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Do I just not want it bad enough?

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Old 07-30-2009, 11:35 PM   #1
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Unhappy Do I just not want it bad enough?

I get all excited when I start something new. I mean I really throw myself into it. I bead, I sew and I really get into these things.

Now when I decide to lose weight I throw myself into it. I workout everyday, eat healthy, veggies, lean meats, cut back on sugar, try to cut out soda, most likely the same things that everyone else does. But the down side to all of this is that this last for about 2 weeks or less and I completely screw up. For the life of me I cannot keep a food journal for more than a week. And I have a really cool one that I thought would want to make me do.

So my question is, Do I just not want this bad enough? Have I not had a life changing moment that wakes me up to the fact that I need to do this? I know that in the back of my mind I have this little voice that tells me that I don't really look bad at this weight (I carry it well and no one believes that I weigh as much as I do). This little voice also tells me that I look good compared to the people around me. Isn't this awful, I know that I'm sabbotoging myself and I canot figure out how to make it stop.

I am I the only one who feels like this???

Sorry for making this so long.
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Old 07-30-2009, 11:52 PM   #2
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Try to figure out what happens at week 2 that makes it impossible for you to stay on plan. Then, change your plan. My journey changed, my plan changed, I kept changing the plan to suit me.

I was 35 years old when I started this last time, I figured it was much easier to change the plan than it was to change me. I am exactly the same person I was before I lost weight - I just manage myself better.
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Old 07-30-2009, 11:56 PM   #3
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I also wanted to add, wanting is not enough.

For 20 years, I desperately wanted to lose weight. Dreamed, fantasized, wanted desperately to be thin. So many of us are navel-gazers. We spend a lot of times in our heads, dreaming instead of acting. If you can't put your wanting into action (for more than 2 weeks) it just won't matter how much you want it.

Wanting by itself doesn't do anything. Someone has a great sig line on this board. It's something like "nothing happens until something moves."

My other advice would be to start bribing yourself shamelessly. What do you like, what do you want? After two weeks, make a goal if you can stick it out for another two weeks, you get a fabulous massage. After two more weeks, pick something else you want. Just move along in little steps and you will be on your way to longterm permanent weight loss.

The longer you do it, the more it will become habit and easier to stick to. I couldn't imagine (I really can't) going back to the old junk eating, heavy, depressed me.

PS I don't want to be hugely negative, but get a friend to take a surprise, unposed side/back view photo. A photo like that was a real wake up call. Sure, I carried my weight well when I was standing in front of a mirror with my chin up and my stomach sucked in. A truly candid shot revealed my double chin, rolls and saddlebags. Painful but something I needed to see! And I only said that because you said you wanted to stop! Not to be mean!
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Last edited by Glory87 : 07-30-2009 at 11:59 PM.
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Old 07-31-2009, 12:13 AM   #4
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I dont think you need to be motivated or want something "badly enough" . . . you need to educate yourself, make sure you have the support and skills to do this, set your life up so that you can be as successful as possible and then just do it. Just follow your plan.

Not everyone finds it easy to stay on course every day . . . or forever as in my case, but what is the alternative?

Staying numb and not living my life is not something that is an option for me. I want more for myself and I remind myself daily and just do it. Some days its one moment at a time and other days just fly by and I think "Why did it take me so long to get back on track?"

Just take baby steps and just start - there is a power in just starting. You get a few days that turn into a few good weeks and you feel so good and so empowered that you just keep going.

Its not a race, you dont have to do it all in 2 minutes . . . life changes take practice and consistency.

You can do it. You really can.

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Old 07-31-2009, 12:37 AM   #5
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Oh I meant to add - are you going off plan after two weeks because that is around the time that you find that you can no longer sustain your exercise and eating program?

I ask that bcos I too have been known to throw myself into projects and everything works "perfecly" (whatever my version of perfect is at that time) until something happens to throw a spanner into my "perfect" plans which then would just make me give up bcos it all seems too hard.

Your journey will in most likelihood have SOME blips. That is ok - as long as you are continually moving in the right direction (and only you can know what that is for you) - ie. either a lower weight, being able to run a 5k, being happier . . .

