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Old 12-06-2009, 02:37 PM   #1  
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Default Dont you hate when they say..

You don't need to lose anymore weight..

Hello.. I should know how much more weight i need to lose..
I dont know why people do this.. Im amost 5'7 Im in a snug size 12,
lose 14...
My goal is at LEAST 25 more.. and size 10..
I have large muscles/frame so i do look a bit thiner and i run so have more of a solid mass than jiggle.. BUT I am not thin..
If I went by what the weight charts say, I would have to lose 40 more pounds for my height but my doctor said.. 25 would be fine..The way my body is.

Why do people still say...
OH you dont need to lose anymore weight.. are they blind?
LOL- I am guessing they are comparing me to my tight size 16 ...
prob should of been an 18.. but i refused to go up LOL.

anyone else have this issue?

Last edited by Grace73; 12-06-2009 at 02:39 PM.
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Old 12-06-2009, 03:45 PM   #2  
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That bothers me too! I think that some folks believe they are being supportive by saying that while others I believe are just jealous! They don't like the fact that you have the will power, disapline and dedication to change your life and live a healthy lifestyle, look smokin hot and love it! Could be they don't like the fact that you are gonna get the attention they feel they should have. I went through this with a now ex-friend of mine.

Listen to your body and as long as your healthy and happy that's what matters!
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Old 12-06-2009, 04:17 PM   #3  
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I think sometimes it's support, sometimes it's a mis-perception of what is appropriate for you, and sometimes it's just plain ol' sabotage.

Do what is right for you, and don't let others derail your efforts.
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Old 12-06-2009, 04:35 PM   #4  
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Some people jealous. Some are trying to be nice or don't know what to say. Some are just blinded by how much change there has been. Some really just love you and want you to know they don't care what size you are.

It can be frustrating. It's probably usually most effective to say thank you and change the subject, rather than getting into it with them. It helps if you don't talk about weight loss or dieting. Although you shouldn't have to censor yourself, sometimes you have to pick your battles.

But really, most comments from other people about your weight or your food or exercise are really about who they are, not about you. If someone really is setting their own feeling aside and thinking about *you*, that's probably someone worth discussing things with. But the other people - you won't change what they think about you until you change what they think about themselves - ick, who wants to take on that battle?
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Old 12-06-2009, 04:55 PM   #5  
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I have taken it to mean they think I look just fine, and this is their weird way of saying that. So I would say, "Thanks!" And I just don't discuss whether I still plan to lose more or not.

Jay
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Old 12-06-2009, 06:31 PM   #6  
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My parents do this to me all the time. When I'm weighing in at 150, they'll start saying I look sick and that I have to gain some weight and that I"m nothing but skin and bones. It also tics me off, but I think it's what they really mean. I've decided that next time they make this comment (when I finally reach my goal), I'm going to tell them, that according to BMI, the medical community and the majority of people in this country, I"m doing just fine!
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Old 12-06-2009, 07:44 PM   #7  
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My dad has been telling me for years that I need to lose weight, that I'm shortening my life, etc. So, I finally lost a lot of weight and I finally saw him last week for the first time in over a year. His first response was, "Woah, you are too thin. You need to gain some weight."

I think people just feel they have to say something and saying you lost enough is just a way of them saying that they think you look fine now. But I never decided to lose weight because other people thought I should (I did it for myself) and I'm still not going to listen to them when they tell me I when I should stop (I'll stop when I've reached my goal).
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Old 12-06-2009, 08:12 PM   #8  
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Since *many* people tend to lose a lot of weight in their face first, and often our faces seem perfectly "normal" before our hips and thighs catch up, I think that people say "you don't need to lose more" based on our facial features. What they look at first and notice most as well as where weight loss is usually the most obvious. I used to get the "you don't need to lose anymore" a lot. I'd just say something like, "My doctor said I need to lose a few more pounds", or something like that. What I hated more than anything was when people would say, "How much more do you want to lose?" and when I'd tell them they'd say..."oh you don't need to lose anymore". I was like...will obviously YOU think I need to lose more or you wouldn't have assumed that I planned on losing more. LOL
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Old 12-07-2009, 06:16 AM   #9  
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Keep in mind that it's difficult for people to see someone much smaller than how they are used to seeing them. Even if you're at a healthy weight it can be almost shocking for a friend, relative, colleague to see you so changed.

