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Old 11-07-2009, 01:31 AM   #46  
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Oh boy, where do I start

I got bussed to elementary school in a rich neighborhood. I was poor, I was one of the only Jewish kids, and I was the only kid with divorced parents. I was the only fat kid, and I was five foot five by the time I was ten.

So every single day, I got my *** kicked, I got called names, I had caricatures of me passed around class, there was a book passed around class where the kids made up things about me, you name it I got it. It wasn't all for being fat - some of it was for being poor, some of it was for having divorced parents, and some of it was for being Jewish - but it all sucked. I was faking sick two or three days a week, I was miserable and withdrawn and starting from age nine I used to write suicide notes and fantasize about killing myself. So my mom went up to the school to ask why nothing had been done and the principal told her it was my own fault because if I wasn't so fat they wouldn't have anything to pick on me about. Any trust I may have at any point had in authority figures pretty much evaporated at that point. Towards the end of fifth grade I snapped, kicked a kid's ***, and I was the one who got in trouble.

After elementary school into middle and high school I got moo'd at, I got things thrown at me, I got fake hit on, I got sexually assaulted and was told that I had to have initiated it because I was such a hideous troll that no one would ever do that to me.

Thankfully I got to college and got some self-esteem, but ugh. What a horror.

A lot of the kids that tormented me in elementary school have added me on facebook recently - not to apologize, but just for the sake of adding me. I initially added all of them back and then realized that I did not owe them anything and I removed all except a few who were my friends/did not torment me. Had they apologized, I would feel differently about them but we are all in our 20s now and they should be ashamed of how they treated me (and the other Easy Target Kid - the short, small, shy Jewish boy in our class) but they aren't. Does it make me a small person that I enjoy the fact that their tanning, drinking, and smoking has made a lot of them look like they are in their 40s when they are all 23?

I occasionally do my grocery shopping on the way home from the gym because they are right next to each other. I work out in yoga pants and t shirts or tanktops. Twice in the last couple of months, I have scared small children. One parent scolded the child for pointing at me and saying THAT LADY IS SCARY and one parent, when confronted after his children pointed at me and screamed HEY DID YOU SEE THAT THING WALK BY, just smirked and said nothing.

I don't have much hope that this will ever stop, honestly.

Last edited by nooch; 11-07-2009 at 01:32 AM.
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Old 11-07-2009, 03:31 AM   #47  
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I don't have much hope that this will ever stop, honestly.
:-( So do I. And holefully you do not need to lose the weight before this happens. It`s them who need to change, not you!

Have a good weekend
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Old 11-07-2009, 03:43 AM   #48  
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In high school in my economics class I got called up to play a trivia game along with another kid. That kid went up first and when the teacher announce that I would be going up against him the kid said loud enough for everyone in the entire class to hear "Oh okay you picked her she is just as fat as me anyways." Everyone was like oh man and the girl next to me said I would of slapped him but I just remained quiet and the teacher asked if I was ok and I was like sure.... This didn't really affect me but I think about that once in a long while.
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Old 11-07-2009, 05:40 AM   #49  
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I dunno, I hope that you're right in thinking that people who were cruel when they were younger have somehow outgrown it. I kind of think that if a person is a cruel bully in their younger years, chances are they're still a cruel bully as an adult. I hope I'm wrong but my experience has been that cruel, shallow people are generally that way for life. Sometimes it's a matter of maturity, but sometimes it's for life.