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Old 07-31-2009, 02:07 AM   #6
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you know what helped me was to read and learn more about how I could make this into a lifestyle change and not just a diet...I've been reading a lot of books like The Gabriel Method and there are books like The End to Overeating and other books. I mean basically you have to get to the root of why you don't stay on plan. I used to always quit and reward myself after I lost 10 pounds, my weight is really evenly distributed so people always tell me I don't need to lose weight or can't tell my weight. Anyway now I realized this is a lifestyle change so I'm trying to take it one day at a time and am not looking at it as a diet. I don't restrict myself - I eat when I'm hungry, I just make healthier choices.

By the way glory87 you are so INSPIRING! I saw your links! WOW! Thanks so much for sharing your success - I'm always motivated by success stories.
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Old 07-31-2009, 02:42 AM   #7
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Yes, here, me! Everything is intense, but brief. So were most diets.
But that was diets which were not sustainable. Diets which involved too much effort, time, money, attention, craving, etc. What kinds of diet was it with you that you abandoned? Sounds to me like it was not the right programme.

Maybe, there will be one which you can just incorporate into your daily regime, makeit a habit and then forget about?
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Old 07-31-2009, 07:10 AM   #8
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Shouka, this journey does not have to be an all out "All or Nothing" journey. Nobody is perfect. Maybe you can try to do one thing consistently, whether it's eating well, exercising, drinking enough water, logging in your food journal, getting enough sleep, you get the idea. Get that one thing, whatever you choose, down pat and slowly add in another. It took me a long time to get the ball rolling on my journey and that's ok. Because I had to make one thing a habit before I could add another--maybe I'm kind of slow, but it's definitely working.

Also, maybe you need to dream more! Dream of the you that you want to be. Write down what you really want, your goals. Is it fitness, health, awesome abs? Whatever it is--dream it! Someone has this (or something like it) in their signature: Thoughts become reality--make them good ones.
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Old 07-31-2009, 07:14 AM   #9
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I don't know that you can assume that a lack of success is a result of a lack of desire, or even a lack of commitment. You may not be "ready," you may be happy with yourself (and that's legitimate if it's true, it isn't "horrible," unless you decide so), you may be trying to work against your personality rather than with it.

That you say that you do this with other areas of your life, like crafting, it could be just that you have a low tolerance for monotony and a strong need for novelty.

I can definitely relate. My husband and I say that my hobby is collecting hobbies, and it's so true. I get bored easily and have a low tolerance for boredom. I find it difficult to stick to strict regimens, and become easily distracted and disinterested in things I was fascinated with only moments before.

For me, I had to find ways to keep things new and interesting, and only make changes I could see myself incorporating for life (in one form or another). I had to remind myself what I wanted to accomplish, and how I could get there (and if I was bored, what I could do differently to get there).

One thing I did that helped alot was rewards for exercise and weight loss. I have a sticker chart for each pound, and each workout. In the beginning, I would plan little rewards for every five stickers. I'd write down the next reward I wanted, and once I wrote it down, didn't let myself have "it" until I'd earned it. I didn't punish myself for not achieving (if it was a book, for example, I didn't stop reading, I just couldn't buy or borrow THAT book until I'd earned it).

I've struggled recently to lose more, and I think the boredom factor is partially responsible. I'm not letting it inspire me to regain, but I just haven't gone the extra mile to lose any more, and I think part of it is that I'm losing interest with my plan. I'm going to take my own advice here, and find ways to "shake up," my plan, as I realize that I have also been fighting my personality instead of working with it.
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Old 07-31-2009, 07:26 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shouka View Post
I get all excited when I start something new. I mean I really throw myself into it. I bead, I sew and I really get into these things.

Now when I decide to lose weight I throw myself into it. I workout everyday, eat healthy, veggies, lean meats, cut back on sugar, try to cut out soda, most likely the same things that everyone else does. But the down side to all of this is that this last for about 2 weeks or less and I completely screw up. For the life of me I cannot keep a food journal for more than a week. And I have a really cool one that I thought would want to make me do.

