I appreciate all the varying viewpoints very much! I work from home and I don't have coworkers to bounce things off of so sometimes it is hard to know what is just my personal reaction and what would be the common reaction. You know, second guessing myself.
PSP Orange - I have seen some of your other posts - you are very inspirational and have a great way with words! You could probably write a very motivational book if you had a mind to Thank you for your thoughtful words!
So many nice people on this thread - thank you all so much! I think the truth in what my friend did lies somewhere in the mix of all the replies... part of her probably was trying to be caring, part was a little jealous, part is just having different values. When I met her, about 5 years ago, we walked 4 miles every day together for about a year. That all changed when I changed jobs and I have never gotten into a good routine since. But I do still do things with her, and that did not change when I met my "man" lol.
It made for a rough birthday. But the bottom line is that I know I need to lose weight. I know I need to get healthier. My very sedentary job at home contributes greatly to my weight problem and I have to find a way to get more exercise into my days. But I vow right now that even if I get into the best shape of my life, I am not going to be judgemental of others no matter what, and I will always try to be careful not to be hurtful in what I say or do.
I can TOTALLY relate to this. For years and years my best friend and I (tall, slim, attractive young women) talked about being each other's matron of honour. Eventually she finally got with the guy she'd hankered after for years, the one I'd listened to her mooch over, the one I'd wiped up the tears over. They came to visit in Canada and we bent over backwards to help while he set up a surprise proposal for her.
When she returned to the UK - after thanking me so much for all the things I'd done to help her get to this point and being there while she pined for this man....she called to say that she just felt that since I'd got fat, I wouldn't look right in the wedding pictures. So she was going with her sister (who is universally known as the biggest b***h on earth) and she hoped that I'd understand that this was her wedding and she wanted to remember it perfectly. She finished with, "I mean, you're still in the wedding because (my four year old son) is our ring bearer"....like that would make it all ok.
Being an idiot (and at home in the UK at uni) for the couple of months prior to the wedding, I listened to her talk non-stop and went with her for dress fittings, told off and fired the original dress maker because she hated the dress and couldn't say so, worked out catering plans....and listened to her b***h about how insensitive her bridesmaids were.
Shortly after this, an old friend called to get together for a drink. I said that I felt it only fair to let her know that I'd put on a lot of weight since school. After her puzzled 'And?' I said that I didn't want her to be uncomfortable going out with me. Her immediate response was "Did you grow another head? Then why the **** would it matter one little bit that you've put on weight - you're my friend and I love you no matter what size you are". She was genuinely perplexed - until I told her about the other 'friend'. Then she said, 'oh, god, she was always a b***h, ignore her'.
I'm sorry - there may be people out there who think she was being 'cruel to be kind', or that she had her heart in the right place. As far as I'm concerned, like my other friend, a friend loves you no matter what size you are, who you go out with, what choices you make in your personal life. I kicked my friend to the curb, and didn't look back.
Thanks, Julie - yeah, I was less than impressed. It turned out that she was lacking in the 'good friend' department in a lot of ways. I try to not be angry about it anymore - I don't always succeed, but it's a work in progress.
Thanks for sharing that and for caring how I feel! I am so sorry that you can relate...so sorry your friend treated you like that, but so glad you learned she wasn't a true friend and curbed her! Pondering if I should do the same!
Thanks for sharing that and for caring how I feel! I am so sorry that you can relate...so sorry your friend treated you like that, but so glad you learned she wasn't a true friend and curbed her! Pondering if I should do the same!
It's sad to realise that not everyone is nice. I'm always disappointed by the human nature, as I'm an eternal optimist.
I think the key is, do you think you could forgive and forget? For me (and I'm a typical Scorpio) that's not possible - I'll always bear a grudge, so I figured why keep putting myself through that anger and resentment, just let it go.
I had this total psycho friend one time who felt that all relationships should be viewed on a cost/benefit ratio, and that if it cost you more to remain in the friendship than you got for it, you should get rid of the dead wood. At the time, I thought, wow, that's a cold way of looking at life. But as I've gotten older, I can see that in some cases it's true. If something is really costing you (in lots of ways) then it's best to walk away.
If, however, you think you can forget it and move on, then hopefully she'll turn out to be better down the road.
Either way - be strong....if you choose to curb her, then it's her loss!
Thank you all - you are so kind!
Thank you for your thoughtful words!
