to assume everyone else is noticing/knows the same things I do. I suddenly care about cars so I think they do, too. Now, some of them do and always did--I just never noticed--and some of them don't and never have--and I don't always notice that before I bore them to tears.

Again, I am sure that some overweight people are looking at you differently than they did before. But I really do think most people are thinking about themselves 95% of the time, and perceive everyone else--especially relative strangers--as only shadowing figures around them.
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Old 03-18-2010, 01:27 PM   #3  
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I think you are absolutly right! I hadn't thought about it this way and this really puts it into perspective for me, thank you! This makes me feel a lot better about people in general I am pretty much consumed by weight loss, fitness and body types right now so of course I would be projecting that. And I totally know what you mean about cars, so of course that would apply to many of life's situations!

I wanted to add that they are probably staring at me because I'm staring at them (judgingly I'm sure).

I'm thinking I should edit this post to ask are you suprised with how you treat other people now...

Last edited by ncuneo; 03-18-2010 at 01:35 PM.
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Old 03-18-2010, 01:46 PM   #4  
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I totally agree with Shmead, that was very well said. But I also think you're right too.... I don't know about bigger people being rude to me or whatever, I've never noticed that. But... thinner people are nicer to me. That's a darn given. Yeah, I'm a little more outgoing, but I'm still horrendously shy and people are nicer. Holding doors open for me, asking me how my day was, joking with me. I know I'm acting happier and friendlier, but really, I used to dress better when I was bigger because I felt like I had to make up for my fat. I always had my hair, brows, makeup done, and I was wearing perfume and whitening my teeth. I remember a few times where I made a joke in class (and it was funny, I don't talk unless I have something to say), and most of the class just stared at me like I was ******ed. It was so embarrassing.

Now, I'm lazy. My brows are wild, I'm NEVER in makeup, and I go to class in my PJs. Yet, people are nicer to me and I feel like I'm getting into the in crowd or something, it's weird. And it's not because I'm smiling more.
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Old 03-18-2010, 03:16 PM   #5  
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Funny thing.. .as a general rule I don't believe that heavier people look at me differently because I am a size 13... BUT people I knew when I was close to 400 pounds (who are STILL close to or over 300-400 pounds) tend to... hate me. lol!!!!

There's one woman that is on my school PAC and she used to be so nice to me, we chatted all the time. As I lost weight she withdrew, got snarkier and snarkier and now she's downright openly hostile to me! NOTHING HAS CHANGED except my weight. I don't talk to her about it, preach about it or anything! But her attitude has completely changed towards me...
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Old 03-18-2010, 05:01 PM   #6  
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I find I am treated differently by people in general, in that I am not stared at, laughed at when I walk into a room, store, etc. I don't think that's a perception thing, as when over 400 lbs, people stared and made comments. But I did at first think that people were friendlier to me as I started losing weight. I now think it is because I am friendlier, smile more, am more open, etc.

The people I knew that were heavier don't seem to treat me any differently, except for one woman at a plus sized store. I went there to buy a bra, looking for the smallest band size they have in a type of bra that I had worn for a few sizes and found it most comfortable. I walked into the store, and the lady working is bigger, but not the size I was. She always was so friendly with me when I would shop there, but I noticed she was treating me differently as I was losing weight. When I walked into the store the last time, she said, "What are you doing here? There's nothing for you here anyway." I walked right out without buying anything, and instead of taking it in a negative way, I was celebrating the fact that I am not limited to a plus-sized store anymore.
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Old 03-18-2010, 06:16 PM   #7  
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I wouldn't say that many of the looks or attitude are meant to be negative towards you. This is my perspective on the situation. At my heaviest, and still now, I am uncomfortable around people I don't know, and extremely uncomfortable around thin people. In my life, I have received enough rude, snide comments about my weight, disapproving looks, jokes made loud enough for me to hear, that I can't let go of the anxiety I have when I am around new people. I'm afraid that anxiety and uneasiness comes through as being snotty, or stuck-up. Constantly being defensive, just in case.
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Old 03-18-2010, 06:19 PM   #8  
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this is so interesting, and not something I would have thought of! I haven't lost any noticeable amount of weight yet, but I'm interested to see what happens...
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Old 03-19-2010, 03:48 AM   #9  
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Actually I felt like that once before, like how people seem to treat you differently when there's a change in you.

I remember many years back when I was entering a new class and made a nice group of friends. That year I had decided I was going to be myself and say what I thought and laugh easily. Because of such a change in attitude, I became rather popular in class (I'm not living in my own world here or being arrogant).

Problem is, the friends closest to me started becoming meaner to be. They would often say little things that really hurt me, and I couldn't kick up a fuss because then it would just seem like I was being petty to others since they were just small comments deftly inserted into our conversations. But they really hurt.

It's probably the same when it comes to losing weight. Many of us overweight people may have alot of friends for many reasons. It may be because we're genuinely lovable and thus popular. But at the same time (let's be practical), alot of people make friends who are overweight because we probably don't pose a threat to them in terms of the looks department. (They don't have to worry that guys will be interested in you instead of them and that there'll be comparisons between both of you etc)

As cruel as it may sound, when you start losing weight (and thus become "hotter"), people who surround you may start feeling like you're a growing threat.

But in that case, they probably aren't your true friends. A true friend would probably be happy and proud that you've managed to lose all that weight!
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