3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community  

Go Back   3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community > Support Forum > Weight Loss Support

Weight Loss Support Give and get support here!

unsupportive boyfriend

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 07-21-2009, 03:21 PM   #1
Senior Member
 
170starting's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Southern Maryland
Posts: 631

S/C/G: ticker

Height: 5'6.25''

Default unsupportive boyfriend

Hello fellow chicky-poos...

I am feeling rather disheartened. My boyfriend (A marine who has been in shape his entire life--is in better shape than I am and he is 14 years older) is trying to sabotage me. I know he is not trying to but he "doesn't see why I want to lose weight, he likes how I look now." I had an eating disorder for 6 years and he knows that... so now that I am not eating a lot throughout the day (snacking) he is convinced that I am sick.

So, now he forces me to eat in front of him (which I have a problem eating in front of anyone because I feel like I am being judged). He wont let me go to the bathroom until an hour after I eat... He has not been a controlling person until now. He doesnt see that I DON'T LIKE LOOKING LIKE THIS. I am so so sad.
__________________


My Diet Blog:
http://www.3fatchicks.com/diet-blogs/170starting/
170starting is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2009, 03:28 PM   #2
Resident Pixie
 
Onederchic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 14,659

S/C/G: Pant Size - 28/12/8

Height: 5'2"

Default

Uhh..okay this is mind boggling to me. How come he can force and control you so easily? This disturbs me and quite frankly I won't post what is in my mind for fear of crossing a line.

I will just say good luck with your goals.

Hugs
Michelle
__________________
Stopped smoking October 21, 2008
Made it to Onederland July 16, 2009


Transformation in Pictures

My Facebook


Achievement seems to be connected with action. Successful men and women keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don't quit.
- Conrad Hilton

Disclaimer: I am not a registered dietitian, nutritionist, any kind of health professional or fitness expert...I'm just a woman who's lost 161.5 pounds so far with a lot of hard work.

Last edited by Onederchic : 07-21-2009 at 03:34 PM.
Onederchic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2009, 03:47 PM   #3
NEVER EVER going back
 
cfmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 3,747

S/C/G: 377/240's/150

Height: 5 feet 5 inches

Default

wow. GET OUT NOW. That is controlling and manipulating behavior at it's FINEST. Wow.

I wish you the best of luck with it. What a hard hard situation to be in.
__________________
On my own personal journey I started on September 27, 2008
Starting weight 377, Weight in spring of 2010 198, Weight in August 2011? In the 240's.
Still plugging along on this weight loss highway!
cfmama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2009, 03:53 PM   #4
nirvikalpa samadhi
 
DCHound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Gaithersburg, MD
Posts: 1,728

S/C/G: 369.5/ticker/169.5

Height: 5'8"

Default

That's emotional abuse and can quickly escalate into physical abuse. Get out now. Here's more info: http://www.ndvh.org/ Seriously, that is not normal behavior, you are a strong, powerful, beautiful woman and you deserve a lot better than that.
__________________
DCHound is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2009, 03:55 PM   #5
Just Yr Everyday Chick
 
JayEll's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Florida
Posts: 10,083

S/C/G: Lost 50 lbs, regained some

Height: 5'3"

Default

Well, I don't think your boyfriend needs to monitor your behavior--but I can see why he might be concerned.

I'd suggest that you find a dietitian who specializes in eating disorders. This is a relatively new specialty, but they are out there. He or she can help you come up with a program that will both help you lose weight and avoid triggering any ED behavior. Your doctor is a good resource--and local clinics and hospitals may also be able to give your some names of accredited people.

Share that you are doing this with your boyfriend--to help reassure him that you are being healthy in your approach.

Good luck! Don't be sad!
Jay
__________________
"My religion is kindness." --His Holiness the Dalai Lama

JayEll is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2009, 03:56 PM   #6
Senior Member
 
170starting's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Southern Maryland
Posts: 631

S/C/G: ticker

Height: 5'6.25''

Default

Thank you, ladies. I don't think he is intentionally being abusive, though... It's my fault for being sick before... had I not been sick, he wouldnt be this way
__________________


My Diet Blog:
http://www.3fatchicks.com/diet-blogs/170starting/
170starting is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2009, 03:57 PM   #7
Senior Member
 
bitetoobreakkskin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new braunfels tx
Posts: 363

S/C/G: 273/ticker/140

Height: 5'4

Default

:::::HUGS:::::

im so sorry you're going through this!! and as hard as it might be to read, i hope you follow the advice of our fellow chickies (getting out of the relationship)...i have a friend who has not been able to get away from her verbally/mentally/and physically abusive boyfriend, and its tearing her apart..i hope you find the inner strength you need to get away from this-and until that happens-i will keep you in my thoughts and pray for you..i look forward to reading abt the success i KNOW you will have keep your chin up honey-we're always here for you!
__________________


you'll never be anybody but yourself..
one cyber for every 5 lbs
bitetoobreakkskin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2009, 03:57 PM   #8
Just Yr Everyday Chick
 
JayEll's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Florida
Posts: 10,083

S/C/G: Lost 50 lbs, regained some

Height: 5'3"

Default

170starting, I was posting at the same time you were! See above...

