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I apologize in advance for being a Negative Nancy.

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Old 08-05-2009, 06:36 PM   #1
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Default I apologize in advance for being a Negative Nancy.

I talked about this on my blog, but I guess I really just need some uplifting words. I'm still so early in my weight loss that it's scary for me to be thinking this way already. But, like all the other times I've tried losing weight, I'm struggling with food.

The first week was so easy. But since I weighed and found out I'd lost weight, I've been paranoid about gaining it back or about not losing at all. I constantly feel like I'm eating too much or too little. I want to get on the scale everyday (luckily I don't own one - I weight at my moms), but seeing my weight fluctuate would do me no good.

I guess I just thought that since the first week went so wonderfully, the whole weight loss journey would. I know there will be rough patches, I'm just scared. I constantly thinking about losing weight. C o n s t a n t l y . I really, really, really want to be happy with the way I look. I know I'll get there eventually, but I'm bummed that I'll still be the fat girl until then.

Thanks for listening.

xo - BB
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Last edited by kuhrisuh : 08-05-2009 at 06:41 PM.
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Old 08-05-2009, 06:43 PM   #2
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The beginning isn't always the easiest part, but I think sometimes we expect it to be. I had a really rough start this time around. You just have to get in your grove, and get adjusted. You can push through this part and it will start coming a little more naturally with time!
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Old 08-05-2009, 06:46 PM   #3
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Hugs BB. I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. I think that at first, it really is very all consuming. That does get better over time.

What if you changed what you were thinking about? Instead of the weight number, what if you focused on veggie servings, exercise minutes, etc. Healthy behaviors that you want to continue for the rest of your life. Those are worth thinking about a lot and they will be the path to getting things looking the way you want AND allow you to maintain it.

Also, I don't know what you are using for a plan but if you are worrying about eating too much/too little, maybe you've got a little too much flexibility built in. You are only in week 2 so you do have to spend some time tweaking but not every day. Pick what you are going to try and do for a week and just stick to it. This kind of permanent weight loss doesn't happen or not happen based on what you do on day 11. It's what you do over a long period of time.

HTH! hang in there. This is worth doing, I promise!

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Old 08-05-2009, 06:46 PM   #4
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I completely understand. At first I was definitely feeling exactly like you are...I may have lost 9 lbs, but I'm still the fat girl right now, and that was bothering me..

Until I stopped thinking of myself as the fat girl.

I guess the way I see it, it wasn't our size that defined us as fat girls, it was the way we were treating ourselves. I may still be in a size 22 womens jeans, but I'm trying not to think of myself AS fat anymore. I have fat, but I am not the fat girl anymore.

Looking at it like that has helped...and then looking around online mentally shopping for all the clothes I'm gonna buy when I'm 160 lbs definitely helps too. Just think of all the cute clothes! All the things you'll be able to do again!

You and I are the same heights and ages, and have very close goals...and we're about at the same weight right now. If you need anymore "uplifting words" feel free to pm me, and also if you maybe want someone to hold you accountable for your diet and your exercise and even just someone to take this journey with, I'd be glad to be that person!

You can do this!
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Old 08-05-2009, 06:56 PM   #5
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You're not the fat girl, hon! You're the SHRINKING girl! Way different. And if you keep going, you'll keep shrinking!

We all have good weeks. We all have bad weeks. We all have weeks where we feel on top of the world, and then weeks where we feel like like we're on the bottom of the heap. That's normal. But a commitment to staying on your plan, in my experience, leads to more of those "top of the world" weeks. So stick with it and keep going, and you'll be feeling better soon!
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Old 08-05-2009, 07:00 PM   #6
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I can understand where you are coming from but you can do this! We are all here for you, to cheer you on, to support you. Congrats on your success so far and don't ever give up on you
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Old 08-05-2009, 07:06 PM   #7
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I can relate to that too much/too little feeling.

I'm just going to suggest this, having no idea of what type of eating plan you may have, but it's given me peace of mind when I've felt unsure. I have a calorie level that I follow, and I go to fitday and log in all my foods for the day. That way, I know I'm hitting a certain level, and what I'm eating fits into what I want to do. It's also a good way for me to see if I've covering my nutrition bases.

I don't have a huge variety of meals that I eat, and fitday is a way for me to double check that each menu plan works out ok. After a while, I don't always need to log in all the foods, because I've had that daily menu before and know it works.

yep, it can be a process that takes patience! I have a bad case of I want it now!
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good luck!
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Old 08-05-2009, 07:15 PM   #8
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A bad day here and there is normal, and commitment will get you through temporary funks, if you make sure that you're not choosing to feel bad when you don't have to. I think we're taught to see dieting weight loss as inherently horrible, a necessary evil that we have to endure for a greater good. That can be a pretty heavy burden, and one difficult to lay down easily. But seeing weight loss and the pusuit of health as monotonous drudgery and likewise the opposite view of expecting it to be easy and thrilling every moment, are both mind games that can get in the way of acheivement.

