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Old 07-18-2009, 10:10 AM   #1
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Unhappy struggling, need motivation

So i lost 26.5 pounds and I'm feeling good but for the last 3 weeks i've been on an eating roller coaster! I can't stop eating everything. I think OK I'll eat today, because i've already messed up, and I'll start over tomorrow. I've gained back 3 pounds and really feeling discouraged. I think its stress but i have the same amount of stress as before. My husband and I decided to ttc when i loose another 20-25 pounds, maybe subcontiously I am sabotaging myself because I'm not so sure about another baby? but I feel guilty for not giving my son a sibling. Why cant this be easy?
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Old 07-18-2009, 10:37 AM   #2
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It's not that you CAN'T stop eating, it's that you WON'T. Because of course you CAN. I mean it IS something that you control, you dictate and that you have the power over. It's ALWAYS a choice. You just have to get yourself back to making the RIGHT choices.

We all know that waiting for tomorrow, never, ever works. You MUST deal with TODAY. This day and every day. Do what's required right this very minute.

Revisit your original goals and remember why you started this venture. Eating because of "stress" causes waaaay more stress and problems then it solves. Don't use the fact that you're unsure of where you stand on having another child as an excuse to eat poorly. Stop making excuses, stop waiting for stress to ease and motivation to overtake you. Make a commitment to yourself to live the very best life possible for yourself, so that you can be the best Mom to the son that you DO have.

Do you plan out your day? What you're going to eat IN ADVANCE? For me, that is ESSENTIAL. When you've got a plan in place it makes is MUCH easier to eat healthy. No leaving it up in the air, no giving yourself the opportunity or PERMISSION to eat anything but what's on that plan.

You've done great losing the 20 something pounds thus far. You are a proven loser. So get yourself back to those losing ways.
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Old 07-18-2009, 10:39 AM   #3
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PLEASE don't go back down that road....turn around, head for the light! If you think you are feeling depressed with a 3 pound gain, just think how absolutely disgusted you will be with yourself when you gain the other 23.5 back. It won't take long either...and don't let people fool you and tell you it's all water weight. That is BS.

IF you are unsure of another baby at this time tell you husband about it....Don't let this fester inside you. You need to be the best mommy you can be to your son now, and gaining back your weight is not the answer. Take control NOW!

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Old 07-18-2009, 11:23 AM   #4
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I've been on the roller coaster for a week, and today is my first day back on firm ground. I hate it; every part of my insides is screaming for chocolate and fries. In answer to the question: do you want to carry on getting slimmer and healthier or would you rather eat the chocolate which is on special offer a large slab of fruit and nut for 0.99? the answer is a resounding CHOCOLATE.

I am trying to keep as busy as I can, sticking to today's plan absolutely, because in my heart of hearts, I know that I should want the slim/healthy option. It doesn't matter how we feel, or how 'justified' just one more day off plan is, there is a logic here - fat, sad and unhealthy (well, that's what I was anyway) or slim, happy and well. It's one of those times when the right answer is the one you know is right, not the one you feel is right.
Good luck!
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Old 07-18-2009, 11:36 AM   #5
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3 lbs is not a catastrophe, you've still lost a good amount. congratulations on that.

the baby q is huge. I'm trying to untie my weight loss with stuff I put in my head that I'll be "obligated to do" when I lose x lbs. sheesh! as if weight loss isn't hard enough on it's own, without throwing in all the mental "have to's when I'm thin"

so, you can decide to have another son, or hold off, or not, whether you lose that weight or not. they can be two totally separate issues. I hope that helps, and hugs because I know it's not easy.
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Old 07-18-2009, 11:55 AM   #6
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The only time you have to have another baby is when YOU decide you want to. Not because your son "deserves" a sibling or because your husband wants another one. YOU get to decide this because it is your body and your time.

Now, it seems to me that the time to make that decision is after you have lost 25 pounds, not ahead of time. It's not like someone is going to say, "OK, you lost the weight, so NOW you HAVE to have a baby." You didn't sign some legal contract about it. Talk to your husband. Tell him you're not sure you want to have a baby, but that you'll think about it again after you've lost weight. NOT that you will HAVE a baby, but that you'll think about it.

If you want motivation, take off all your clothes and go look at yourself in a full-length mirror. That's what turned me around. Whatever you see there is not going to change unless you change it, and that means coming up with a food plan that you can follow and stick with. Calorie counting has worked for me, but there are many plans out there!

Good luck! I hope you can succeed!

Jay
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Old 07-18-2009, 01:25 PM   #7
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I agree with the PP on the baby issue. Sounds like it might be time to ask for a revisit on that with DH. I would encourage you to try and uncouple the two because regardless of whether you have another baby or not, you want to get healthy right?

