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Old 06-09-2009, 03:52 PM   #1  
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Angry Somedays

So here’s the problem. I'm fat. I don't like my body. No matter how much weight I lose I'm still going to look in the mirror and be upset. I hate my legs most of all. They are so big and I hate my knees. Yes I said that right. They bow in and they are so ugly. I NEVER wear shorts!! I'm just so down right now it's like I feel so defeated by this weight thing. I look at other girls and wish I had legs like that. I know I shouldn't but I feel like God said " Okay I'm going to make Tiera fat and make her have weight issues her whole life" and looked at the girl next to me and said "I'm going to make this girl skinny with beautiful everything." It's like there are people who never have to just work out a day of their life and have perfect bodies. But it's not just that. They have perfect hair, skin, teeth, AND their beautiful too. Ugh I'm so freakin aggravated! I'm sorry but I like my junk food. I can't live off diets and fruits and vegetables, yes they’re great and all, but geeze!! SO ... if anyone feels like this some days please share. I'm so depressed and I don't know how to overcome it! HELP!
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Old 06-09-2009, 03:59 PM   #2  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bossmare
No matter how much weight I lose I'm still going to look in the mirror and be upset.
Well... Sounds to me like you've put yourself in a no-win situation, bossmare. I don't think I can help you with that.

At some point you'll have to come to terms with being who you are in the body you have--otherwise you are likely just to stay miserable.

Or maybe it's just a form of excuse--like, you hate how you look anyway, so why not just eat junk food?

No one can stop you but you.

I hope you find an answer...

Jay

Last edited by JayEll; 06-09-2009 at 03:59 PM.
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Old 06-09-2009, 04:10 PM   #3  
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Good answer from JayEll.
I am sorry you feel that way but look, even the "beautiful" girls are not happy with their appearance. But you may never know that. Even the beautiful girl with perfect teeth and perfect legs may wish for a smaller nose, blue eyes (instead of green) or fuller lips. Or bigger/smaller boobs.
I can't say that I don't understand how you feel but perhaps if you really have a hard time with your physical appearance and you cannot get yourself from your current mindset I would suggest you try counselling. Because you will have to accept yourself the way you are (minus the fat, of course). Because, unless you choose plastic surgery, there really is not much that you can do and the faster you come to acceptance with yourself the better for you. Not that it's easy and a fast process. Perhaps age helps. I, at almost 50, worry a lot less about my appearance than I used at 19.

Good luck.
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Old 06-09-2009, 04:14 PM   #4  
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You are correct. Most days I'm okay, but somedays I just feel so overwelmed. It usually passes .. I was just concerned if anyone else ever feels this way. It's like I have to constantly watch what I eat. I just want to eat without counting calories or worring about it. But who am I kidding ... that will never happen.
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Old 06-09-2009, 04:24 PM   #5  
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I definitely feel your pain, I can't go anywhere without envying other girls. I feel like even if I lose the weight, it won't make an ounce of a difference. I'll still be just "jenn". Ugh. Like magically I thought my self esteem would change and I would be beautiful or something. Just a side note, you are pretty in the picture (you don't need to be so hard on yourself). I don't have the answer myself either, but we are definitely in the same boat, it sucks...
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Old 06-09-2009, 04:26 PM   #6  
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i have those horrible self-pitying fat ugly days too. i imagine a lot of people do. i guess the trick is just to ride them out and then redouble your dedication and check your outlook once the storm passes.
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Old 06-09-2009, 04:34 PM   #7  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bossmare View Post
I just want to eat without counting calories or worring about it. .
I did that! I did that! I did that all the way up to 287 lbs.

Now I DO count my calories. I don't worry about them, but I am mindful and careful and responsible with them. I DO think about them. Big deal. Doing so provides me with a slim and trim body. And a closet full of size 4 and some size 2 clothing.

Seems to me you could either count your calories and be slim, or you could not count or *worry* about them and be miserable. The choice is yours.
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Old 06-09-2009, 04:35 PM   #8  
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Sometimes it just seems unfair ... but then again nothing is fair. My boyfriend and I are going to get married soon and as I mentioned before I want to wear that negligee with confidence on our honeymoon night. He tells me all the time how sexy I am, but I still feel so uncomfortable when he touches me. I want the sex to be great when were married, but how can that be if I don't feel sexy? I've always struggled and have been teased all my life, even though most of them are harmless jokes, it still hurts. You are also beautiful Jenn and thanks for your advice.
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Old 06-09-2009, 04:35 PM   #9  
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Perhaps age helps. I, at almost 50, worry a lot less about my appearance than I used at 19.
Ditto, this. What's really important is your self esteem, which at the end of the day, comes from the inside, not the outside, and comes from yourself, not in comparison to others.

