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Old 07-27-2009, 02:13 PM   #1
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Default Very hurt...

Okay..my boyfriend's dad called a bit ago to say he was on his way over here..for a background on the situation, go here http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/weig...6902-sigh.html .

So, I go in and put on my best fitting jeans (I only have 2 pair and they are both too big). I put on the shirt that fits me best and I run the flat iron over my hair. I take a deep breath and I am ready to meet his dad and I tell my boyfriend this. I am nervous but not afraid. But when his dad and his nephew get here, my boyfriend goes outside to meet them and never invites them in where I am at. My boyfriend comes in once to get something and I am standing there waiting for his dad to come in and my boyfriend, without even giving me a glance, says "I don't think he is coming in." .

How am I suppose to take this? I am very hurt at the moment. I luckily came into 20 bucks (yeah, sad I know) and I have been planning to use it to buy a food scale so I can accurately measure my foods and now I just want to cry, break things and eat lots of icky greasy foods
Stopped smoking October 21, 2008
Made it to Onederland July 16, 2009

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Achievement seems to be connected with action. Successful men and women keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don't quit.
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Disclaimer: I am not a registered dietitian, nutritionist, any kind of health professional or fitness expert...I'm just a woman who's lost 161.5 pounds so far with a lot of hard work.
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Old 07-27-2009, 02:23 PM   #2
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Take a deep breath. This most likely has NOTHING to do with you. So just sit back, breathe, get your food scale, KEEP ON YOUR PATH. And then, later on, ask DB wtf????

Seriously, calm down and breathe. This most likely has nothing to do with you at all. NOTHING...

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Old 07-27-2009, 02:23 PM   #3
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No, your stronge enough, do not let them hurt you, it's propibly not you. Don't jump to conclusions. Your a beautiful girl and you better believe that. Do not bet yourself up, you don't even know why. We are all here to support you, you've come this fare, keep going, keep believeing. Stand tall. Don't let your emotions over come you. You can do this. Even if they did that on purpose, then he is not a good person. I really think it had some other reason.

God bless. I'm sorry sweetie. But don't give up on yourself! Have faith! Have hope! I know I do for you!
currently: 145
goal: 133

May Goal: Exercise 4 time a week and measure myself!

Last edited by SnowWolf; 07-27-2009 at 02:27 PM.
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Old 07-27-2009, 02:24 PM   #4
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I think you did amazing. You put on your best jeans, did your hair and got all beautiful. You were ready for the situation! That in itself is an accomplishment! While it's impossible for me to forecast what the other individuals were thinking. I'm most proud of you. Perhaps next time you'll go outside and meet them? Never know! I think you have mounds to be proud of which screams from the mountain tops your results!

A welcome bump in the road on my journey
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Old 07-27-2009, 02:33 PM   #5
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Next chance, go OUTSIDE! Just walk right out, put out your hand, and say, "Hi Mr. XYZ, I'm Chunkychic. I am so happy to finally meet you!"
Started 4/14/08 LINK TO PROGRESS PICS 1/1/2009
"It is impossible to live pleasurably without living wisely, well, and justly, and it is impossible to live wisely, well, and justly without living pleasurably" Epicurus
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Old 07-27-2009, 02:34 PM   #6
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I didn't comment on the last post, but you got some wonderful advice. I think that this is kind of a strange situation. My understanding is (and I could be wrong) you have had a relationship with your boyfriend for 6 years and you have been living with him for 2 and you have yet to meet his parents/son/family/etc.? In addition you are interested in working but would need to rely on him for transportation but he says no, cause you guys have everything (except you aren't able to afford a few outfits that fit well at this time?). So I'm a little confused and a little concerned.

And then I see your WONDERFUL AMAZING progress and how you are grabbing control over your weight and your body and I am bursting with pride and excitement for you! And I think that grabbing control over this situation is the next logical step. As for how to grab control of this situation you have a few options. I would have a serious WTF discussion with the boyfriend about his family. What in the world is the barrier here? I must be missing something. Second, the next opportunity, grab it. Invite them for dinner. Can be a potluck with paperplates. Make spaghetti. Get to know them. You are ASTONISHING! And not cause of the weight loss (although I bow in awe before you!) but because you are brave and you believe and you look at the unknown and you have faith and say "Bring it on, baby" and you make these sweeping incredible changes. And go for a job. Get out of the house, make your own money. Money = independence. Not cause you are going anywhere but because then you can take care of yourself without having to check with him.

So there ya go. With all that advice and $1.50 you can get a plain coffee at Starbucks. But there are changes afoot for you, Ms. Chic. Ride the wave that you are on to confidence, joy, and contentment. You deserve no less.
"And that's how Beowulf rolls"~ my DD
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Old 07-27-2009, 02:48 PM   #7
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I'm so sorry this happened. I'm sure you are very hurt. Time for a serious discussion with DBF. What did he say when he came home about the decision not to bring his son home? Did you have a talk then?

