Which to address first-emotional eating or sticking to eating plan?

[Truffle]

Originally Posted by Kery

I've had serious issues with emotional eating last year, and I found out that counting calories triggered/increased them, whereas other kinds of 'plans' worked better, since they made me focus on food too but in a different way. But again, it probably depends on the person.

There's a lot of great advice in this thread, that's for sure.

The problem for me is that counting calories, following Weight Watchers--anything "diet-y" like that--makes things WORSE. It makes me obsess all the more, which isn't helpful.

I'm trying to let food go back to being "in the background", something I don't give a lot of thought to unless I'm hungry. Weighing, measuring, tracking, and keeping a food diary all seem to mess with my head more by keeping my mind busy worrying about whether or not something will put me over my calories, will I be able to fit this in, etc.

The minute I try to restrict my eating in any way, whether it's by counting calories, doing low carb--it touches off some kind of "rebellion" thing in my mind, and I eat all the more.

I seem to do better with an "intuitive eating" or non-diet approach, and staying off the scale, but the weight loss is extremely slow (and not consistent) with that, and I usually end up worrying that I'll NEVER lose anything that way, or else I let somebody else's excitement about following an eating plan spill over onto me, then I try it, and blow it, and end up feeling worse than ever.

This is a terrible thing to have gotten stuck in, that's for sure.

Thanks for all the replies and suggestions here!

[Madison]

I understand how you are feeling Becky, have you thought about the foods that you will and wont eat?

[TJFitnessDiva]

I'm an emotional eater but have cut it down considerably. I did start on the Core plan with WW (they don't have it anymore) to get on track with healthy eating then started keeping track of points later on too....I completely cleaned house, threw out most of my pantry and fridge and just started over. This helped me get rid of the things I knew I would just sit and eat when I got stressed.
I also started doing some sort of activity to help get rid of the stress...if I felt the urge to eat afterward I would grab baby carrots, grapes, peel an orange to eat, etc. Something filling but light on points.

It is something you are going to have to figure out with what will work for you but don't let the emotional eating be an excuse

[Madison]

Tanee makes a good point The reality is you will have to change the way you eat, and what you eat .. . I fought it for a long time but its not as scary as it feels

[rockinrobin]

Originally Posted by Truffle

There's a lot of great advice in this thread, that's for sure.

The problem for me is that counting calories, following Weight Watchers--anything "diet-y" like that--makes things WORSE. It makes me obsess all the more, which isn't helpful.

I'm trying to let food go back to being "in the background", something I don't give a lot of thought to unless I'm hungry. Weighing, measuring, tracking, and keeping a food diary all seem to mess with my head more by keeping my mind busy worrying about whether or not something will put me over my calories, will I be able to fit this in, etc.

The minute I try to restrict my eating in any way, whether it's by counting calories, doing low carb--it touches off some kind of "rebellion" thing in my mind, and I eat all the more.

I seem to do better with an "intuitive eating" or non-diet approach, and staying off the scale, but the weight loss is extremely slow (and not consistent) with that, and I usually end up worrying that I'll NEVER lose anything that way, or else I let somebody else's excitement about following an eating plan spill over onto me, then I try it, and blow it, and end up feeling worse than ever.

This is a terrible thing to have gotten stuck in, that's for sure.

Thanks for all the replies and suggestions here!

The thing is that for lots of us, intuitive eating is what got us to be overweight in the first place. My intuition tells me to eat, eat and eat. That's what an emotional eater does. Turns to food at the first sign of well - almost anything.

You say that you "worry" using this "method" and that counting calories or WW also makes you "worry" and obsess.

Eating well, eating healthy DOES require some thought. It won't/can't happen on it's own. Leaving it up in the air, letting the cards fall where they may - again, that's why most of us are here.

Things that matter, things that are IMPORTANT - they DO require advanced planning and thought. It's not obsessing - it's doing what is REQUIRED. What's NECESSARY. I wouldn't leave my finances up in the air. I may overspend my money, go overboard with credit cards and be MAJORLY screwed. My children, my family - I need to always know what's going on with them. My job, my work - I can't just let it run on it's own. It requires an ongoing effort. If I slack off - I'll be fired.

