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Why did No one ever tell me?

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Old 10-27-2009, 02:42 AM   #1
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Okay. So I needed some where to rant a bit.

So today. For the first time ever, I took pictures of myself in a swim suit...
Oh yeah. WHY Didn't anyone tell me?

People just say, hey you're pretty. No one says, hey maybe you should workout. When I tell people I'm dieting, they say i don't need it. And right now I'm thinking...SAY WHAT?

Does this tip-toeing bother anyone else?
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Old 10-27-2009, 02:59 AM   #2
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Actually yes...It drives me CRAZY when my SO or friends tell me I look great and cute...and the worst: You're perfect the way you are.

They are just being polite trying to not scar us for life, but still, for once it would be nice if someone was real and honest every once in a while.

So I understand completely!
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Old 10-27-2009, 03:02 AM   #3
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Totally know what you girls are talking about - although Vern, your photo shows you to be very pretty!

My mother in law switched from telling me I needed to watch what I ate, to telling me, three months later, that why would I want to lose weight? Sadly I hadn't lost any in that time....it's not very helpful is it?

Makes you wonder if they really care?
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Old 10-27-2009, 03:04 AM   #4
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Aww, thanks angel! =)
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Old 10-27-2009, 03:12 AM   #5
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yes it drives me crazy. a few weeks ago some family members were like "make sure you dont get too thin!"

well, no one ever said "make sure you dont get too fat!" when I was obese >:X
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Old 10-27-2009, 03:14 AM   #6
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my favorite one is the accessory compliments. my girlfriends will say cute shoes! or cute earrings! i can't wait for the day when i get compliments on how good a dress or a pair of jeans look!! you know what i mean??

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Old 10-27-2009, 05:56 AM   #7
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if people really said that to us most of us would be hurt and offended, I know I would. Unless they had a nice and gentle way to tell me.
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Old 10-27-2009, 06:06 AM   #8
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Maybe they do think you're pretty. Family who love you and good friends, just love you the way you are.

That may sound like a bit of a Pollyanna answer but ...
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Old 10-27-2009, 06:29 AM   #9
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Why did no one ever tell you?

Well first of all we are our own worst critics. People don't look at us and see - fat - ugly - pimply- big nose- frizzy hair. People that know and love us, love us for what we REALLY are - kind, warm, giving, generous, smart, funny, etc...

And then there are just some things that are nobody's dang business. It's no one's place to tell us that we look like this and don't look like that. And we should eat like this and not like that. There are certain things that are off limits, or at least should be - and looks and weight is one of them.

We MUST be responsible for our own weight, our own health, our own well-being. It's our job. No one else's. Thank goodness actually. Too vital to leave it up to anyone else.
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Old 10-27-2009, 07:05 AM   #10
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Oh right. I can just imagine a friend sitting down with me at my highest weight and saying, "Honey, did you know that you are obese?"

No one told you because they care about you and didn't want to hurt your feelings or offend you. And really, I don't think you would have liked it much if they did.

I think the best thing to do about someone else's weight is mostly to stay out of the issue. And I don't discuss my weight loss with anyone except my SO and closest friends. We've all had those unwelcome comments in either direction.

Jay
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Old 10-27-2009, 07:12 AM   #11
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I would be very insulted if my friends (as dear as they are to me) told me I needed to watch my weight. One of my friends commented on what I was ordering (chicken fingers) once and the same friend went "wow you're really digging into that dessert for someone who didn't want it" when my sis and I ordered a slice of cheesecake. I'm still friends with this person but I've made it clear that food- and weight-related comments are off-topic. Even if someone said it as gently as possible, I would think it was none of their business, just like their weight is none of my business.

My family on the other hand is a different issue. My mom is blunt and tells me when I am getting wider. I don't get offended when she does it, maybe irritated but she's also the first one to tell me when she can see a difference/loss. I'm weird, I can take it from my mom but nobody else...
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Old 10-27-2009, 07:38 AM   #12
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Girls that tell me I don't need to lose weight drive me up the wall. I was morbidly obese, I'm still at the high end of the obese range. You're not fooling anyone or doing me a favor by saying I don't need to lose weight. Really, at this point, it's just blatant lying. Luckily most people I know can talk to me seriously and honestly about my weight without being mean. But there will always be those girls who think that it's too mean to even acknowledge that you are overweight.
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Old 10-27-2009, 08:12 AM   #13
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If they would have told you would you have been willing to lose the weight if they would have brought it up then? Chances are you wouldn't have.

I know I would have been hurt and either cried or punched them in the face if anyone would have come up and told me "Tanee, you are fat and need to lose weight." I already knew & it wouldn't have spurred me into losing weight I probably would have gotten more depressed and eaten more.
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Old 10-27-2009, 08:29 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JayEll View Post
Oh right. I can just imagine a friend sitting down with me at my highest weight and saying, "Honey, did you know that you are obese?"

No one told you because they care about you and didn't want to hurt your feelings or offend you. And really, I don't think you would have liked it much if they did.

I think the best thing to do about someone else's weight is mostly to stay out of the issue. And I don't discuss my weight loss with anyone except my SO and closest friends. We've all had those unwelcome comments in either direction.

Jay

That was my thought, as well. If someone had sat me down and said, "Dear, you're FAT!" I might've hit them. Or at least given them the finger and not spoken to them again.

In order for weight loss to have any chance of working, it's a conclusion we have to come to ourselves. Seems like you've done that....good start!
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Old 10-27-2009, 08:54 AM   #15
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I have a hard time imagining that you would feel grateful if someone said to you "maybe you shouldn't wear that bathing suit." What do you expect people to tell you exactly? That you're fat and you need to lose weight?

I've always hated statements that allude to being overweight... "Are you SURE you want french fries?" or "maybe we shouldn't have dessert." My Mother always tried to say something about it but she would get this pitiful sad look on her face and whisper "please, please don't gain anymore weight" as if I was a heroin addict shooting up in front of her and breaking her heart.

What's important is that you're telling yourself now! It takes a long time to climb out from the depths of denial - ahhh blissful denial... the denial that allows us to eat and eat and eat without a single calorie passing through our minds The only person that can snap you out of that is yourself. Any comments from anyone else will only make you feel awful but it won't do much to help you get out of denial.
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