I still believe this is not about your weight. It may still be a serious problem but I don't think that is it or at least not the only thing going on. It is very hard for me to introduce new love interests into my family too but it seems like the time has come for both of you to try and get over this hurdle.

One for each point I earn in my daily 5 point challenge (week of 11/8-11/14):
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Old 07-27-2009, 02:49 PM   #8
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Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry that you feel this way. I can't say it any better than Midwife did. You have done so many great things for yourself, it is absolutely inspiring. Take charge of this situation and make it your own, you can absolutely handle it.

I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday.

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Old 07-27-2009, 03:00 PM   #9
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Oh my...yeah, this calls for SOME kind of explanation from BF. I think a heaping of WTH????? is also in order.

PLEASE DON'T sabotage yourself!!!! Chunky, a lot of us here look up to you more than you will E.V.E.R. know. I know you have more smarts than to do something like that anyway. It is okay to cry, maybe even break something, haha. No, not really, I am just kidding. Just have a good cry, compose yourself and approach your BF. Like others have said, chances are it has NOTHING to do with you at all.

Go ahead and buy your food scale. I never knew you did not have one...that is a staple for me so to know you have been on this journey without one, well THAT deserves a standing ovation IMO!

Take this feeling, (unfortunately you are gonna have many more emotional upsets in life, just like anyone) and set precedence for next time. Don't do what you did in the past. A lot of us eat out of anger or sadness. Let this set the tone of how you are going to react to situations like this FROM HERE ON OUT. Buying a scale is CONSTRUCTIVE. Journaling your thoughts and accomplishments are CONSTRUCTIVE. Exercise, even a little walk, is CONSTRUCTIVE. Be constructive rather than destructive to yourself and surroundings. It takes practice. I know b/c I have a tendency to not deal with anger and sadness very well and it takes all I have not to break things or say things I really don't mean. It is really a defense mechanism. I want someone/something to BURST into pieces or hurt to the degree that I am hurting on the inside. But usually, that only leads to MORE anger and hurt. And a whole lotta guilt. Maybe there is something your BF is dealing with family-wise that he hasn't been totally up front with you about. There has to be an explanation. I hope you get it figured out

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Old 07-27-2009, 03:15 PM   #10
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I'm sorry. Maybe he heard in advance you weren't sure you were ready to meet him, and he thought it was about HIM!
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Old 07-27-2009, 04:20 PM   #11
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What was his dad there for? Why did they stay outside? Why didn't you just go outside? Maybe the dad thought you were hiding in the house?

I think what's going to have to happen is this. BF and you plan a date and time to eet his family, you guys prepare dinner and they come over or you all meet somewhere for dinner or go to his parents home.

When it happens, just be nice, smile, tell them it's so wonderful to finally meet them, etc.

Once you finally meet them and get to know them better perhaps explain to his mother your situation- that you used to weigh over 300 lbs and now weigh less than 200 and it's taken you a while to get over your own self esteem issues and sincerely apologize because it had nothing to do with them, just you.

Put yourself in their shoes- their son is seeing a woman for 6 years and she has never taken the time to meet them- I bet they are feeling the SAME way you are.
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Old 07-27-2009, 04:20 PM   #12
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It's not about you.
It's not about you.
It's not about you.
It's not about you.
It's not about you!

You are a BEAUTIFUL woman--I've seen the pics, haven't you?? I mean, really gorgeous!!! You are!! Time for some positive self-affirmations!!!! And if you have health ins, maybe a little counselling?? Been there, done that, it helps.

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Old 07-27-2009, 05:55 PM   #13
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I agree with all of these people! You are a wonderfully amazing woman! You have accomplished so much and you deserve to stand out and SHINE. Have that talk with your b/f and then once everything is squared away, plan that dinner with his fam! But most of all, stay strong. You most certainly CAN do this!

Made it to ONEDERLAND (the first time) 16/nov/2009!!!
Gained some back, but will be back in ONEDERLAND soon!
Couch 2 5k Graduate
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Old 07-27-2009, 06:16 PM   #14
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I am sorry you are feeling bad.you are such a sweetheart with a great sense of humor!!!!!!Trust me...they need to meet you!They are missing out.
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Old 07-27-2009, 06:18 PM   #15
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Hoping you are out and about getting your new food scale but if not and things have gone off the rails food wise or otherwise, please know you're in a safe place and don't feel like you have to hide. You are a wonderful support and I hope you'll take some of that back now. Hugs!

One for each point I earn in my daily 5 point challenge (week of 11/8-11/14):
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