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Old 07-11-2009, 11:43 PM   #1
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Unhappy Heavy Hubby?

So losing weight is hard enough on its own. However, I also have a heavy hubby. I don't know how much he weights, but it's over 330 and he's below average height.

I love him and I have two concerns.

a)being around his bad eating habits is impacting me
b)I'm terrified that he'll be dead before age 45.

Any advice? He knows he needs to lose weight and when he wants to do it, he loses 7lbs/week. But right now, he doesn't want to, and he's just gaining and gaining. In terms of physical attraction, it doesn't bother me. However, I think it affects his libido and his general mood. He's grumpy all summer because of how hot he gets.

My biggest concern is losing him too soon. I can't help also thinking that if he really loved me, he would make this commitment - be healthy and have a long life with me. I know that's crazy - but it creeps in there.
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Old 07-12-2009, 12:42 AM   #2
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If you feel he would be receptive, I would have a heart to heart with him. Another idea too is that as you go along your own journey, to show him how yummy foods can be with some preparation and planning. Do you have access to a pool? Maybe some swimming together would be a nice activity to begin together.

You have every right to be concerned. I am w/you on the weight. Heavy weight guys don't bother me--but grumpy ones do!
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Old 07-12-2009, 12:59 AM   #3
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I agree with Thighs Be Gone, As usual!

If you think he'll listen, let him know that it is really important to you and why it is. When I began trying to lose weight, I outweighed my husband by about 30 pounds and he's about an inch taller. I just started eating healthier and since we usually eat together (He was skinny when we met. ), it was just natural for him to eat healthier too.

Of course, being a man he dropped 20 pounds effortlessly, while I struggled for all the 35 I've lost and then he began slowly eating more burgers and such and still lost another 5 pounds! Grr. Anyways, I still outweigh him by a bit, but we're both a lot healthier and happier!

Good luck to you and your hubby, good for you for getting started!

I starting losing weight on January 13th, 2009. After losing 30 pounds, I gave up, and gained back all the weight I lost plus 20 pounds. Restarted March 29th, 2010.

Motivate Your Mind. Train Your Body. Invigorate Your Soul.
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Old 07-12-2009, 01:59 AM   #4
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isn't it funny how men and women think so differently. My SO is not heavy, but he is TONS of bad habits.

Whereas, I want to scream at him and say


So much more so because my mom lost my dad after only 26 years of marriage. I was 26 when he died at 52. And seeing my mom lonely really drives it deeper inside of my heart.

But sweetheart let me tell you something! You do NOT want to nag at the man. He will shut you off and NEVER take your advice if you do that. A good way to handle it is SHARE your healthy food with him. Find healthy food and cook it for the two of you.

Say, do you want to have dinner with me darling? Hand him healthy snacks. Offer him a multivitamin if you are taking one.

but please don't pick at him, or point out his weight as a motivation for him to lose weight.

Guys are fixers. They love to fix/do stuff for us. Solve our problems. If he becomes part of the problem-he loses all sense of self and becomes withdrawn.

Then you can't reach him.

Hugs to you. Also pray for him to be motivated to lose weight.
John 1:12 King James Version (KJV)
12 But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:
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Old 07-12-2009, 02:09 AM   #5
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Wow, I have a heavy husband, too. Mine is 370 and 6'0". He is muscular, but also carries a lot of fat. One thing that worked with mine a few years ago when I was on Weight Watchers was buying WW carrot cake. It was totally inadvertant, but he started eating the cake and I told him that I was spending money for ME to get thin and that if he wanted to eat the cake, he had to join WW. He did join and lost 50 pounds in about six months.

I think the partnership, the "special" food, and seeing me do it first motivated him. At the end of the day, though, you can only get yourself healthy. He has to want to do it. Little things, like making fabulous "diet" meals and taking him for a walk may help.
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Old 07-12-2009, 07:20 AM   #6
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My husband is not heavy, but I AM and my husband motivated me to lose weight so I can tell you how he helped me.

He started by getting rid of junk food in the house. I would buy it, he would find it and toss it. Chips? Gone. Cookies? Gone. I cook all the food in the house and when I asked him what he wants for dinner he would say "Grilled chicken and asparagus" or something like that, really healthy requests all the time.

What I think really worked is that he constantly talked to me about HIS health. How HE needs to eat healthy, how HE needs to establish good eating habits, etc. He put so much focus on his health and refused to be dragged down by my sloth that I had no choice but to follow.