There are so many mind games we play with ourselves regarding weight loss, and I think sometimes it's just because we don't know any other way. We've internalized messages and ideas that we don't always even know where we learned them or even that we did. There are so many myths and traditions regarding weight loss, most of the false, misleading, or ineffective (which probably accounts for some of the reason that weight loss statistics are so depressing).

I think sometimes reinventing weight loss and even reinventing ourselves is part of the success process - "unlearning" all the crap we have absorbed just from exposure to how "dieting" and weight loss "is done."

For me, weighing daily keeps me on track, but for it to work I had to decide that the number doesn't mean anything in itself. If I let the number "mean" that I was failing or tell me whether I was "good" or not, it would drive me insane and off my food plan.

I'm not saying that weighing daily is right for you, just using an example of how I had to ignore "common wisdom" on weighing daily because it works for me.

You need to discover what you want and need out of weight loss, and MAKE it that. Change your world, or your world view (or a bit of both) to fit what you need and want out of it.

For me, what I needed:

To feel fabulous about myself regardless of the scale (this wasn't as hard as I expected, but it did entail a lot of talking to myself for quite a while).

To have a life, and not put anything on hold that didn't need to wait (horseback riding is out, if only for the poor horse, but swimming and bicycling I can do, so I do).

To have interesting and good tasting, "no suffering" food. Lower carb eating suppresses my hunger, so I use that as a tool. I had to make shopping and eating fun, or I would have given up.

To make much of the boring stuff into games (I have the attention span of a gnat). A sticker chart for pounds lost, minutes of exercise, and minutes working on my novel (not weight-related, but it's worked so well for weight loss, I added it to another part of my life).

Journaling (I've gotten lazy about this, and it's showing in my weight loss slowing).

Small rewards along the way. Competing with myself or dangling little carrots in front of me has helped more than I realized. I've been slacking with this as well, and I'm going to recommit to them, and see where that goes. I've got a crochet book in mind for my 80 lb loss, and it's helping renew my committment.

None of these may apply to you - but find what does. It really does not have to be miserable. For most of my life (more than three decades) I thought that weight loss had to be miserable, and I just had to "suck it up," at least until I reached goal (which I never acheived). This attempt has been different though (and successful in ways no other attempt ever was). I decided to ONLY make changes I can see myself making for life.

I guess I'm at a point where I need to find more things I'm willing to do, or decide that 319 lbs IS my goal weight, because while what I have been willing to do has gotten me this far, it's apparently not enough to get me any further. Since I don't want this to be my goal weight, I've got to put in a little more or little different effort than I'm putting in now.

The "only what I'm willing to do forever," is a slower way to weight loss. I'm not saying that "what I'm willing to do for x number of months, or until I reach my goal" isn't also a legitimate way to lose weight, but it does require that you find ways to maintain the weight once you get there, where the "only what I'm willing to do forever" has maintenance built in. For me, that was a big plus.

I'm starting to ramble, but I encourage you to find ways to make weight loss and weight maintenance a positive force in your life, because if it's negative you're either going to abandon it (who needs voluntary suffering) or you're going to be voluntarily suffering, maybe forever. Life's too short for that.
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Last edited by kaplods : 08-05-2009 at 07:21 PM.
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Old 08-05-2009, 07:29 PM   #9
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Hi bbee

Like you, I always got to some point in my previous dieting efforts that I could just not overcome food struggles (or so I thought) and I stopped.

I don't know if this helps you, or not, but I found out the reason I failed in the past was not actually the food. It was my own negative thought processes and fears that drove me to make the negative a reality.. subconsciously. It was not that I didn't want to lose the weight.. it's that I was so bombarded with "OMG I *hope* I can do this" .. "oh no.. I should not have eaten that".. "man, I am so fat!".. "WHY can't I keep this up?".. all those negative thoughts.. it's like a pattern of thought running around in your brain and whatever you dwell on the most is like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I have had to start "re-wiring" my thinking. Everytime I catch myself thinking a negative.. I replace it with a positive. I now dwell on the picture in my mind that I have of me being thin and fit. I eat like I am, I exercise like I am. And while I am doing either one of those, I picture myself doing what I am doing THIN. It has helped tremendously! I am still as motivated as in the first week.. which is a huge step for me. Don't let your fears and negative thinking overtake you.. constantly replace your thoughts with positive ones. I still struggle with it sometimes, but the change for me in the last 5 weeks in the way I think and the resulting behavior has been nothing short of miraculous.