The stories in this thread are truly heartbreaking.
I agree. I remember something my old martial arts teacher told me when I was around 14ish (when I was being bullied, but he didnt know that), he said "Ghost, some people are a**holes because they like being a**holes, and they dont want to change". So I think that while these people might change, they probably wont unless they have to, maybe if they are confronted with what they do to people or something. The bully I had would suck other people in so we were all too afraid to do anything, not even stick up for each other, because we were too grateful that we werent the targets of the bullying to do so. It wasnt weight related but still. There was slapping, pinching, once the girl held on to my nose and shook my head so hard I thought it would break. I dont think she will change for as long as she can get what she wants by behaving like that.
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Old 11-07-2009, 08:01 AM   #50  
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Plenty of horror stories

but guess what I imagine sometimes on the treadmill when I'm struggling and feeling un-motivated

every single one of those horrible stories and experiences~

1 guy in junior high used to laugh and point at me going "miss piggy" and his cronies would laugh with him... he was one of the "popular" guys who was bigger than me but of course.. men are allowed to be

1 guy in high school got paired up with me because boys and girls were paird up to play basketball... ugh I hated PE... I went "it's not that bad" ..he goes "yes it is" *frowns* *pissed off he's stuck with me*..... it's not like I wanted to be stuck with him ok! gawd

In college... some idiotic drunk girl mistook me for another girl who weighs at least 70lbs more than me ...kept on calling me that ALLL night..... I was so depressed... "Do I look that big?" ... My sister was like "no she's just an idiot"

We were getting into cars for a long roadtrip and 3 of the skinny girls sat in the back.... and the driver (who is also NOT SKINNY) turns to me and goes "lol you know your *** won't fit back there"... I was already going to the front seat... talk about rude...

but I want to say THANK YOU to those (%*)%!% because this fuels my motivation at times I'm down... ^_^ I will be thinking of you when I'm at the gym....


--- I've read every single post in this thread and I'm soo angry for so many of you. I think it's another great motivator to get off the couch
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Old 11-07-2009, 08:33 AM   #51  
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but I want to say THANK YOU to those (%*)%!% because this fuels my motivation at times I'm down... ^_^ I will be thinking of you when I'm at the gym....
Agree so, so much!

Or if I want to eat naughty things, I think: "No, I don`t do you that favour!" It works!
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Old 11-07-2009, 08:58 AM   #52  
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I have quite a few as well and the ones that sting the most are from the last 3-4 years. Weird, huh?

A. I went to a restaurant for lunch with a friend. We always go to this place. I ordered an individual pizza and there was one slice left. I thought I'd take it home. I asked the waiter for a box and he said "for that one slice? I mean, is it worth it?" I just stared at him blankly and said "ok I don't want it anymore." I guess he realized his mistake and tried backpedaling but it didn't work. The next time this happens (it has NEVER happened to me before), I'm going to say "I asked for a box, not your opinion." ARGH! It burns me that I think of these things well after the fact.

B. One of my bosses organized a picnic in the park for the lab. We all brought a little something. I was feeling hungry so I had a second lettuce cup. A LETTUCE CUP with some noodles, chicken and assorted flavorings. He says loudly, in front of everyone, "My, you have a healthy appetite!" and nobody said anything (thanks for the support, friends!) so I gave a big smile and said "Thank you!" Then people laughed and it eased the tension a bit. After that, he said later on "how was your dinner?" implying AGAIN that I had eaten a lot. Really. Was that necessary?

C. I was my heaviest at my wedding despite all my strenuous exercising. I didn't lose weight (I ate like a horse to counteract the exercising and I was stressed to the MAX, but anyway) and my jeans were a little on the tight side. A frenemy at work goes "Are those skinny jeans?" meaning my jeans were so tight that they hugged my calves as well. Girls.

I keep these incidences in mind when I feel like slowing down on my walk or eating high calorie food. I have this petty need to put up a profile pic on facebook showing off my awesome bod. That makes me smile and start jogging.
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Old 11-07-2009, 02:47 PM   #53  
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As a kid I stuck out but although I was not much heavier as an adult I blended in better because there are more large women than there are girls. I however remember being in Italy, trying the biggest blouse in a shop which did not fit. I asked the shop assistant for advice, and she looked at me with utter contempt and said something along the line of: "No, that`s the biggest ones we got. I don`t think we stock your size at all, even if you tried another model I don`t think we`d have anything which fits you!"

