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HELP! How do I support my friend?

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Old 06-28-2009, 01:42 PM   #1
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Default HELP! How do I support my friend?

My best friend and I are both trying to lose weight but are facing our battles separately. It has been a long time since I have seen her so motivated. For the past two months, she has been diligently hitting the gym 3-4 times a week like a champ! However, despite all of her hard efforts in the gym, the girl is sabotaging herself with CRAPPY food.

She was at my place for a bbq the other night. She promised herself she'd only eat one hot dog but instead devoured three, and inhaled a hamburger to boot.

We saw a movie the following evening with our boyfriends. She joked about how full she still was from the bbq... joked while holding a Wendy's hamburger and fries! And she had a slushy too.

I love my friend TO DEATH!!!! I don't want to see her fail. I know she wants this, but I think she needs a little guidance and support.

What do I do? Can I do anything?

(OBVIOUSLY I'm going to direct her to 3 Fat Chicks, but what else?)
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Old 06-28-2009, 02:17 PM   #2
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MYOB. Her body, her mouth, her problem.
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Old 06-28-2009, 02:31 PM   #3
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Do you compare amounts lost? If you do, and if you've lost more, that might be one way of pointing out the difference in what you eat.
Otherwise, you might just have to sit her down and say it straight out - but that takes a lot of courage and preparation, because she probably won't like it, it could be a fiery conversation!

All credit to you for wanting to help.
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Old 06-28-2009, 02:36 PM   #4
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Well, she obviously hasn't figured out yet that weight loss is mostly about the food. I wouldn't say anything to her unless she complains about not losing weight even though she's been working out. That gives you an opening to say, "You know, you have to restrict your food to lose weight. Exercise alone won't do it." And then be quiet!

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Old 06-28-2009, 02:44 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ailidh View Post
Do you compare amounts lost? If you do, and if you've lost more, that might be one way of pointing out the difference in what you eat.
Otherwise, you might just have to sit her down and say it straight out - but that takes a lot of courage and preparation, because she probably won't like it, it could be a fiery conversation!

All credit to you for wanting to help.
My best friend knew me when I was at my biggest 20 lbs ago. But only recently has my friend - who has been a skinny most of her life - had to face the weight battle. So I know a thing or two more than her that I'd like to share. What's holding me back is what MariaMaria said: MYOB.


Thanks for your responses you two! They are both equally as helpful. Now, my head will continue spinning.
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Old 06-28-2009, 02:47 PM   #6
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Oh and thanks Jay!
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Old 06-28-2009, 02:50 PM   #7
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I don't think you can do anything other than setting a good example.
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Old 06-28-2009, 02:58 PM   #8
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Words will NEVER sway a person. Lead by example.
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Old 06-28-2009, 06:29 PM   #9
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I totally agree with bargoo. Sometimes lack of discipline can lead to something not good especially if what we are dealing with is our own health.
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Old 06-29-2009, 04:25 PM   #10
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Unless she looks to you for advice and wants your personal opinion, I really wouldn't try to coach her. That could just lead to issues between you two. If you guys ever have a lunch date or go for a picnic together, she'll see what you are eating and maybe follow by example.
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Old 06-29-2009, 06:41 PM   #11
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I have a friend JUST like yours. I swear he was sabotaging me for a while. He'll come over tell me he just got back from the gym then say "let's order a pizza!"

I used to give in but now I'll say no I'm making dinner but you are welcome to join us. Sometimes he stays and other times he doesn't. There was a time he'd come over with food for everyone and I had to say thanks for dinner but I'm trying to eat healthier please don't bring fast food over for me. He's stopped. I think cuz he sees I've lost over 20 and he's only lost like 5 he's starting to notice that he has to actually start cooking for himself... lol.

Just keep what you are doing- eventually she'll ask your "secret" and you can tell her "no fast food" or whatever.
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Old 06-29-2009, 06:57 PM   #12
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It's almost impossible to give any unsolicited criticism without it backfiring, especially regarding weight loss. If you're blunt, she'll feel attacked, and if you try to be subtle or compassionate, she'll feel you're being condescending.

What you can do (but if you can't be sincere, you shouldn't try this unless you're a very good actor), is to talk about yourself in a way she might identify with (and if you're not a good actor and it's obvious you're really talking about them and not yourself - ooh that's worse and more destructive than being blunt).

"I was really disappointed that I didn't lose any (or more) weight this week - I did well with exercise, but not so well with my diet. Sometimes I forget that I can't lose weight by exercise alone."

"You've got to try this (insert healthy food option) it tastes so good, and only has (insert calorie count here).
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