So my question is, Do I just not want this bad enough? Have I not had a life changing moment that wakes me up to the fact that I need to do this? I know that in the back of my mind I have this little voice that tells me that I don't really look bad at this weight (I carry it well and no one believes that I weigh as much as I do). This little voice also tells me that I look good compared to the people around me. Isn't this awful, I know that I'm sabbotoging myself and I canot figure out how to make it stop.
I really, really think you have to have a burning desire to make this happen. I know for me, I couldn't or I should say, I wouldn't sustain any lifestyle change until my desire to be thin and healthy outweighed, overtook and overpowered the desire for "those foods". Once that occurred, then I made darn certain that I STUCK to something. I was done being fat. I had had enough and wanted no more of it. I wanted THAT badly to be healthy and trim.

That's another thing, when I finally made the decision to get rid of the fat, I stopped looking at it as some diet that I was on. I decided once and for all to get my act together and just be a health minded individual. I decided to stop settling for good enough and second best, when first best was within my power. I decided this had to be a permanent change. Once I made that decision there was no STOPPING. Not at week number 2, week number 22 or week number 222. I no longer relied on motivation or whether I felt like it or not, I made an ironclad commitment. Once you commit to something - that's it - there's no turning back.

So since I did have that burning desire, that's when I did everything to MAKE this work. I was WILLING to make it work and I DID make it work. That helped me to seek out and develop a plan that was right for me, one that I was WILLING to stick with, and like Glory said, change it up to suit me as need be. I tweaked it and perfected it to suit my needs. But again, I was WILLING to do this. I was WILLING to get rid of the junk and ADD in the healthy stuff. I was WILLING to exercise.

The truth is the best plan in the world, what ever that is, for each of us as individuals, won't work unless we are WILLING to make it work? So, what are you WILLING to do to make this work? What are you WILLING to give up in order to get ahead? What are kind of effort are you WILLING to put forth? Losing weight won't happen on it's own. It DOES require, effort, work, discipline, determination and WILLINGness.

But man oh man is it worth it. The rewards are out of this world PHENOMENAL. You think you look okay now. You think you feel okay now. But just wait till you start reaping those benefits. Your energy and productivity levels will soar. As will your self esteem and self confidence. I know for sure that you won't ever regret losing the weight, not so sure if you won't regret NOT losing the weight.

But the good thing is, without a doubt it DOES get easier as you go on. These new and healthy habits have become my new normal and are automatic to me. Once established, good habits are just as hard to break as bad ones.

Decide what it is you want the most, the very, very MOST. Then make go out there and get it. Don't dread this. Get excited about it. Get moving. Make a plan, make a commitment to "do this" no matter what and do what is necessary to make it happen.

Last edited by rockinrobin : 07-31-2009 at 07:30 AM.
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Old 07-31-2009, 08:16 AM   #11
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Wow, lots of ideas and thoughts here!

I think there are lots of reasons we "fail" at diets. It might be a lack of wanting, but as others have noted, you also need to have a sustainable plan. One that works for you long term.

If you get bored easily, that plan will have to include novelty. If you hate veggies and your plan requires them, then you need to either figure out how to prep them so you do like them (and lots of people have) or you have to find a plan that allows other food. If you work well to rewards, you need to find lots of rewards. In other words, you have to match YOU to your PLAN. One of the difficulties is figuring that out.
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Old 07-31-2009, 09:15 AM   #12
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I can identify with you in several ways.

I don’t look too bad. Especially for my age In groups of people, I’m often on the smaller side. I can find clothing that fits.

I have so many crafts on the go or half finished. My staircase would be lovely if someone finished painting it. J

In light of all of that, it’s very easy for weight to NOT be my focus. I can get to be a bit slimmer any time, right?

Right now, my coffee is a bit bitter. I could put some French vanilla creamer in it. That would help. I’d like it right now. I can always skimp on my salad dressing or skip a snack later. Maybe I’ll just do a few extra minutes on the elliptical later.

And in the next three weeks, we have two important functions to attend. They will (of course) revolve around food.

Later this evening, Dh wants to go pick up some things he needs for a weekend project. I might get to the elliptical before we go. I might do it after we get home.

