Have you ever lost weight (or are lossing weight) and eventually the friends, who once hung out with you when you were heavy/heavier, no longer hang out with you?
A very long time ago, I was slender and physically healthy. I use to get a lot of attention from men. I had a group a friends that use to hang out with me, but when I started to lose noticable weight, their friendships faded away. Eventually, I gained back the weight (and then some more) and I'm now trying to begin my weight loss journey again.
I don't really socialize by going to lounges/clubs or any other social event right now because I feel insecure about how much weight I've put on these past couple of years. I am also depressed. I am an emotional eater. I am still recoveirng from past trama and use food as my ''drug''. I know that I'm not living my life to the fullest and I don't feel like it because I'm ashamed of how I look and I don't like how I feel both physically and mentally. I feel more at ease and comfort in my own house sitting on the coach surfing the internet....finding the ''comfort'' from strangers on a message board instead of improving my 'real' life socially and making real-time friends instead of virtual friends.
I worry that if I start losing weight and start to look physically attractive again, then I will attract superficial people (believe me, it happens...the ''pretty looking'' women want to start talking to you and invite you to lunch and the men start doing favors for you....at least that's how it was when I was much smaller...and these are adults! not kids in high school).
Sweetie, you aren't that big! I hide myself in my home because I don't want people thinking "Fat chick, how could she let herself get so big". I'm pretty lucky that I have friends who accept me but want me to be healthy. I'm working on losing weight and feeling great. My self-esteem has improved as the pounds have dropped but I wonder why I can't find work when I'm a degree holder, ya know? How old are u if u don't mind me asking?
I think alot of it has to do with attitude than looks. Many times not always but many times someone who is by their standards fat doesn't come of as the fun loving party kind of girl so the fact your friends mght not be around is cuz your attitude has changed. You said yourself you dont go to clubs and would rather stay home. I am guessing you are a bit young maybe college age and typically friendships at that time are most about having a good time than making real lasting friendships.
First, as mentioned above, 155 is hardly a freakish number (not that anyone should ever hide out at ANY weight) and I'm sure you look great, even though you're not as small as you'd like. And really, why would you have to befriend superficial people if you don't want to, at any weight? Many of my friends are very tiny/in very good shape/very attractive, and yet are very down-to-earth and have meaningful friendships with me. I really don't see the connection between losing some weight and having to overhaul your social life.
I'm 155lbs, 42% body fat, and I wear size 14/16 in pants. I'm not a healthy 155, but believe me when I say that I wish I was a healthy 155 pounds. My body is made up of 42% fat and I feel sluggish and unmotiviated most of the time. I was walking up a hill in town yesterday and I was getting tired just from doing that, so I know that I'm ridiculously out of shape and need to change my lifestyle habits.
I know that I'm not so heavy that I qualify to compete in the 'Biggers Loser' TV show; however, going from a size 8 to a size 14/16 within a 2 year time frame doesn't help my self-esteem. I've already checked it out with the doctor and found out that is has nothing to do with my thyroid. The doctor just told me to start eating healthier and to exercise. I need to get rid of my depression first I think. I need something to snap out of this ''rut''' and to finally get back into shape and start looking and feeling good.
I've read that this message board is very supportive. I hope that is the case whether a person is 355lbs, 255lbs, 155lbs, or even 105lbs.
I have mentioned it before, but I had a size two anny friend tell me she was HAPPY I was fat. It had actually made her unhappy to be friends with me when I was a size 12, but as a size 26, she knew she was better looking than me and could stay friends. She said if I had lost any more weight, she would have stopped hanging out with me. I KNOW some friends will stop being there if you make the change and decide to get healthy. In the end, I had to ditch her because I needed to get fit (not the only reason, I assure you!), and couldn't with her insecurities and constant attempts at sabotage.
That being said, hun, I WOULD LOVE to be back in my size 12's and that was quite a bit over the weight you are now. Maybe you could decide you are pretty now, but you would like to to be gorgeous and healthy in a few months? Also, you will make new friends, and even ones online count. Just get out there when you feel comfortable, it may be sooner than you think.
(Edit: I started writing this before you posted again. I re-itterate, then, if you feel unhealty, change it, but don't decide you aren't worth a social life just because of a few extra pounds)
Last edited by eratosthanes; 02-22-2010 at 12:20 AM.
I've read that this message board is very supportive. I hope that is the case whether a person is 355lbs, 255lbs, 155lbs, or even 105lbs.
