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Is it REALLY the same?

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Old 10-28-2009, 06:44 PM   #1
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I'm at a cross-roads right now. When I decided to lose weight, I had 110 lbs to lose. I have lost 75 of those pounds, leaving me with 35 to go. My rate of weight loss has slowed down alot, and I am constantly monitoring my input and output and so on to keep on losing. I was talking with a friend about this, and she has 10lbs to lose (her personal esthetic, not for medical reasons) and she goes on and ON and ON about how HARD it is for her and 10lbs is GROSS and she has to LOSE IT. And here I am having held 100lbs MORE than that. When I ask her about it, she says that it is just as hard to lose 10 lbs for her as it is to lose 110 lbs for me. I just can't see that at ALL -- 10 lbs to me represents only 2 months of solid effort (I lose slowly) with a balanced diet. 110lbs seems insurmountable -- heck its taken forever for the 75 to come off. Is it the same? Is 10 lbs just as hard as 100 lbs to lose? I just wanna tell her to quit whining about 10 freaking pounds, but I need some advice before I lose it on my friend.
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Old 10-28-2009, 06:49 PM   #2
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No, it is not the same, and it is not nearly as hard to lose 10 "vanity" pounds as it is to face having to lose 100 pounds. Your friend is just bein' a jerk, IMO.

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Old 10-28-2009, 07:05 PM   #3
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No, it's simply not the same. I think it's completely different emotionally to lose 100lbs. Of course I've never been normal weight so I can't say for sure.

Losing 100lbs is a long emotional journey I don't believe losing 10 pounds could ever feel the same.
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Old 10-28-2009, 07:07 PM   #4
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I think that both present unique challenges, and both are hard in their own ways.

So, for example, someone starting at a lower weight typically won't get the big first week "whoosh" of water weight - and when you've been working hard and making changes, seeing little to no change can be so frustrating. Weight loss for someone starting close to goal is much, much slower, and change is harder to come by.

People at lower weights may also experience a lot more interpersonal issues, at least at first (for example, people saying "you don't need to lose weight" or "you'll get too skinny" or being sabateurs in terms of food and exercise..."one piece of pie won't hurt!"), than people who start off heavier, who may get more support from those around them.

Not to mention, those who are severely overweight have an additional motivator - health - that may not apply to 10 vanity pounds. Not to say that there aren't other motivators, but I can easily see how someone with 10 lbs to lose would have a harder time making the commitment weight loss requires, because there's no driving, life-or-death issue behind it.

The difficulties unique to those losing a smaller amount of weight is one of the primary reasons we started the "Featherweights" forum here - so people who were losing smaller numbers of pounds wouldn't feel like they had no right to complain or no right to talk about how hard weight loss was.

This isn't to discount the HARD that is losing 110 lbs, though, which is ALSO hard, absolutely. But losing weight is challenging, no matter how much or how little you're trying to lose. Personally, I don't see much point in debating over which is "more hard" because they ARE different, and have unique challenges, so it isn't exactly an apples-to-apples comparison.
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Old 10-28-2009, 07:10 PM   #5
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I have to agree with Jay...loosing 110lbs takes an entire lifestyle change. It's not just giving up dessert for a few weeks or cutting out a couple of fancy coffee drinks. It takes perseverence, determination, discipline, commitment, planning, and some deep soul searching from time to time. It is very difficult to commit to loosing and keeping off 110lbs for life. The counting calories, the exercise...I don't think one can even begin to compare the two.

I'm not saying that it's a walk in the park to lose 10lbs, but really, I don't know how anyone could say they are the same thing. Unfortunately, unless your friend has to someday lose 110lbs, I don't think you could ever convince her they are different.
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Old 10-28-2009, 07:25 PM   #6
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Being morbidly obese certainly does present lots of unique challenges... the length of the journey, issues you face, the changes in your body as you lose. It certainly isn't the SAME as having to lose 10 pounds.

