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Old 08-11-2009, 09:36 AM   #1
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Hi everyone -

I am just getting started (again) on my weight loss journey - I will be turning 40 in February and I am determined to be fit and healthy when I do. My goal weight is 130 lbs, which is a 40 lb weight loss. Not an easy task but I think doable. Since I think structure will work best for me (at least at first), my plan is to follow the South Beach Diet and use The 30 Day Shred to kick start my exercise program.

My big question or problem is, what do you all do when you don't have the support of family/friends? I have been trying to get serious about diet and exercise for a while but it seems I'm always being persuaded to go out for dinner, drinks, dessert "just for today" and then I am derailed completely. Any suggestions on how I convince the people around me to be supporters instead of detractors???

Thanks!
Andrea
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Old 08-11-2009, 09:45 AM   #2
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Andrea-

your goals and situation seems very much like mine! It is is difficult and I find that those that love us don't really understand the struggle. My husband, for example, is an athlete and has ALWAYS been in amazing shape. He thinks he is being kind when he brings me a drink or an ice cream...I finally decided that I am doing this FOR ME and only FOR ME and changing that mindset has been the greatest motivation to stay away from the distractors. In the past, I think I told myself it was for me but in reality it was for the people looking at me-does that make sense?

I did have to have a very frank conversation with those around me. I told them that I appreciated all of their kindness and their wanting me to be involved but that what I really needed was for them to ask me if I wanted something and if I said no to please respect that and support that. For the most part, that conversation was the difference-I guess they never really took my goals seriously but since speaking up and staying strong, little by little they are coming around.

I wish you the best of luck and please know that we are all here to support you!!

Cheers-
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Old 08-11-2009, 09:49 AM   #3
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I can not say I am in your situation but if I were, I would have to gently(or not) remind them that I am changing my eating habits. If you go out to eat, either eat before you go so you are not so hungry or choose something "light". You don't have to stop socializing and living when you are losing weight so just have a talk with em and make the best choices for YOU.

Good luck.

Hugs
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Old 08-11-2009, 11:00 AM   #4
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For me, I decided to not rely on support of family and friends, only myself. It's a nice bonus if those around you understand what you're doing and do what they can to help. If you are concerned about it, just open up to them and tell them what you're doing, and help them understand it's important to you to stay OP. Other than that, it really comes down to you and your choices.

My hubby eats cookies and junk in front of me, as do other family members. We go out for lunch sometimes, dinner other times, and have little events, etc. where food is involved. I just do what I need to do, and not worry what they are doing. I'm more determined than ever this time to reach my goals, and I know what I need to do to accomplish that. I refuse to let someone else push me into sabotaging what I'm doing.

You don't have to become a hermit while you're on your program, but you do have options when you're out for smarter choices, and you have the option of simply saying no. It's not always going to be easy, but just focus on your goals and how important it is for you, and you can do it

Good luck !
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Old 08-11-2009, 11:13 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Soflachick View Post
My big question or problem is, what do you all do when you don't have the support of family/friends? I have been trying to get serious about diet and exercise for a while but it seems I'm always being persuaded to go out for dinner, drinks, dessert "just for today" and then I am derailed completely. Any suggestions on how I convince the people around me to be supporters instead of detractors???
1. You do it for yourself, and rely on your commitment to get healthy to pull yourself through.
2. Just say NO. It really is easy after you get the hang of it. I seriously doubt that a single person has ever tied you down and force fed you...
3. Actions speak louder than words. If you do it, and commit to it, people will finally get the drift and back off. It is FUN being in control. Seriously there is an awesome feeling of power when one masters negative peer pressure.

Good luck. Keep on posting...we will support you when you think no one else will.

Last edited by Lori Bell : 08-11-2009 at 11:17 AM.
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Old 08-11-2009, 11:34 AM   #6
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Quote:
Any suggestions on how I convince the people around me to be supporters instead of detractors???
You can't convince people of anything. The only one you CAN convince and have control over - is you. No one can persuade you to do anything that you don't want to. Not to go some place and then when you get there what to eat - or not eat. That's up to you.

