Good lord I hope you get this sorted out for yourself soon, because the longer you let your husband control all the finances the harder it will be to change it later. I've been married for 2.5 years and I know how difficult it is for newlyweds to set the rules of their game.
Number one, you should be equal partners, the way you describe his attitude is that of a parent scolding a child who didn't get a good grade in school. You're not being graded or tested for housecleaning duties. Sure, you could stand to do a little better as you say but what does one have to do with the other? Witholding money is just as bad as witholding sex - what's the point if not for a sense of control.
My husband is frugal as well and every little purchase I made was hard for him to understand "But don't you already have a lipstick???" The truth is that men are idiots. So I followed my Mother's advice and got my own account. I buy things but I never tell him about it, like shoes, clothes, dumbells, etc. He never notices them and there's nothing to fight about.... no I'm not being deceptive - I am an equal participant in our household expenses and savings. Men don't need to know everything that goes into being a woman.
Don't be afraid to start an argument - this is worth fighting for