You also mention that you can't do anything diet-y. That's also why lots of us here have decided to quit dieting and change our lifestyles instead. We eat healthy foods that provide us with slim, trim, fit and healthy bodies. We now eat carefully, mindfully and responsibly. By tracking/monitoring our food intake - that's the mature, responsible, sensible thing to do.

I think you may have to decide what you want the MOST. You really can't have it both ways. You also have to decide what you are WILLING to do to make this work. Two often tossed around quotes" "The definition of insanity - doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result". "If you want what you do not have, you must do what you have not done."

If you want this very, very badly, you'll definitely find a way to make it work and won't allow any, not a single excuse to stand in your way. You'll do whatever healthy measures it takes.

[jendiet]

I'm probably going to get yelled at...but I feel your pain. Counting calories makes me mad literally. I sit there and tally up my total. Then my mind actually goes like this:

"see that you got 200 calories left, you can break that up into 4 and have 4 50 calorie snacks. That means you can eat one cookie. Or you can have 1/2 banana, or you can have an apple." something along those lines...it's like I couldn't just let those 200 calories be a deficit. I'd have to use them or I'd go mad. I would constantly be thinking about it...carrying a little notebook around with me. And this does work. In my more obsessive days while I was dealing with 2 eating disorders. I kept a log very very detailed. I ate 1800 cs. I was an avid exerciser. I had a line for my expenditure and a line for what I took in. I kept a daily deficit log. IF I went over one day, I'd make it up over the next few...or something like that--and there's nothing wrong with that because you are trying to create a deficit in whichever way is most comfortable for you. Every successful diet plan DEMANDS a deficit. And you have heard that a 3500 cs. deficit = 1lb loss.

I have found though after many restarts of this type of plan--it just makes me more upset about being on a diet. And if I plan on that 50 calorie snack--I end up eating more than the 50 cs. Then the feeling of failure comes over me. that one cookie becomes 2. All of the time I spent calculating and thinking about food--could have been used on other things.

I have come up with electronic logs. I like WW better than calorie counting because it is less tedious. I kept spreadsheets of everything. As long as I logged everything religiously--I could tally it up immediately.

But everytime I ate, I would look at what I ate the day before, I would plan what I would eat at dinner. What I'd eat the next day, and so forth. I couldn't live like that. I am too spontaneous a person.

eventually I got burnt out. I think you have to find what works for you. I found a plan that worked for me--fast 5, and ADF. I don't think about food all day. I actually enjoy that. I spend more time looking for things around the house to do. When it is time to eat. I enjoy the spontanaeity of being able to pick something not planned out. I know as long as I eat reasonably I won't undo my hard work. For me seeing results keeps me motivated. Plus, I see the results of my body using it's own stores while I am not eating. The scale and the tape measurer also confirm the success. Now, I spend more time looking in the mirror then I do at a calorie log. and That's how I like it. The fast 5 is not a very low calorie diet. I ate about 1200 cs yesterday. But during the day I did not eat so that my body was forced to burn my fat stores for fuel. I still created a deficit though. Also--to me the fast 5--is not my lifestyle--but a tool to lose weight. Also to maintain. For me a diet is that a diet--not a lifestyle. The lifestyle is eating healthier and learning from my past mistakes. Not living by a calorie counter.

Eventually of course I have to figure what I can eat to maintain and I plan to use the WW system-to get the pattern right.-but by that time I will be so super motivated by my weight loss-I know I will stick to it. I too am tired of being fat. And can't stand it for even one more day. That determination will get you results.

I said all that to tell you--I understand the overwhelming feelings of constantly thinking of food and how calorie counting seems to enhance it.

I found something that works for me. We all have to do that. I encourage you to not try to get boxed in by what others deem the correct way to diet. It may not be correct for you!

[Thighs Be Gone]

RR--always the voice of reality. Thank you!

[Thighs Be Gone]

As for the calorie counting--I almost find it a game. I have always been a foodie. I love food. I love preparing food. My first job as a teen was at a grocery store and I guess my love for food began well before then. I love buying new things and creating something I have never had.

What I have changed is learning what works in my body. I am truly interested in learning more about food and it has become one of my hobbies over the years. Now though, instead of only being concerned with the way something tastes, I also concern myself with what it does for me once it is digested. I have learned about the superfoods and the power of whole foods. I never cease being blown away by the amount of them I can have over processed items. I never cease being amazed how wonderful my whole food options are--how there are very few items I have not found satisfactory replacements for. I monitor how I feel after different indulgences. I track my weight and activity as well as foods to understand my patterns.