I feel your pain, this sort of thing happened to me in europe when I was a teenager. There was no such thing as a department store where you could shop anonymously, oh no in europe you must go to a boutique and they will show you clothes, you can't just browse. So I walked into a boutique and as soon as I stepped in the lady was very dismissive to me "we don't have anything here in your size" and walked away. I left, mortified, but what she didn't know was that I wasn't there to shop for myself, I wanted to pick out a blouse for a gift. The nerve... I'm so mad I still remember that and that it still makes me mad!
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Old 11-07-2009, 09:01 PM   #54  
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WOW -- Maybe I have blocked most of mine but I know I have some. Just is terrible that liek others have said that there are some that think it's ok to say these things to overweight people.
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Old 11-08-2009, 04:53 AM   #55  
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Default ugh

my mom has always called me a fat*** b**** when she was drunk.
of course she wouldnt remember saying it the next day.

i too suffered tremendous humiliation at the hands of my schoolmates in middle school. daily i was picked on, and looking back it wasn't actually because i was fat, or i had frizzy hair, or a strange birthmark on my face. it was because i was too afraid to say anything, so i never did. one girl once put gum in my hair and on my seat during a school concert, and i sat on it in the best dress i owned. i remember the day after middle school i obtained the screen-name of my biggest tormentor, who told me every chance he got how ugly, stupid and fat i was, and asked him why he did it and told him how much he had hurt me and he said he was sorry.

my middle school tormentors also added me on facebook.
sometimes i want to build up the courage to write messages to them saying what i remember them doing to me. however, i am afraid any replies i get are going to be like "oh, get over it, it was more than 10 yrs ago".
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Old 11-08-2009, 05:41 AM   #56  
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Also, in college (when I was at my lowest weight of 135) I had an ex boyfriend who would look at porn. I asked why he looked at it when he had a girlfriend, and he said, 'All of these girls have smokin' hot bods." Unfortunately, I didn't get that he contributed to a lot of my self esteem issues until years later. Don't let jerks walk all over you!
sheesh....I heard that one about needing to watch hot girls in porn from my ex too. Even when we went out with his friends they'd always check out girls in front of me saying "how hot they look and look at that ones body/butt" right in front of me like I wasn't even there. Guys can be harsh with how they think we should look..
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Old 11-08-2009, 06:43 AM   #57  
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I am reading through this thread with tears in my eyes - here's mine:

I went through chubby stages on and off in grammar school. In fourth grade, we were lining up to be weighed at school(anyone on here old enough to remember when thye used to do this?). As if that wasn't bad enough, there were two women doing it - one would check your weight and CALL OUT THE NUMBER to another woman taking the info down, loud enough for the rest of your class to hear. I weighed 89.25 lbs. She called out the number, and as I made my way out of there with my head down, a classmate grabbed my arm and said , "You weigh THAT much?".

Still remember it vivdily, over 30 years later.
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Old 11-08-2009, 06:45 AM   #58  
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Just remembered another one - I had joined a new gym and they were doing a fitness assessment, including a caliper test for body fat. I don't remember my number, but the guy showed it to me on the chart and it classified me as "plump"(this was maybe 15 years ago, not 50!). I told the guy plump was a word that should be reserved for Thanksgiving turkeys!
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Old 11-08-2009, 07:14 AM   #59  
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In middle school I was the chubby kid with glasses. One time in class this girl wrote me a note that if I wanted to have any friends, I would need to stop wearing my glasses and suck in my stomach all the time. I made it about a day with limited breathing...

Looking back, I wasn't even that fat. Just a little roly-poly. And I thought I was huge! I didn't comprehend that I was bigger than everyone else because I have been the same height since I was 12.
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Old 11-08-2009, 07:21 AM   #60  
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It is so sad what some children get put through at school. I wasn't fat in grade or high school, but I went through that same torture in other ways. It thoroughly destroyed me inside.

I have mixed feelings about the kids who do that. As much I've lost in life due to damage they did, I don't think I'd trade that for instead having to come to grips with being a person who did that to someone else.
I think you're assuming that they will come to grips with what they did. I think most (or all) of them just shrug it off as the type of cruelty "everyone" engages in when they are kids and teenagers. I say this based on FaceBook friend requests from people who tormented me when I was in school and who have been utterly mum on how they treated me. I think anyone who is interested in coming to terms will apologize.