Jay
__________________
"My religion is kindness." --His Holiness the Dalai Lama

JayEll is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2009, 03:58 PM   #9
Paleo-ish Girl
 
Altari's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 942

S/C/G: 255.5/174/160

Height: 5'6"

Default

I am going to say this from the perspective of someone who is anorexic. You didn't "have an eating disorder for 6 years". You have an eating disorder NOW. Eating disorders are like alcoholism. You have it for life.

My husband has done the same things. He has forced me to eat (by putting a plate in front of me and standing there until I eat it). It seems controlling and counterproductive, but once the fog of having "control" of what I eat passes, I've seen that he was doing what was in my best interest. Your boyfriend may be seeing the ED tendencies reemerging and may be attempting to help prevent a complete relapse.

However, you really need to step back and analyze his behavior. The boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is much different than the husband/wife one. While his behavior may be in your best interest, it may simply be the beginning of a truly controlling, manipulative and ultimately abusive relationship. I'd suggest thinking carefully about the other things he does.
__________________
Next Goal - 167.0 pounds (BMI 27) 88.5 pounds lost
Lovin' the Paleo diet. Meat, veggies and more energy than ever.
Success! A bit more to lose, but I met my big goal.
Altari is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2009, 04:00 PM   #10
Senior Member
 
bargoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Davis, Ca
Posts: 23,149

S/C/G: 204/114/120

Height: 5'

Default Abusive behaviour

Quote:
Originally Posted by 170starting View Post
Thank you, ladies. I don't think he is intentionally being abusive, though... It's my fault for being sick before... had I not been sick, he wouldnt be this way
You are making excuses for him. I agree with the other ladies, this is abuse.....after this , what ? I think you had better rethink this situation, this is not healthy. You are a grown woman with a perfectly good mind and can and should make your own decisions.
__________________
Goal 12/21/2007
bargoo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2009, 04:01 PM   #11
On my way to a size 10!
 
SamanthaJubilee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 399

S/C/G: 236/see ticker/150

Height: 5'8"

Default

Okay...so were you bulemic or anorexic?

Have you told him how it makes you feel when he does that?

I don't think you should be "just snacking" but I'm not your doctor. My advice is that you should eat 5 to 6 small MEALS a day. I like to use a salad plate as my dinner plate. That way I greatly reduce the amount of food I eat, yet I still eat what I like...just make it in healthier ways now.
__________________


1st goal - get UNDER 200!!!
SamanthaJubilee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2009, 04:03 PM   #12
Senior Member
 
170starting's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Southern Maryland
Posts: 631

S/C/G: ticker

Height: 5'6.25''

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SamanthaJubilee View Post
Okay...so were you bulemic or anorexic?

Have you told him how it makes you feel when he does that?

I don't think you should be "just snacking" but I'm not your doctor. My advice is that you should eat 5 to 6 small MEALS a day. I like to use a salad plate as my dinner plate. That way I greatly reduce the amount of food I eat, yet I still eat what I like...just make it in healthier ways now.
Unfortunately, I was burdened by both. If I didnt think I could get rid of something, I didnt eat it.
__________________


My Diet Blog:
http://www.3fatchicks.com/diet-blogs/170starting/
170starting is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2009, 04:03 PM   #13
Senior Member
 
170starting's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Southern Maryland
Posts: 631

S/C/G: ticker

Height: 5'6.25''

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SamanthaJubilee View Post
Okay...so were you bulemic or anorexic?

Have you told him how it makes you feel when he does that?

I don't think you should be "just snacking" but I'm not your doctor. My advice is that you should eat 5 to 6 small MEALS a day. I like to use a salad plate as my dinner plate. That way I greatly reduce the amount of food I eat, yet I still eat what I like...just make it in healthier ways now.
Unfortunately, I was burdened by both. If I didnt think I could get rid of something, I didnt eat it.
__________________


My Diet Blog:
http://www.3fatchicks.com/diet-blogs/170starting/
170starting is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2009, 04:05 PM   #14
Senior Member
 
CamiToo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Kenosha, Wisconsin
Posts: 154

S/C/G: 280.0/205.8/100.0

Height: 5'2"

Default

I'm with cfmama. Get out of the relationship ASAP. Your body is your own. NO person has the right to control your eating habits or to "force" you to do anything.
I also have a few choice words for him regarding his attempts to control your bodily functions. If you have to use the bathroom, use it regardless of what he says! Your doctor would tell you the same.
You say you had an eating disorder in the past. You also say you now want to lose some weight. You're the only person who can control these things by making sure you eat enough healthy calories to nourish your body while also balancing the food you eat with proper exercise. But again, the decisions you make regarding your body and your health are YOURS to make, not HIS!
The bathroom thing is still making me want to curse his ears off!
__________________

Last edited by CamiToo : 07-21-2009 at 04:06 PM.
CamiToo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2009, 04:10 PM   #15
On my way to a size 10!
 
SamanthaJubilee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 399

S/C/G: 236/see ticker/150

Height: 5'8"

Default

Cami - have you ever had an eating disorder?
__________________


1st goal - get UNDER 200!!!
SamanthaJubilee is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Posts by members, moderators and admins are not considered medical advice
and no guarantee is made against accuracy.


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:06 PM.






Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.3.2