I had no intention of commenting on her weight gain. But I was taken aback since she's always had a bit of a weight problem but worked really hard to lose weight. She had kept weight off for years before this, meticulously going to the gym etc so I was surprised. I wouldn't dare mention weight gain to anyone (well that's not true, I would mention it to a man).
I think I did the right thing too although I did comment on her lovely tan and steered the conversation towards our mutual vacations.
Yeah I understand that shock. I knew a girl freshman year of Uni who had lost 80 lbs. When I saw her before pictures, omg she looked like she could be my twin! So it gave me great hope that she had lost so much and was maintaining. A couple years later I saw her and she had gained it all back. I was shocked, but also felt for her because I had lost 40 lbs freshman year and gained it back by that point as well.
And as far as mentioning a weight gain to a man, you might want to watch that too. Two of my friends who are dating recently got in a fight because they had both made comments to each other about their weight. She had called him fat and he pointed out that she gained weight. She was pissed because she really had gained weight, and he was pissed because he'd worked so hard to lose weight. Come to think of it, my cousin and her husband also recently fought over both of them making comments about each others' weight gain. Point being, guys don't like hearing it anymore than we do. Although some of them play it off like the don't care.
Yeah, I'm baffled as to why it would be okay to say it to a man but not to a woman. Men are robots who wouldn't be upset upon seeing someone and hearing "WOW, YOU'RE FAT!"?
Juliastl27 - what a RUDE thing for your mother to say
Just reminds me of a friend I ran into after I gained the weight who later told my (now) ex: "WOW, Aidyn BLEW UP! What happened??[/QUOTE]
yes, my mom is usually more tactful, she REALLY upset me. ugh, im sorry your friend said that about you, what a horrible thing to say. people dont understand that women in america have ENOUGH pressure to be thin. we dont need your 2 cents as well!!
About saying it to a man. PEople would tell my husband all the time that he really needs to lose weight, that' it's "not healthy". And I would be standing right next to him. Now mind you, I was waaay heavier then he ever was and no one ever said a word to me. But boy did it make me squirm when they said it to him.
I too would never say it to a man. But apparently others would (& do).
Yeah, I wouldn't say it to a man. We only have a few men here, but I have learned that they can be as sensitive to weight issues as many of us women are. My 23 year old son has put on a few pounds this past year and he mentions it self-consciously every time I see him. So I know it bothers men, too.
I have little sympathy for men who gain weight. Truly, they lose so quickly and often without intention that I cannot possibly waste a tear on their dilemma. Maybe this is because I've always been surrounded by men who eat with wild abandon and never gain an ounce, and also because when I started losing weight (slowly and painfully as most of us here) my husband dropped 12lbs just by breathing the same air as me... all without exercise and dieting. I may be a little bitter.
Wannabeskinny... reminds me of those SlimQuick commercials!
To be fair, while men DO have it off easier in the weight department (taller, more muscle mass, heavier bones, testosterone, weigh more, etc), some still legitimately struggle with weight... just like some women are naturally thin even when they eat a lot
And when men get older, their metabolisms slow down, too, PLUS they get more prone to central obesity. We tend to gain all over (our bodies may favor one spot, but we ARE more proportioned), whereas they tend to just gain in the gut.
Now, what bugs me about men getting to eat so much (and DRINK so much, too, 20somethings anyway) is the fact that they think all you have to do to lose weight is be JUST A LITTLE active. Guys I know think my lifestyle is crazy and say, "You could probably drink EIGHT six packs because you're so active! Why are you so anal?" Then, they make fun of "fat chicks" without fail because they think in order to be a "fat chick" you must really never be able to stop eating AND you must truly be the laziest thing on earth.
Sometimes, I wish they would understand, but the world is not fair.
