Well I am back. I slowly began to wonder off my little path 2-2 1/2 months ago. Little tiny things of letting myself slip up, not exercising everyday anymore etc... and the little things began to add up until I had all but stopped even caring again
OMG I lost 20lbs I felt amazing, I looked way better. Even though I am still overweight and still have plenty more to lose. But it just felt like once I reached this point I could "loosen" up which led me to falling apart.
All through June I was like oh well I have done so well and tomorrow I will do better so today I can cheat alittle, it is no biggie. I was going on vacation to visit my family in July and told myself that I would be really good then so right now I can give myself some wiggle room. Swearing that come july I would lose a bunch of weight.
Stayed with my family for all of July and did horrible! I pigged out hardcore. Ate things I hadn't eaten in forever. I walked once!
Now I can pinpoint where it started to go wrong. I was doing so good, lost 20 lbs and got off insulin at the same time. And somehow in my mind it just triggered chaos. I don't really understand how or why. I can see all the little mistakes I made- giving in to little treats, thinking I could handle alittle bit of a good thing but then pigging out on it instead of only having alittle bit. Letting myself slack off and be lazy today, which led to being lazy the next day and the next...
Until I am to a point now where it is like I don't even care anymore. I went shopping and right away went back to my old habits. Pizza, mac & cheese, chicken nuggets, nachos, ice cream. The only thing I am sticking to is diet soda, and that isn't great since before I almost never drank soda but mostly just water.
My sister, SiL and myself all talked right before I left and decided we would do better. We would blog together, keep each other in check and encouraging. My sister is about 80+lbs heavier then me, and she is doing amazing. My SiL is about my same weight though much shorter and she just had a baby 3 months ago.
So I think with their help and encouragement I can do this. I can get back on track. But at the same time I am scared now. Idk if that makes any sense?? but it is like I did so amazing and felt so good- inside and out. and poof it all felt like I dropped it for no real reason. Why did I do that? and will it just happen again?
And working along side other people is scary. They live together all the way down in texas & I am in NY. So we all won't be face to face but talking online & on the phone alot, checking in every week. I can see the positives about it, being supportive of each other. Giving advice. They really want my help and advice since I was doing so good and lost 20 lbs and they kept saying how great I looked but that kindof puts me in a weird place like i have to live up to it and do better then them. and that I also want to inspire them, i am very worried about my sisters health if she doesn't change. and all at the same time i worry that if i do really good and they don't i will rub it in their face and make them feel bad.
It just feels like such a delicate little tightrope to walk between making myself feel good and not making others feel bad..i guess?? i don't know if any of this is coming out right lol
Anyways I just wanted to vent lol. I am ready to push myself and get back into the flow ofthings once again. I can do this!
I am back...
Encourage them and be there for them, but let yourself have that victory when you achieve it.