This weekend I work two 12 hr shifts. I usually work eights. I’ll probably use enough energy to have one doughnut. I’ll certainly get enough exercise that I could skip the elliptical.

That baby blanket I’m knitting needs to be done by the 15th of August. If I worked on that for a few hours today …

And I should clear out some stuff to make DH’s weekend project easier and cleaner.

I’d better get some groceries today too. I’m not sure what we’re doing for supper tonight. It’d really be easier to go out on our way to Home Depot.

In the grand scheme of things, a few busy weeks in the summer are not going to make that much difference. At some point in the future I’ll have that magic combination of a lightening strike of readiness, a clear time span in which to schedule all the things I need to do, a sudden personality change to “organized and focused” ….

However … I want to be slim in the grand scheme of things. In the long run, I’d rather be slim … soon.

The term “ever mindful” has had a huge impact on me. And if that means filling my life with reminders … then so be it. The elliptical is in front of the TV. There is weight equipment on my back porch. There are dumbbells at my bedside. I come to 3FC every morning. I subscribe to two fitness magazines. I keep fruit and vegetables on the kitchen counter in a basket. The food scale is in the center of my kitchen workspace. My bathroom scale is sooo obvious sitting where it does.

For me, it’s a matter of being ever mindful and being ‘good’ more often than I am not on plan. If I cannot remain focused, my environment certainly can. If I do at least a few things right each day, I’m never off plan, just backslidden. I’ll never forget everything I know to be true about weight loss. Sometimes I just have to dredge it closer to the surface … into focus.

I’m pretty longwinded this morning but I have one more point. Because I am so “scatter attentioned” variety is very important. We’re lucky in that fitness can be approached from so many angles. There’s a huge variety of foods out there. There’s a huge variety of exercises and activities. There’s a huge variety of motivational cues too.

We don’t have to do Jetta’s Joga tapes every day for the rest of our lives. We can walk or jog or mountain climb or dance …

We can watch sports figures (slim, fit sports figures) on TV. We can read the goal threads or maintainers on 3FC. We can flip through fitness mags.

We can eat an egg white omelet or chicken breast or broccoli or salad or a veggies burger or an apple or grapes or pork tenderloin …

In combination, the possibilities are endless. So if our attention wanes in a couple of weeks, it’s not difficult to “change it up”.

Relax and practice being “in it” more than you are “out of it”.
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Old 07-31-2009, 09:22 AM   #13
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Susan, you made lots of good points. I really, really got the gist of what you were trying to say.

I just wanted to add, I think in order for consistent, steady, continual, long term weight loss to occur, you must make it a priority. A tippy, tippy top priority. It has to be THAT important to you. Can't leave it on the back burner. Must remain on the front one.
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Old 07-31-2009, 09:27 AM   #14
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As a teacher I can tell you that sometimes a student will not put forth any effort because they are afraid that if they work hard and do their homework and they still do badly, that their best wasn't good enough. If they don't do anything and they fail, they can say, "I could have passed if I had wanted to". Perhaps you have fear of success.
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Old 07-31-2009, 09:31 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Glory87 View Post
I also wanted to add, wanting is not enough.

For 20 years, I desperately wanted to lose weight. Dreamed, fantasized, wanted desperately to be thin. So many of us are navel-gazers. We spend a lot of times in our heads, dreaming instead of acting. If you can't put your wanting into action (for more than 2 weeks) it just won't matter how much you want it.

Wanting by itself doesn't do anything. Someone has a great sig line on this board. It's something like "nothing happens until something moves."

shouka, yes, I've felt that same way at a much higher weight than you.

lots of great comments/advice here. I quoted Glory because I felt like I had to do something, anything, to shake up my routine and denial, to get going on the weight loss roll again -- which I desperately wanted, dreamed and fantasized about (at the same time that I told myself I carried the weight well and was much healthier than I had been).

my choices were to hire a trainer for a bunch of sessions to change up my exercise routine, and come to 3FC again. that's helped me with the extra eating, and I'm starting to lose the weight again.

for me, it was a tough thing mentally to get real, and to address the habits that weren't helping me.

part of me had a fear of losing the weight too. I'd have to face challenges/choices in my life that felt scary. good luck with everything!
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