I could literally write a book of stories on the types of cruelty I have suffered, but I'll do a quick rundown here:

• A clique of girls convinced a boy to measure the width of my behind while in junior high school.
• A coworker, thinking I was out of earshot, remarked to my other coworkers that having sex with me must be like being stuck between two sides of meat because my thighs were so big. He pretended he didn't say anything when I confronted him, but I never was friendly to him again and in fact he got fired and I replaced him (I was a temp., he was full-time).
• I split my pants (jeans, too tight, bad choice, but I was tired of wearing middle-aged-lady stretch pants in high school when I was a teenager) in class and one of my many tormentors announced it in Spanish class (in Spanish) as her "practice".
• My father told me that I was "too fat" to wear certain types of clothes.
• My mother held up my (stretched out) underpants when I was in high school to mock my weight in front of one of her friends. She also picked at my weight and said that I'd be popular and boys would want to date me if I lost weight (all the while saying I wasn't allowed to date until 16 and that if I did date at 16, I'd have to be home by 10:00 pm - fortunately for her, she had no worries about my dating).
• Numerous people said I hid my beauty under "all that weight".
• A Japanese person who I was teaching English said that I must eat off of a "huge plate" and kept asking me how much I ate.
• People were always making rude comments on the street and shouting at me when I was growing up - it was so commonplace that it was a blur of torment.
• My sister and I were first on and last off our school bus all our lives and the entire long ride was ****. One kid loved to puff out his cheeks in an imitation of our fat faces as well as make "boom, boom, boom" noises when we walked down the aisle. Kids would scoot over and sit on the edge so we wouldn't sit with them when there were no completely empty seats on the bus. They also played a little game where they'd touch us and say "(my family name's) germs, I quit" and they'd pass the "germs" all around and repeat this throughout the entire bus. One kid also liked to ask if I sleepwalked and raided the refrigerator at night. This torture of this daily routine (that's 1.5 hours of total time 5 days a week - 45 minutes to school and 45 minutes back home) pretty much destroyed me emotionally on a daily basis. At one point when I was 12, I flipped out and started screaming and screaming at the bus driver for not doing something about the abuse that was being heaped on us day-in and day-out. The weird thing was that he acted like he had no idea what I was so upset about.
• When a (Japanese) company president introduced me to the office, he mentioned that I liked watching sumo wrestling and made a joke about how I could be one/looked like a sumo wrestler.
• One of my employers insisted that I sit in a "special" sturdier chair because they were convinced I'd break the regular chairs.
• One of the students sitting around the first school I worked at sat with his buddy and said that he liked my "beautiful face", and his friend said, "she's married, and besides, I like slender girls."
• Gym class was always a nightmare where my lack of ability was chided and I was always picked last. During one class, we were running laps and I was red faced and breathless. I had to stop. When I was mocked and made fun of for this, I just kept running during the next class and almost passed out. The teacher was so frightened of overtaxing me to the point where I'd die that she took me out of all of the classes after that and just had me sit in her office.
• A teacher made every student say their weight out loud and the notion mortified me. I lied and everyone snickered and whispered about me. I still gave a higher number than everyone else, but not the truth.

This is just an a la carte menu of suffering. I'm 45 and when I grew up there was less sensitivity about abusing overweight people and I was the only fat girl in a class of about 80 kids. I don't know if this sort of thing is better for overweight kids nowadays, but I didn't know that anyone would ever love and accept me or that I was not defined 100% by my weight until I met my husband who loves me no matter what. I didn't know such people (people who could see me as an actual human) existed after the way I grew up. I told him many times early on in our marriage that I didn't like to leave the house because I only felt like a person when I was home alone with him and not exposed to the outside world.

Last edited by screamingfatgirl; 11-08-2009 at 07:26 AM.
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