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Old 08-07-2009, 08:37 PM   #1
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Tomorrow will mark the 3 year anniversary of my daddy's passing. Days like these are always extremely hard for me emotionally, of course. How do ya'll deal with days like this? I just want to do something that isn't what I usually do - sit around bawling all day . I can't visit his grave because I moved here to NY with my bf and my daddy is buried in TN . I just need some ideas to help me stay on track and off the depression slide.
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Old 08-07-2009, 08:45 PM   #2
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What did he like to do? Did he have a favorite place or a favorite thing to eat?

I like to celebrate people by doing or seeing their favorite things...things that they would be happy and proud of me doing. So, for example, when my aunt and grandfather-in-law both died of cancer within a year, we signed up for Relay for Life, and while there, we split a peanutbutter and chocolate ice cream bar (his favorite flavor...yes, calories were high, but I walked a full marathon in those 24 hours, so I'm OK with it) and listened to music my aunt would enjoy on my headphones while I walked.

Can you go somewhere he liked to go? Can you cook something he liked to eat? Think back on things you did together, things he liked to do, and etc, and come up with a plan that honors those things he liked. And then schedule some time to take care of yourself, too...you know that he would want you to, right?

Lots of for you.
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Old 08-07-2009, 08:45 PM   #3
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so sorry about your loss : ( long walks outside or some time spent with friends usually help me beat the blues. writing about anything that really brings me down is a big help as well!
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Old 08-07-2009, 08:51 PM   #4
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I am so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, I have no good advice to offer since my mom just passed on Easter. So whenever I'm feeling sad, I talk to people that knew her really well like my sisters or my dad (even though they divorced, he's got great stories from her in her hey-day). That seems to make me feel better, when I know someone else knows how I feel.

You know, it's ok to be lump some days. Let yourself be sad, and remember him and cry. Get it out. Give yourself that time to cry. And then get up the next day, and keep doing what you're doing. I'm so sorry that I couldn't help more... xoxo

Edited to add: Maybe you and the bf can plan to go somewhere you haven't ever gone before. A new park or a new restaurant, something that's totally new that will take your mind off of things.
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Old 08-07-2009, 09:18 PM   #5
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Yeah. My father died in 2005. In August. Similar, so I understand. My father was very much a realist and did not want much of a fuss made over him after his death. I think the nicest thing is to try to do something in his name. money's tight, but have you thought of a scholorship in his name, or something similar. How about the yearly feeding of a zoo animal in his name? Often the name of the doner is made public, often with a plaque. it is a good gesture. There is also Kiva which gives out loans to people usually in "third world countries" for businesses. You could give a kiva loan in his name. for example, my dad studied locksmithing, so I might give a $100.00 locksmith loan to a person in the Congo, or India. The person would pay back the money and I could give it out again to some one who wanted to learn locksmithing somewhere else. It would be an on-going use of my father's name to benifit some person who was interested in the same thing he liked.

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Old 08-07-2009, 09:49 PM   #6
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((((Michelle)))) I'm sorry for your loss and for your sad feelings. One of the things that might help is if you sit down and wrote your daddy a letter. So, much has happened to you, and maybe if you write about your boyfriend, the move to NY, your incredible weight-loss journey, and other things going on, you might feel a connection to him that will soothe your sadness. You could save the letter or you could burn it if you like the symbolism of it. The most important thing for anyone who is grieving is that it's OK to feel what you feel. There is no wrong or right. We are here for you.
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Old 08-07-2009, 10:50 PM   #7
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Chic, so sorry for you loss!

No great ideas here, but others have given some excellent suggestions.
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Old 08-07-2009, 11:22 PM   #8
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Thanks so much ya'll for the kind words and ideas
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Old 08-07-2009, 11:44 PM   #9
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Oh, I'm so sorry. You got some really great ideas here. Hang in there, sweetie.
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Old 08-08-2009, 01:35 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mandalinn82 View Post
What did he like to do? Did he have a favorite place or a favorite thing to eat?

I like to celebrate people by doing or seeing their favorite things...things that they would be happy and proud of me doing. So, for example, when my aunt and grandfather-in-law both died of cancer within a year, we signed up for Relay for Life, and while there, we split a peanutbutter and chocolate ice cream bar (his favorite flavor...yes, calories were high, but I walked a full marathon in those 24 hours, so I'm OK with it) and listened to music my aunt would enjoy on my headphones while I walked.

Can you go somewhere he liked to go? Can you cook something he liked to eat? Think back on things you did together, things he liked to do, and etc, and come up with a plan that honors those things he liked. And then schedule some time to take care of yourself, too...you know that he would want you to, right?

Lots of for you.
I second this.. I'm so sorry that you're going through this . Stay strong!
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Old 08-08-2009, 07:38 AM   #11
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I'm sorry, it must be so tough. I dread the day my parents die. I second what Mandalinn said, find some way to honor him.
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Old 08-08-2009, 09:39 AM   #12
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my dad passed 8 years ago, he doesnt have a grave and even if he did i too have moved away from home.its still hard even now but the one thing i do when its that day again is stop and have time out by myself. this year i went for a long walk,took the dog out with me and just had a little cry by myself then got back to it by making sure that i had lots to do...

ask ur boyf to take you out somewhere, cinema( something funny) maybe bowling, something that will require some level of concentration...

its hard chick i can understand x x
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Old 08-08-2009, 09:56 AM   #13
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My friend used to go to the river and throw a flower in to commemorate her dad's passing. Maybe a gesture like that. Or planting a tree for him today (they planted a tree for my mom).

She died in 96, I still feel like she's with me (in spirit). I'm sure your dad is too, and he wouldn't want you to be sad. (and I should add I'm sure he'd be incredibly proud of how you took control of your health.)
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Old 08-08-2009, 09:58 AM   #14
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Onder--this must be difficult for you right now. I can't at all relate, but I dread the day it's time for my parents.

I think that the best way to honor a parent's memory is to live a happy life--that's what they want for us anyway. So do something that makes you happy!
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Old 08-08-2009, 02:19 PM   #15
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I don't have any additional ideas. You have been given some good ideas above but want to give you hugs.
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