Overall we are a very supportive group. I think sometimes people who have alot of weight to lose do have harder time relating to someone like yourself since your weight seems small in compaired to most of us. However I also believe whether its 5 or 205 pounds someone needs to lose we all could use some support as long as it is done in a healthy way.
You might want to check out our featherweight sub forum. There might be some people there who have a better understaning of where you are in this process of weight loss.
No matter how much or how little you have to lose, there's definitely a place for you here (but no matter how big you feel, you should never deprive yourself of a social life). Welcome to the boards!
I think, regardless of weight, this forum is helpful for moving towards a healthier life-style, regardless of the weight issue. In a world where unhealthy food is so prevalent, its a good place to come to be reminded that people really do like veggies.
Back to the original topic, yes, absolutely. My best friends from home, we'll call he O. She always liked that I was heavier than her and that she could be the thin one. When O started to gain weight, she was happy to have someone to blame. Now that we're about the same weight, our friendship has drastically changed. I'm happier and she doesn't have someone to blame; clearly, if I can lose the weight, I'm not the horrible influence she makes me out to be. Its become this huge stopping block in our relationship because she won't even acknowledge my weight loss.
But, these are HER problems, not mine. I think you have to relate the same principle back to your friends. True friends learn to adapt with your healthy lifestyle, are glad that you're changing your lifestyle and are supportive along the way. It may take some time, but I think it comes with the terms of friendship.
I've not lost friends because of losing wight but I've definitely had friends trying to feed me up to stop me losing.
As for the other comments that have cropped up; well I'm roughly your weight and I feel like a total colossas. The fact that there are other much heavier people in the world has never made me feel any better about myself so I totally understand what you mean. I've also been known to turn down social invitations because I've simply felt too fat compared to all my 120lb friends. Other people may think that that's ridiculous because compared to them I'm light but that doesn't render what I think of me invalid.
May I suggest you check out both the featherweights and depression forums.
I am not belittling anyone's current/former weight. When I was a size 12 I felt like a fat cow. Now that I am a 24, I think a 12 is SO tiny, but that doesn't mean that people who are a size 12 don't feel just like I did then.
Well, I did lose a friend--a close friend. Now, granted, we were on our way out already but the weightloss was nails in the coffin. She was morbidly obese and just couldn't handle it in addition to the other drama we had going on.
I have also had something really disheartening happen. My overweight acquaintances (people I see regularly because of my circumstance but aren't truly friends) are loving not keeping me as part of the group. Sadly, I encountered this over the weekend and was upset about it--and really still am. Luckily, I am blessed with a couple of close friends and a fantastic hubby.
Now, reading that--one might think it's ME or my attitude or whatever. It's not. I have changed NILL. I am the same me--never a frienemy--never one to talk weightloss casually--never to be a cat. BUT, many of them are clearly uncomfortable around me now and I am hating it and find it quite lonely. I will admit that my hair has changed, my clothes have changed, my makeup too--but me in relation to the way I treat others? Nope. That has NOT changed.
On the flip side, I have found some new friends and have been invited out and invited over with people that normally don't spend too much time on me.
It is not my imagination. It is not my attitude. But you know what? It will not stop me. I am going to continue taking care of myself--emotionally and physically. God will put in place what it is and WHO it is I need in my life. I believe that. And, THAT group certainly won't care if I am 130 or 230 or whether or not I am toting a Prada or Walmart.
I am not belittling anyone's current/former weight. When I was a size 12 I felt like a fat cow. Now that I am a 24, I think a 12 is SO tiny, but that doesn't mean that people who are a size 12 don't feel just like I did then.
I think that's absolutely right. You felt fat at both a size 12 and a size 24. it's such a personal thing and comes down to self confidence. I personally have no self-confidence in my body image but one of my best friends is over 350lbs and has oodles of it.
Now, reading that--one might think it's ME or my attitude or whatever. It's not. I have changed NILL. I am the same me--never a frienemy--never one to talk weightloss casually--never to be a cat. BUT, many of them are clearly uncomfortable around me now and I am hating it and find it quite lonely. I will admit that my hair has changed, my clothes have changed, my makeup too--but me in relation to the way I treat others? Nope. That has NOT changed.
I remember seeing your goal photos when you posted them. In your case it was plain envy I imagine; you were good looking before but are seriously gorgeous now and I suspect some of your acquaintainces just couldn't cope with it.
Weight loss and losing friends?