Its not necessarily jealously or sabotage that motivate the comments. Sometimes it's genuine surprise or astonishment and happiness for you. "You don't need to lose any more weight, you look fine!" is their way of saying "you are looking so good right now!"

We're used to hearing the negative in what others say rather than taking it at face value that someone is actually giving us a compliment in their own way.

Of course, there ARE some who would probably like to be able to lose weight themselves and then there ARE times when the comment is GENUINE concern.

I refused to hear "oh, you don't need to lose anymore, you're a stick!" as anything other than jealousy all the way down to 50kgs on a 169cm frame. Thats 110 pounds at 5'7...and I'm not fine boned.

At the weight I am now I still wouldnt mind losing a couple more kilos. When I mention it to people they look at me sideways and ask why. And I can totally understand that! I'm a size 8 - 10 australian (4 -6 US). But its still nice to think people think I look fine the way I am

Try taking what they say as a positive rather than being annoyed by it. People think you look good...embrace it and be happy, and then just keep plugging away with what you're doing

Last edited by Lyria; 12-07-2009 at 06:23 AM.
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Old 12-07-2009, 06:36 AM   #10  
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I am just waiting for the day that someone says that to me. The last 10 lbs or so that I lost I have been getting lots of compliments but nobody has said I need to stop. It is times like this that I miss my gram so much, she knew just what to say and when to say it. She would have told me I was perfect just the way I was but to do what makes me happy :-)

The last time I weighed this weight was before my last pregnancy and when I got down to this weight my stomach looked a lot better than it does now. I think that that is what is stopping me from looking like I don't need to lose anymore...if I could just get the extra flabby skin to disappear!

Last edited by lauralyn; 12-07-2009 at 06:37 AM.
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Old 12-07-2009, 08:25 AM   #11  
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I'm still two or three pounds overweight and only two people have said it to me, they are the two most important people in my life and I know that they aren't jealous and neither would dream of trying to sabotage me, so it's not come from a negative place in my case.

I think that in the West we have a pretty unrealistic idea of what a 'normal' bodyweight looks like; it's pretty skinny and we also have a very unrealistic idea of what a 'normal' amount to eat is; it doesn't involve much pizza or cake.

So when the two most precious people in my world see me not eating much pizza/cake and looking pretty skinny they are both uncomfortable, not because they are jealous but because I'm not acting 'normally' within my culture.
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Old 12-07-2009, 08:48 AM   #12  
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I think that sometimes these comments spring from the misconception that dieting and exercise are a chore or hardship.

Then, in essence, your friends are saying "You can stop depriving yourself and killing yourself at the gym because you look just fine to me."

They are, of course, missing the entire point of optimal fitness and maintenance but they'll just glaze over if you try to explain.
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Old 12-07-2009, 11:55 AM   #13  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lauralyn View Post
I am just waiting for the day that someone says that to me. The last 10 lbs or so that I lost I have been getting lots of compliments but nobody has said I need to stop.
No one ever said it to me either! Oh well.
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Old 12-07-2009, 12:23 PM   #14  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SouthernMaven View Post
I think sometimes it's support, sometimes it's a mis-perception of what is appropriate for you, and sometimes it's just plain ol' sabotage.

Do what is right for you, and don't let others derail your efforts.


I think this is really well said!!!!!! I couldn't agree more!
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Old 12-07-2009, 12:39 PM   #15  
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100% YES on this.

I'd never tell anyone what I think they should do about their weight - whether it's lose, gain, or maintain. I mostly get it from my grandparents (every single time I see them) and other relatives... but I've also heard it from other people I'm not that close to, and I'm always in awe of what people are willing to say out loud.
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