Oh, Sara...now you listen to me, dear....first of all, I KNOW you are a wonderful person because you come from The Rock.
As a native Cape Bretoner I know that Canadian east coast inhabitants are the BEST people roaming this earth. I'd bet you a dollar you'd do just anything for anyone who needed it, such is the heart of an Islander. And you wouldn't stand to hear a friend talk about herself the way you have about yourself, right? You are NOT grotesque. You are beautiful, inside AND out. So you just stop that.
Okay, school is overwhelming you. You need to decide if you want the degree you've worked towards so far, or do you want to be stuck paying off a loan (for about the next 10 years!) and not have anything to show for it. I know you want to succeed, so you need to meet with your professors and find out what you have to do to make that happen. Talk to a counsellor at school and tell them you need their assistance in making this happen. Do it tomorrow. Pick up the phone and call for an appointment.
As hard as it might be, you have let go of the negativity surrounding your step-mother/mother/brother. You can't make them change. You can tell them how you feel about your relationships, and let them decide if they are willing to make a change to mend things with you, but if they don't you have to accept it and move on. I know it isn't as easy as it sounds, believe me. But you have to ask yourself, "Can I make them change?" No, you can't. "Can I say my peace and get it all out there and let them deal with it while I go about getting on with my life?" Absolutely. You have to look out for Number One for a change. Life is just too short to wait for others to do the right thing.
You know, I've always been one to think that people look at me and don't see me, or that I might look nice that day, or that I have pretty eyes, or whatever....I assume they look at me and think "she needs to lose 30lbs". If a guy stared in my direction, I assumed he was looking at someone behind me because he certainly wouldn't be interested in me. You know what? I was wrong. We are much more critical of ourselves than other people are. It might surprise you, but most people see us and accept us as we are, even if we don't ourselves.
You need to focus on you, on catching up in school, attending class, then getting that job you've worked for, and the rest of the world be damned! The only person who can do this for you is you. Make a list of things you need to do and tackle it one at a time so it isn't so overwhelming.
If you feel that your weight is a major obstacle in your life, just paying attention to what you're eating, keeping a food journal, and getting out for a quick walk will do wonders for your attitude! Pretty soon you'll start thinking, "So I'm not at the weight I want to be, but I'm working on it, getting healthy in the process, and someday I'll get there."
You can do this. You're worth it. I have faith in you.
I hope you're feeling better today. If you'd like to e-mail me, feel free. Hang in there, luv.
I'm Having A Nervous Breakdown.
Agree with MistyMichele ...