"has anyone mentioned how much weight youre gaining?"
everyone knows when theyre gaining and theyre already self conscious. best to stick with that old rule.. if you dont have something nice to say, dont say anything.
while i agree it may be in poor taste to mention your friend's weight gain to her while just happening to run into her....i feel slightly different than everyone here. i had been 265 at my highest weight around 18yrs old (not fun) a few years later after a then bf asked me why i wasn't thinner and wearing trashy clothes like other girls, i lost 110lbs and before i turned 21 i was 155 and a gorgeous size 8. well i kept it off for 3 years then slowly but surely started putting it back on and then some to my highest of 323.
i have to say i did not notice it at first. as when i gain weight i tend to be able to stay in a size for a lil while b4 i have to go up. and it was one of those things where even at 200lbs again i still looked great so i vowed i would just stay around that. well 225 crept up and i knew i was still in the same size believe it or not...so i thought i was fine... didnt like the number but "that's just a number right??" all of a sudden i started jumpin sizes and getting heavier. i don't think i took it as seriously as i should have.
I hold a lil resentment for my sisters who are thin and always have been that they didn't just sit me down and remind me of how unhappy i was at 265 and how incredibly hard i had to work to get the weight off the first time. my mom didnt even say anything and she is very opinionated. I would have much rather had that sincere family talk at that time instead of at 323 lbs when my mom told me she was concerned for my health.
so the point of my story is that i dont agree when you say it is rude for your mom to have pointed it out... maybe it was rude in the manner she had pointed it out, but i do strongly believe that had my sisters sincerely come to me and reminded me of my unhappy past, i would have appreciated it and would have had a smaller journey to my goal.
i feel like mirrors dont show us how we are seen by others, only how we like to see ourselves. i noticed that i never look as heavy as i really am, but take a picture of me and it's unmistaken. So we tend to see ourselves through "denial glasses" but our loved ones see us as we truly are. i know we are all responsible for our own weight and lifestyle, however not everyone is FULLY aware when things have spiraled out of control and do need the gentle nudge from our loved ones.
Wannabeskinny... reminds me of those SlimQuick commercials!
To be fair, while men DO have it off easier in the weight department (taller, more muscle mass, heavier bones, testosterone, weigh more, etc), some still legitimately struggle with weight... just like some women are naturally thin even when they eat a lot
And when men get older, their metabolisms slow down, too, PLUS they get more prone to central obesity. We tend to gain all over (our bodies may favor one spot, but we ARE more proportioned), whereas they tend to just gain in the gut.
Now, what bugs me about men getting to eat so much (and DRINK so much, too, 20somethings anyway) is the fact that they think all you have to do to lose weight is be JUST A LITTLE active. Guys I know think my lifestyle is crazy and say, "You could probably drink EIGHT six packs because you're so active! Why are you so anal?" Then, they make fun of "fat chicks" without fail because they think in order to be a "fat chick" you must really never be able to stop eating AND you must truly be the laziest thing on earth.
Sometimes, I wish they would understand, but the world is not fair.
Ha. Yeah one of my guy friends (formerly mentioned as the one fighting about weight with his gf) has been very supportive of my weight loss but he doesn't seem to understand why I have to work so hard. He told me I needed to lose the weight the same way he did. I asked him how was that? "I lost 60 pounds by being broke!"... great, I AM broke. But I don't see 60 lbs dropping off due just to that fact!
while i agree it may be in poor taste to mention your friend's weight gain to her while just happening to run into her....i feel slightly different than everyone here. i had been 265 at my highest weight around 18yrs old (not fun) a few years later after a then bf asked me why i wasn't thinner and wearing trashy clothes like other girls, i lost 110lbs and before i turned 21 i was 155 and a gorgeous size 8. well i kept it off for 3 years then slowly but surely started putting it back on and then some to my highest of 323.
i have to say i did not notice it at first. as when i gain weight i tend to be able to stay in a size for a lil while b4 i have to go up. and it was one of those things where even at 200lbs again i still looked great so i vowed i would just stay around that. well 225 crept up and i knew i was still in the same size believe it or not...so i thought i was fine... didnt like the number but "that's just a number right??" all of a sudden i started jumpin sizes and getting heavier. i don't think i took it as seriously as i should have.
