Originally Posted by nooch
I can't see them ever not bothering me because no matter what the words are, the meaning behind it is still a moral judgment.
I can't say that the comments NEVER bother me, but I can say that they very rarely do, even if the person means it as a moral judgement. To be hurt or offended I have to agree with the person (believe in that judgement, at least a little bit) or respect the person's opinion to be offended by it. If I consider the opinion stupid or crazy, or the person saying it not worthy of my respect, offense just doesn't really seem the appropriate response.
For example, if someone came up to me, and made a comment about my wearing glasses, shocked and offended (and accusing me of being immoral because I wear glasses) it wouldn't bother me, because I'd think the person was a crackpot for thinking that wearing glasses was offensive.
Likewise, if someone came up to me and accused me of being or working with the antichrist (when I worked in a hospital mental ward, this happened to me - when a patient saw my unicorn necklace and informed me that it was a symbol of the devil), am I supposed to be offended?
It's socially accepted, even expected in our culture to lay blame on people for being overweight, but I don't have to accept that, just as I don't have to accept any messages of our culture. I get to make my own rules for myself.
And my rule is that it's silly, even crazy to judge a person based on their weight issues. So, if someone accuses me of being fat, I'm actually more likely to laugh as to feel hurt. But it's a bit like someone "accusing" me of liking the color blue. They may mean it as an insult (as I sometimes do, kiddingly to people who like the color pink), but I don't have to take it as an insult. "So what if I like the color blue?" You're either crazy or an idiot if you think I'm supposed to be "hurt" or supposed to agree with you, if you think I'm bad for liking the color blue.
There's just no point in being offended by idiots and crazy people, or people whose opinion I don't agree with or respect enough to be offended by. Even well-meant advice won't offend me, because the crazy/stupid component still applies. If someone tells me that I really should be talking to the aliens from outer space, and they have the high commander's phone number to give me, I may smile and take the phone number (and throw it in the trash at the nearest opportunity), but I'm not going to be offended by their advice (because it's crazy).
And the stupid/crazy doesn't have to be big, like the above examples for me to be bullet-proof when it comes to insults or unwelcome advice. The person can have "good advice" that I just don't agree with. I get to make the decisions for my life, and advice whether well-intended or meant as an insult doesn't have to "hurt" me, and in fact can't hurt me unless I allow it.
It isn't easy to learn not to allow it, but it gets easier and easier as you practice.