I do not consider myself obsessed--just learning what I should have years and years ago--how to properly care for myself and my body and learning how to respect my own boundaries and love what God has given me. I hope to one day understand and "intutively" know how to feed and care for myself. Not now though--health wise I am still in my infancy.

[ennay]

It makes me obsessy too. And ride it out. That's why for me it was important to commit to the TRACKING. I didnt set a firm set in stone calorie budget. I refuse to be at the end of a day and starving and say "oh well, I'm out of calories" I have a target range, I commit to the tracking. I got rebellious and bingy for awhile, but by simply committing to the tracking it really stopped the whole thing much better than anything else.

I stopped tracking and well...my ticker tells it all, nearly 20 lbs regained "intuitively eating". I went through a 2 week stretch of intuitively eating only healthy food. I was POSITIVE I was on a good stretch. Then one morning I decided from memory to track the day before. 2700 calories. All healthy food.

Even after years of doing this. If I dont write it down, I have "another healthy snack" and another.

[LisaF]

Originally Posted by Truffle

The problem for me is that counting calories, following Weight Watchers--anything "diet-y" like that--makes things WORSE. It makes me obsess all the more, which isn't helpful.

I'm trying to let food go back to being "in the background", something I don't give a lot of thought to unless I'm hungry. Weighing, measuring, tracking, and keeping a food diary all seem to mess with my head more by keeping my mind busy worrying about whether or not something will put me over my calories, will I be able to fit this in, etc.

The minute I try to restrict my eating in any way, whether it's by counting calories, doing low carb--it touches off some kind of "rebellion" thing in my mind, and I eat all the more.

Oh, I know exactly what you mean - I am the exact same way! I've gotten better, but still, the idea of counting calories (or points or carbs or...) for the rest of my life makes me start twitching. I have a history of emotional eating as well, so I suspect we may be coming from the same place about it.

A couple of years ago, when I decided to give weight loss another shot, I sat down and thought about all of the things about dieting that make me miserable, and then decided I wasn't going to do them this time around. I wanted to find something I could do for the rest of my life, something that would be easy for me to sustain and that I could be happy with. Since counting, weighing, and measuring were right at the top of the misery list, I needed to find a different way. It meant changing my approach to food and eating, and it took work, but it is so worth it.

Here's what worked for me:
When I first got serious about losing, I decided to cut out whole categories of food. For me, that meant no fast food, no deep fried food, no junk food, no "real" desserts (but definitely yes to diet desserts). I limited my snacks to things like fruits, veggies, nuts, cheese, and yogurt. The reason this worked for me is that I had a lot of trouble having just one cookie or french fry or pretzel (etc.) It was so much easier to say no altogether, and not to even have the first one, than it was to have one and then try to stop. Plus, it's mentally and emotionally easier for me to have a lot of flexibility within the categories of food I can eat. I can't deal with feeling bound to eat according to a laid-out menu, but I can easily deal with choosing one out of a whole bunch of acceptable snacks.

I don't wish to imply that I completely ignore calories and fats. I do things like check a restaurant's website to find out the healthier choices. But I think of that as just having the information, not being part of a plan that rules me. And while I don't regularly measure things, I've done it on occasion to learn what one portion looks like. But again, that's about having the information I need to make the best choices.

Now, here's the most important thing:
Willpower can only get you so far. I truly and firmly believe that willpower has its place, but you cannot depend on a strong will to keep yourself in line for the rest of your life. What willpower is great for is giving you the time and space to develop new habits. First you get used to the idea of an apple for a snack, then you start to accept that as the new normal, and eventually it is normal. And that time when you're depending on your willpower to firmly tell yourself, "no, I cannot eat that," is the time in which you're adjusting to your new normal.

Now here's the awesome part:
It is no longer a struggle for me to eat healthily. I never, ever, believed that this could happen, but it did. (And it was something of a shock when I first realized it was happening - if you're curious, I wrote about it here.) These days, it's just normal for me. And the other part I never expected is that now I can have just one fry, or half a cookie, or a sliver of cake, and feel completely satisfied with it. It's not that I try to convince myself that I've had enough; it's that I HAVE had enough. This also means that I can be at a birthday party or a pot luck and not feel deprived, and when I do have what I want I don't feel like I'm out of control or doing something wrong.