You have run into a bit of all-or-none thinking I think and it's a little hard to deprogram but you absolutely can. That whole idea that healthy eating success only comes in complete day increments is really defeating and yet so many of us try and do that. Some of us even do bigger increments. I encourage you to start trying to get it down to the smallest of all increments, the food in front of you right now. We are all going to have less than ideal foods at various times and this is one of the important skills. When you hear yourself say 'oh, well, I'll start over tomorrow" tell yourself "no, I'll start over when I have my next meal/snack". That change of mindset will help you keep one indulgence from becoming many.

That is one side. The other side is figuring out how to avoid or replace the indulgences until you get them down to a level of moderation. Planning is one strategy that works well. Getting the stuff out of your environment is one strategy. Setting a limit of x # of times in y period is another strategy. There are tons of ways to manage this and you just have to figure out what works for you and your lifestyle. If you tell us a bit more about what is tripping you up, we might be able to offer some ideas/strategies that might work for you. You are pretty new to this and you're going to hit many things that you have to work out strategies for. That's a skill too.

Big hugs and wishing you a day of on plan choices and feeling like you can do this because YOU CAN!

Peg

PS) Weight loss is simple but never easy. Bums me out too but you have the power and you can do it!
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Old 07-18-2009, 05:13 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by p7eggyc View Post
I encourage you to start trying to get it down to the smallest of all increments, the food in front of you right now. We are all going to have less than ideal foods at various times and this is one of the important skills. When you hear yourself say 'oh, well, I'll start over tomorrow" tell yourself "no, I'll start over when I have my next meal/snack". That change of mindset will help you keep one indulgence from becoming many.Peg
you know, I read this and just had the funniest reaction. I've been dieting on and off for probably close to 25 years, and I totally think in day increments. it's so logical and makes so much more sense to think "my next meal/snack"

I love that, thank you, Pam.
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Old 07-18-2009, 06:31 PM   #9
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Let's say you are driving to work and your gas light comes on. You need to get gas, but you don't FEEL like it. Maybe it's chilly outside and you don't want to stand by the gas pump. Maybe you're just tired and you just want to go home. It's a hassle and a pain, and you just don't feel like getting gas!

Since you don't want to run out of gas, you get gas anyway - no matter how tired you are. No matter how cold you are.

Weight loss is like that - you do it, no matter what. You might be able to put it off for a day (maybe it's a nice dinner out with family), but eventually you MUST do it.

Make healthy eating a part of your life just like brushing your teeth, paying taxes, flossing and getting gas. Annoying, but necessary. But, when you make a list of everything you have to do for a day, don't you feel good about yourself? Ordered and responsible? Following a healthy plan makes me feel good about myself - not just how the good food makes my body feel, but the sticking to something so responsibly. I feel like I have accomplished something special.
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Last edited by Glory87 : 07-18-2009 at 06:33 PM.
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Old 07-18-2009, 06:46 PM   #10
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Another great post Glory. Thank you for posting that.

OP, I am glad you are addressing this now instead of +25 pounds or more up the road. RRobin is so right--this is in YOUR control.
P7Eggy is right too. If you will tell us more about your trigger times and what you are having issues with, we might be able to pull together something to address specific trip up times for you.

Visit 3FC and visit us often. Remember, every single bite is a choice. When you catch yourself thinking about blowing a whole day since you have had one poor choice, remind yourself that you don't have to wait until tomorrrow to jump back on board. The healthier choices--it starts right that very moment.
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Old 07-18-2009, 06:54 PM   #11
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when you eat something off plan, just cut it off right there. If you're driving on a road and you cross the yellow line, do you think, "Well I've blown it now, may as well drive off this cliff!" Of course not, so why would it be ANY different with food? You can pull yourself out of the habit of crashing and burning every time you slip.

BTW, there are lots and lots of wonderful people (my husband and parents included) who are only children, and they do just fine. There are advantages and disadvantages to having any number of children, kids deal fine with their individual circumstances, so don't have another baby because you feel guilty not having one.
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Old 07-19-2009, 10:28 AM   #12
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thank you all so much for the kick in the butt that i needed. I've been making excuses instead of doing what i know i need to do. your support means alot to me. It seems like one day of mess ups leads to 2-3 weeks of mess ups, but i had a really good day yesterday and feel that i'm back on track.
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Old 07-19-2009, 10:28 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonwoman64 View Post
you know, I read this and just had the funniest reaction. I've been dieting on and off for probably close to 25 years, and I totally think in day increments. it's so logical and makes so much more sense to think "my next meal/snack"

I love that, thank you, Pam.
Yeah! Glad it was helpful!

Peg
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