On the emotional front he would approach me at non-dangerous times and tell me how much he loves me and he doesn't want to see me in the hospital when we're old, and how he wants us to be active together, blah blah blah. To tell the truth it motivated me to see a therapist and that is what ultimately made me face my eating disorder.

I agree that nagging does not work. If you want to help him, make HIM help YOU change your lifestyle. Plead the victim and he may become your knight. Tell him I CAN'T HAVE ICE CREAM IN THE HOUSE, DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?? IT'S TOO HARD FOR ME!!!! What's hard about this is that you have to disconnect with him in some form - you cannot allow yourself to be influenced by his eating habits and once he sees that you won't eat with him anymore he may start to change things around.

"If you pay attention to when you are hungry, what your body wants, what you are eating, when you've had enough, you end the obsession because obsession and awareness cannot coexist." - Geneen Roth
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Old 07-12-2009, 09:01 AM   #7
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Nagging never worked for my hubby either. Both of us were morbidly obese and I wanted to lose, and he didn't. He was very threatened by my efforts when I did start. I had stopped nagging him, and just cooked healthy food for both of us. Several months in, after we'd discussed how I was eating foods I loved and being successful, he decided to give it a try. Right now he's maintaining a 50 pound weight loss! (he could lose more, but hey, we've made a lot of progress and both of us realize how hard this is!)

My 5 C's of healthy living: Commitment to conscious control, with the understanding that choices have consequences
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Old 07-12-2009, 12:58 PM   #8
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My fiance is heavy. He is not morbidly obese, but he probably needs to lose 50 pounds. When he wants to lose weight, it just falls off of him, but he won't give up his candy, soda, and fast food lunches. My hope is that as he sees me being healthier and healthier and as I continue to prepare healthy dinners for us, that he will decide to try.
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Old 07-12-2009, 01:07 PM   #9
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Maybe he will be motivated to do something for himself when he sees you shrinking, eating yummy food, not being deprived, gaining energy, becoming gorgeous and happier with yourself?
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Old 07-13-2009, 09:23 AM   #10
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Wow, that's really a tricky topic! This article has some practical tips on how a wife can "ease" her husband into losing weight and becoming fit. I think the only way to do it without starting WW III is to make it about YOU. Convince him that you need his help to improve your health. You need him to walk with you to be sure that you do it. You need him to plan healthy meals with you to be sure that you stick to your plan. Make him the "hero" that saves the day for you!
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Old 07-13-2009, 06:52 PM   #11
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My husband is a big guy to begin with, and getting laid off from his job (computer tech) has really added to the problem. Left to his own devices, when he doesn't have job interviews he plunks himself down in front of a screen (computer or TV) and doesn't move for hours on end. And his eating habits--YIKES!!!!

When I started getting myself on track, I did everything short of slapping duct tape across my mouth to keep from getting on his case, or even hinting. I did tell him that I couldn't take the pain in my knees anymore and was going to change my eating habits. He's seen me hobbling around pitifully for a long time, so, even though *he* was eating pretty much the same as usual, he was completely supportive of my efforts. He does a lot of the cooking and grocery shopping since he's been laid off, and I've been amazed at the pains he's taken to make sure that I have what I need to stay on plan, or that what he cooks isn't buried in cheese or swimming in oil. I've even seen him making stabs at portion control himself, and he's been using a lot of those steamer bags of vegetables when he makes dinner.

It's been a couple of weeks now. My knees are 'way better, I'm feeling better, looking better, etc. Tonight, when I was putting on my sneakers to work out in the basement, he says, nochalantly (drum roll, please) , "Oh! Be sure to put the weights on the" (whatever the he** the name of that machine is) "back to where you had them before you start. Sorry, I forgot to do it when I got done with my workout."

Don't you just love happy beginnings???
Beware of mental obsessions and thoughts that think themselves.
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Old 07-13-2009, 06:56 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by cynnymynn View Post
...It's been a couple of weeks now. My knees are 'way better, I'm feeling better, looking better, etc. ...
Don't you just love happy beginnings???
Just wait another couple of weeks and you'll see even more results! I started off the same way, my knees were so achy from carrying around all this extra weight. After about 3-4 weeks my knees have never felt better!!!!

"If you pay attention to when you are hungry, what your body wants, what you are eating, when you've had enough, you end the obsession because obsession and awareness cannot coexist." - Geneen Roth
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