I hold a lil resentment for my sisters who are thin and always have been that they didn't just sit me down and remind me of how unhappy i was at 265 and how incredibly hard i had to work to get the weight off the first time. my mom didnt even say anything and she is very opinionated. I would have much rather had that sincere family talk at that time instead of at 323 lbs when my mom told me she was concerned for my health.
so the point of my story is that i dont agree when you say it is rude for your mom to have pointed it out... maybe it was rude in the manner she had pointed it out, but i do strongly believe that had my sisters sincerely come to me and reminded me of my unhappy past, i would have appreciated it and would have had a smaller journey to my goal.
i feel like mirrors dont show us how we are seen by others, only how we like to see ourselves. i noticed that i never look as heavy as i really am, but take a picture of me and it's unmistaken. So we tend to see ourselves through "denial glasses" but our loved ones see us as we truly are. i know we are all responsible for our own weight and lifestyle, however not everyone is FULLY aware when things have spiraled out of control and do need the gentle nudge from our loved ones.
I discussed my weight gain with my mom and my sister. Neither brought it up in a mean or critical way, but I was reaching the point of morbid obesity and they were concerned. But I already knew I was gaining weight. I felt like, sh*t, I looked like sh*t. I hated it and wanted to lose weight. But I was depressed and binge eating and just couldn't bring myself to change. I think that's why many here are against saying anything. Because even with good intentions, it's usually not enough to make the decision for you. You have to be ready and come to it on your own.
I have to say that I agree with most of what has been said. We are our own worst enemy and critise ourselves enough for everybody so we don't need or want to hear it from others. Instead when I see a friend after a long time I just let them know how happy I am to see them again.
I have to say that I agree with most of what has been said. We are our own worst enemy and critise ourselves enough for everybody so we don't need or want to hear it from others. Instead when I see a friend after a long time I just let them know how happy I am to see them again.
Yep, I agree. I have a close friend who is struggling with her weight right now. Yes, she's looking pretty curvy right now but she feels terrible about it; she mentions it every time we're together. She hasn't mentioned my 42 pound loss; I'm not sure why but she hasn't so I haven't either. But I do know that me saying something to her about her gain would devastate her; she already knows and is feeling bad about it.
As far as the men; some lose easily as described but my youngest son has struggled with his weight for most of his life. He's not obese, but he has always struggled with some extra pounds around his waist and believe me, men who struggle with their weight do feel bad when people say things to them about it. At least my son does.
I discussed my weight gain with my mom and my sister. Neither brought it up in a mean or critical way, but I was reaching the point of morbid obesity and they were concerned. But I already knew I was gaining weight. I felt like, sh*t, I looked like sh*t. I hated it and wanted to lose weight. But I was depressed and binge eating and just couldn't bring myself to change. I think that's why many here are against saying anything. Because even with good intentions, it's usually not enough to make the decision for you. You have to be ready and come to it on your own.
i agree however i suppose it just depends on where the individual is. like i said i was in a place where i wasn't seeing myself in a true light and was in denial and that would have helped. i also believe that it depends on who it's coming from, certainly not from an old high school friend at a high school reunion! and even from a mom if you don't have that type of closeness. we are all unique and each of us have our own "moment of clarity" when we say enough is enough.
Maybe instead of mentioning it to your friend you could suggest your next outing you try canoeing or go hiking or something like that. That way you both could get some exercise and maybe it'll get her back into the groove of working out.
Plus I have found that talking about my own weight and my problems with it has, made some of my friends comfortable enough to share their own struggles with their weight. It's really nice to have friends who you can share your troubles with, share advice, and most importantly share support.
Wannabeskinny... reminds me of those SlimQuick commercials!