There are definitely still times when I need to remind myself that the only problem food can solve is hunger. There are definitely still times when I feel the impulse to try to fix a bad mood with chocolate. But there are far, far fewer of them and they've gotten a lot easier to deal with. Part of that is that they've gotten a lot easier to identify - if I feel the sudden need for chocolate, I can recognize that it's not a normal thing for me, and then ask myself where the craving is coming from. Once I recognize the stress for what it is and figure out what's causing it, I try to figure out what actually might help, because food's not going to do it.

I don't know that what I'm doing will work for anyone else. We've all got our own issues, and I think that for me, part of being successful was trying to work within the framework of those issues rather than ignoring them or trying to fix them. That they did get fixed (at least, to a large degree) is an unexpected joy, but it wasn't part of my goal.

All of this is to say: It is absolutely possible to lose weight without counting and without making yourself into a crazy neurotic. It takes work, but then, any eating change is going to take work. You just need to figure out what kind of work you are capable of doing.

Lisa

[Onederchic]

Originally Posted by rockinrobin

If you want this very, very badly, you'll definitely find a way to make it work and won't allow any, not a single excuse to stand in your way. You'll do whatever healthy measures it takes.

I agree with this completely. I use to give myself excuse after excuse when really I was the only thing holding me back from accomplishing my goals. No more excuses for me ever . Now I take responsibility for my own life and if I succeed or fail, I am the only cause for that.

[Truffle]

Originally Posted by jendiet

I'm probably going to get yelled at...but I feel your pain.

I said all that to tell you--I understand the overwhelming feelings of constantly thinking of food and how calorie counting seems to enhance it.

I found something that works for me. We all have to do that. I encourage you to not try to get boxed in by what others deem the correct way to diet. It may not be correct for you!

Not getting boxed in by what others think is the correct way to do this is the conclusion I reached this morning.

They say not to start anything that you don't think you can continue for the rest of your life, and believe me, I could not/would not count calories/record them, etc. for the rest of my life, so something else is going to have to be the way for me...

Thank you for all the great replies in this thread. Lots to think about.

[rockinrobin]

Originally Posted by Truffle

Not getting boxed in by what others think is the correct way to do this is the conclusion I reached this morning.

They say not to start anything that you don't think you can continue for the rest of your life, and believe me, I could not/would not count calories/record them, etc. for the rest of my life, so something else is going to have to be the way for me...

I too resisted counting for years. Until I was sick and tired enough of being soooo miserable. I was at that point WILLING to give anything a try.

I'm not trying to convince you of anything. Really, I'm not, because I do think it really is a very individual thing and I think we all need to figure out what will - and won't work for each of us.

I know it seems alien and foreign, but honestly when you get used to the counting it's quite easy, shmeazy. I know the calorie counts of everything that I'm eating now. All my breakfasts, lunches, dinners and snacks all have similar calorie counts. They are all interchangable. All the work has been done a long time ago.

There's also the fake it till you make it mentality. You can always give it a try. Who knows? You may get hooked and realize how freeing it is, and like me wonder why in the world you didn't do it years and years earlier.

All the best.

[Nuxmaga]

For some people it is calorie counting actually is obsessing--if you have OCD. I resisted calorie counting for a long time because I wasn't in treatment for my OCD, and it did truly consume my life when I tried tracking my food. OCD goes beyond planning and helpful rules, into the need for absolute certainty, the anxious thought that I'm not doing it exactly right, so I must keep checking the numbers, keep thinking about it, going over it in my mind to the exclusion of anything else. I started Exposure and Response Therapy(ERP) for my OCD--and I treat calorie counting as an "exposure"--I expose myself to the thought that I may not be accounting for every calorie exactly right, and practice tolerating the anxiety until it subsides. Doing ERP with a therapist is one of the best things I ever did for my peace of mind, and ability to actually do things rather than spend all my time in my head.

[rachinma]

On one hand, I feel like counting and tracking and measuring is really disordered eating behavior. But, when I don't do this, I have the propensity to overeat on healthy foods. I tried Weight Watchers once and the facilitator was talking about the Core program and said, "No one is going to overeat on plain oatmeal..." Wanna bet?

So, now I track. I don't love doing it, but it's OK. I don't think I'll do it the rest of my life, but it does make a HUGE difference in my case.