Support is a wonderful thing. But it is not necessary in order to lose weight. I've found losing weight to be the most solo act in the world. I'm the one planning, shopping, chopping, dicing, cooking, cleaning it up. I'm the one making the right choices.. I'm the one avoiding temptation. I'm the one exercising (all by my lonesome) and keeping active. It's all me, me and ME. No one else required. I'm a responsible adult and I need to make responsible decisions regardless of what others around me are doing.

Once you make a commitment to good health, there should be nothing left to stand in your way. Don't let your good intentions, your beliefs, your hopes and dreams fly out the window because of others.

And going out and having a good time is NOT dependent upon food. In fact, now that I am slim and wearing fabulous clothes and have bundles of energy and self-confidence - well now I REALLY have a good time when I go out.

You absolutely CAN do this. Without a doubt. Make a commitment to "do it", no matter what, NO EXCUSES. Always, always, always keep in mind what it is you want the MOST - the few moments of pleasure that food brings? - or the long lasting pleasure of being that fit, slim person that you've always longed to be? DECIDE what it is you want the most - and vow to do what it takes to get it.
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Old 08-11-2009, 11:46 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by rockinrobin View Post
Support is a wonderful thing. But it is not necessary in order to lose weight. I've found losing weight to be the most solo act in the world. I'm the one planning, shopping, chopping, dicing, cooking, cleaning it up. I'm the one making the right choices.. I'm the one avoiding temptation. I'm the one exercising (all by my lonesome) and keeping active. It's all me, me and ME. No one else required. I'm a responsible adult and I need to make responsible decisions regardless of what others around me are doing.
Oh my gosh, this is the most truest thing I have read in a LONG time.

(PS: Spell check says truest is really a word...LOL)
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Old 08-11-2009, 11:47 AM   #8
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If you do go out you can always make sure they pick places with healthy options and STICK to those healthy options.

I eat out once a week with my work buddies. If they choose a place that is unhealthy I make my excuses to not go like "oh I have some errands to run today." If they choose something healthy I go. Last time they went to a sandwhich shop I got a large chef salad with no bacon and dressing on the side. I'd dip my fork into the dressing so I'd get just a taste of it- and usually I end up using only about half the dressing for a HUGE salad.

You have to be strong- other people around you will always be temptation- most of the world's cultures revolve around food, so you have to learn to enjoy people's company without hurting your waistline! It's hard but you can do it! Good luck
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Old 08-11-2009, 12:02 PM   #9
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One of the biggest realizations for me was realizing that just because something was THERE, didn't mean that I HAD to have it. Nothing awful would happen to me if I turned it down. Just the opposite in fact. There's nothing wrong about telling yourself NO.

We go out with friends a lot in the summer. It's always been a rough-er time for me. Not anymore. I always suggest a diner. This way everyone can get what they want. I usually get an egg white omlete with some veggies in it. No bread, no fries. I actually asked if I can get it with a sweet potato and every single place has said yes. Other times I get my omlette with lettuce, tomatoes and cucumbers. I get a great meal, stay perfectly on plan. And have a great time being with my friends. That time is even greater as I know I've stayed on plan. And THAT is a great feeling.

Oh and other times, when I've already eaten my dinner and they'll want to go out for a quick late night bite - I order tea. Sometimes that cup of tea turns into 3 cups of tea. Sometimes I'll get a little fruit cup with it. But again, I'm there with my friends, laughing and enjoying myself, all while staying on plan.
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Old 08-11-2009, 01:12 PM   #10
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Wow, thank you all for the quick responses and encouragement. I think I just needed a really stern lecture

You are all sooooo right - it's all in my control.
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Old 08-11-2009, 01:38 PM   #11
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You've gotten a lot of great advice so far. I started my weight loss journey without the support of my husband -- he was also very overweight and threatened by what I was doing. I really did have to learn that it was all on ME. Nowadays he is supportive and we work together. It was harder at first, but I had to do it without his help.


One more thing... I just wanted to say that you might NOT lose 40 pounds by February, but want to encourage you not to think of that as failure!! For many, weight loss slows as they reach goal. It's frustrating. But normal. However, many people get frustrated if they don't lose a certain number of pounds by a certain date! What a shame!!

Maybe by February you'll have "only" lost 30 pounds and well on your way to your goal. If so, I hope you'll be able to see the great success, and keep going. After all, the goal is to lose the weight and KEEP it off! So, taking a little longer to get there isn't a big deal.
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