That being said, keeping off the 10 pounds successfully would also require a lifelong lifestyle change. And I've learned from my years here that many of the "mental issues" really do share a lot of similarities, such as how we feel about ourselves at a weight that makes us uncomfortable. So, I'd hate to dismiss the feelings of someone who "only" has 10 pounds to lose. That person could become someone with 100 to lose!
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Old 10-28-2009, 07:54 PM   #7
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When I can get these last 10 pounds off once and for all I will let you know what I think.

I really don't think there is much to compare. My journey now looks a lot different than it did 70 pounds ago. The experience is simply not one in the same. Both have their own unique challanges and they share some, too.
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Old 10-28-2009, 09:24 PM   #8
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The last 10 pounds are the hardest.
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Old 10-28-2009, 09:30 PM   #9
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No, you can't compare the two.

Yes, losing 100 lbs is harder than losing 10.

But, those last 10 lbs ARE slow coming off, do take a lifestyle change (if you are going to keep them off), and can be a nemesis for many, many people.

I think her comments reflect the fact that weight loss is INDEED a personal journey. Each of us must travel it, but it will be different for each of us.

I'm sure she believes what she said, and in her mind - she really does equate the two.

And - much of weight loss succes begins in the mind.
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Old 10-28-2009, 09:36 PM   #10
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I agree arguing about which is harder isn't the best use of time because it's all relative... to the person (and I'm biased as I know how hard it is to lose 100+ but not the last 10 because I've never been that close!)

But one thing I will point out that lighter folks don't understand is you might lose quicker when your heavier, but it also doesn't show as much which is really JUST as frustrating to deal with. Under 200lbs it seems like every few pounds in noticeable. I think my first 30-40lbs you couldn't tell. At ALL. That's enough to drive anyone up the wall and want to give up.
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Old 10-28-2009, 11:40 PM   #11
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Is it possible that your friend isn't whining, but maybe has a 'problem' with her self esteem? Maybe she feels like since you've been so successful that you inspire her enough for her to be honest with you about how she views herself.

Or maybe she could truly have an eating disorder and has a distorted image of how she looks. Someone close to me also has a very low opinion of his body, and it's really sad to watch him feel so poorly of himself instead of just being happy that he *only* is a few pounds away from what some people would consider their perfect goal weight. Maybe if you talk to her about how you feel, she might explain a little better about where she is coming from.
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Old 10-29-2009, 12:56 AM   #12
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We-ell...the less you weigh, the fewer calories you get. So you need to really be on your game to create a deficit. At 300 calories under per day, it would take almost two weeks per pound, instead of two pounds per week. On the other hand, you have the comfort of already being thin.
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Old 10-29-2009, 12:57 AM   #13
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It's impossible to change places with someone, we only understand our own troubles and can only guess at anyone else's. She is guessing that you have it easier than she does. You are guessing that you have it harder than she does. Who is right?

It's such an apple and orange comparison that we really need to learn not to make those kinds of comparisons, and yet it's human nature to do so.

How many times have we heard someone say (or said something similar ourselves) "You think you've got problems....." In essence it discounts everything the person has said, in essence saying "I don't care about your problems, because mine are much bigger and more important to me - and you should be able to see that."

Your struggles are important to you. Her struggles are important to her. Acknowledging each others difficulties without making a contest of it would allow you to be part of each other's support system. If you can't, it might be best to agree not to discuss weight loss efforts with each other.
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Old 10-29-2009, 01:13 AM   #14
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You asked "Is it Really the Same?" The important thing to me here is that she's your friend. Because of that, I'd just respect her feelings and leave it alone, whether it's the same or not. Just a thought.
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Old 10-29-2009, 01:48 AM   #15
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everyone is different, so it won't be the exact same for everyone. it is harder for some people to lose the last few pounds. As Jillian Michaels says 100lb and 10lb are 2 totally different animals. One is for health, the other is because we want to be a size 6. You have to be very strict and workout harder and constantly change things up to get rid of the last 10 vanity pounds. I know for me getting rid of even the last 20-30lb is hard, whereas when I was over 200 I could slack on my diet sometimes and just walk on the treadmill for a few miles a few times a week and still lose every week.

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