I hope you find some peace with yourself. And ditto what another poster wrote -- you look really cute in your picture. For all you know, people are envying *you*.
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Old 06-09-2009, 04:49 PM   #10  
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I think most thin people work very hard to keep slim. Of course there are those few people blessed with fast metabolisms who never gain an ounce, but I don't think that's very many people. I lost weight several yeras ago and kept it off until I started college. I will say that I had to work to keep it off. I didn't just keeping eating junk food. Well, I did when I started college, hence the freshman 15....

I just hard in this culture (I'm assuming you live in the US) because everything is supersized and fatty. Sometimes I think american's have a skewed view of how much food is "a lot." (my self included) Don't let yourself get down! If you keep at it, you'll keep succeeding.
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Old 06-09-2009, 04:49 PM   #11  
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And ditto what another poster wrote -- you look really cute in your picture. For all you know, people are envying *you*.
This. I think it's so clear from the OP that this isn't about anything objective. You are clearly not ugly, and I'm sure even you realize these other girls are *NOT* perfect. That's just your mind creating polar opposites. Can you see that that just cannot be?
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Old 06-09-2009, 04:56 PM   #12  
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Bossmare (love that name BTW, do you have horses?), I think many if not all of us have days like that. Somedays I feel great about myself - all 270-something lbs of me. Other days I feel disgusting and not even worthy to leave the house. I think it is part of being a woman in this society that glorifies perfection. I oogle the tiny little things as much as anyone, and even envy their shape, but I try to remember that what appears perfect on the outside can be a hot mess on the inside!

As far as your self consciousness with your man, that may just take time. I've been married for almost 10 years and still sometimes find myself covering up. Again, it is day to day, sometimes I step out of the shower buck naked and walk right up and give him a kiss. Other days I make him turn the lights off when we get frisky. I have to say though that after ten years I am much more comfortable bearing it all than in the beginning.

Just know that you are not the only one feeling this. It is not fair that we have to struggle to feel good about ourselves. Keep going with your plan and do not let life's setbacks hold you back - you can do it!
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Old 06-09-2009, 05:06 PM   #13  
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I think you are just going to have to work hard at loving yourself- I know that sounds funny but it's true. You never know that girl next to you is probably thinking the same thing you are! Wishing she had your legs and so on.

And girl you are not ugly!
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Old 06-09-2009, 05:11 PM   #14  
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Now that I'm in my 40's, I don't worry as much about things like perfect knees. I think at some point, we need to just learn to get over ourselves and try to focus on the things that really MATTER. So your knees aren't pretty....do they work? Do they bend painlessly and carry you where you need to go? I used to hate my big legs and tall, strong body until the early morning that the drunk guy broke into my house and I had to fight him off, had to physically fight him to keep him from going down the hall to my son's bedroom. Believe me, when I was on the floor with my back against the sofa, kicking him away with my powerful legs, I was damn glad for the power and for my healthy knees. I think I might have even been grateful for my big feet for a few minutes.

Put things in perspective. Nobody's body is perfect, and anyway--why is it important that it should be? Why are we so focused on how we *look* as opposed to how healthy we are, and how productive we are in our society? Yes, I know women are judged on how we look. Know what I say? So what? We should be our best. Be healthy. Be strong. Be a contributing member of society. And either wear capri's or learn to appreciate your knees for the strong, healthy parts of your legs that they are.

For every girl that you are looking at with envy, there is most likely someone looking at you in the same way. It's hard to remember that sometimes, but it's true. We all have gifts and we all have flaws. It's just part of life.
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Old 06-09-2009, 05:12 PM   #15  
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I think you are just going to have to work hard at loving yourself- !
Yes, loving yourself and coming to terms with the fact that we are all, each and everyone of us - yourself included - not perfect - in any way, shape manner or form and that's perfectly OKAY. That's how it was MEANT to be, as that is how G-d made us. Striving/hoping/wishing for perfection is a huge waste of time. Of life itself. Celebrate and find joy in what you DO have, not what you don't.
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