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Old 08-05-2009, 07:57 PM   #10
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Everyone has posted really good stuff thus far. I'm reminded of a different post of Kaplods from a few months back, where she challenged the oft-repeated idea that weight loss is easiest in the beginning. I liked that post because she put forth the idea that maybe it's NOT easiest at the beginning; that maybe weight loss success is like any other skill and we need to practice it in order to get better at it. She put it much better than I, but that was the jist.

Anyway.....stick with it and it will become more and more second nature. I really liked DivineFidelity's advice; that we should stop thinking of ourselves as the "fat girl". I know that I started doing that when I started exercising. I told myself that I was/am an athlete. I bought a pair of workout pants and some good shoes and an mp3 player. I pictured myself slim and trim as I was walking (my exercise of choice). And guess what.....gradually, over time, I started to believe it. I started jogging. I bought a cool Nike running shirt, because that's what athletes wear. And all the sudden I noticed the other day....my legs are getting firmer, like an athlete's!

You can do this. Picture yourself slim and trim. Picture yourself committed and disciplined. Whenever the negative voice starts up, challenge it. "I used to eat that, but I don't anymore." Or, "I used to give up early in the game, but I don't anymore. Now I'm a <athlete/vegetarian/runner/slim girl/surfer>". It sounds silly, but it really does help!
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Old 08-05-2009, 08:03 PM   #11
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Getting started is a huge step, and is not always easy to change old familiar bad habits, but you can do this.

I understand (and probably everyone here) how you feel. I think like so many have said, try focusing on things that will get you where you want to be, rather than negative self-talk.

Have a plan for yourself, whether it's choosing a diet plan, or coming up with something else that works for you. For me, having my diet plan is the easiest thing for me, as I don't do well without one. Plan for things that may have posed problems for you before (birthdays, dinner get togethers, etc) and have a good strategy to get through them. Plan for exercise. This will help a lot with the weight loss, and also help clear your mind.

You're right .. there will be rough spots along the way, but keeping focused on your goal of being thinner and happier, and what you need to do to get there, will help you get through it.

We are all here to cheer you on, so keep with it !
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Old 08-05-2009, 08:19 PM   #12
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I had a quick look at your blog and it doesn't sound like you are following any particular plan, just trying to cut back. Is that right? I think you need to do some reading and pick a plan that suits you and that you can stick with - and then trust it to do it's work. I find calorie counting the best (WW is simplified calorie counting) because I know how many calories I am putting in my body each day. Some people can't stand the thought of counting calories and opt for another plan like South Beach, etc. There are online resources like Fitday, The Daily Plate, etc to help you.

You are not the fat girl. You are the girl that is working towards improving her health and fitness and enjoying the process. You are the same girl on the inside that you always were, and will always be. Hang in there, and keep reading and asking questions here. There is a wealth of knowledge and many great people with great support and advice.
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Old 08-05-2009, 08:37 PM   #13
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What's been helping me a lot is reminding myself that this is not a "diet" it's a way of life. I will have to do this for the rest of my life if I want to keep the weight off and most importantly stay healthy. Once I thought about it like that I stopped worrying as much about how long it would take me to get to my goal or how hard it would be to stick to a "plan" because it isn't a plan it's normal healthy eating.

My problem was always over analyzing every last number, every pound I had to lose, every ounce of water, every calorie I ate, every calorie I burned, every rep I did with weights, every minute I did of cardio, anything I could count I did because I felt like I was in better control like that....until it was all to much and I fell out of control and gave up again. Now I make sure to listen to my body when it comes to working out and eating. I workout a lot but I won't over work myself until I burn out or get hurt. I do what makes me feels good. I know that sugar and caffiene make me feel good at first but then I feel horrible the rest of the day. I now know by listening to my body that eating to much fat makes me feel heavy and lethargic. By listening to my body I'm giving it everything it needs and my cravings have gone down to almost nothing, it makes this much easier now to stay with.

Just do what makes you feel healthier and the results will come! Good luck, you can do it!
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Old 08-05-2009, 09:46 PM   #14
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Wow, so much good advice in these posts.. there always is! Thank you all so much. I don't know how to tell you how much your words help me.

I've checked out some of the food log websites that some of you mentioned.. I think I might try the FitDay one out..

I've also put some of the little "mantras" you guys mentioned (I guess that's what you'd call them) and put them on note cards.. I've decided anytime I'm really down and thinking negatively, I'll pull them out and read them to myself. Reading them on here helped, so I figure that might too!

Anyway, thank you again! I'm always here for all of you!

-B
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