I'm picking this concept up from something someone else mentioned in a thread and thought maybe people would be interested in discussing the thought. The idea that you're unattractive/plain/not beautiful regardless of how much you weigh, so what's the point? Even if you lost the weight, you'd still be Plain Jane. Maybe you used to be thin, so you know from experience you simply aren't in the upper 50 percent of natural looks. I'm not talking an unattractiveness that comes from poor self esteem, although that's certainly a factor for some, but more those who are introduced to blind dates as having "a great personality."
1. Health and fitness are reason enough. In fact many chickies around here are losing weight SOLELY for this reason alone.
2. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. While many in society have a common idea of what beauty looks like - not EVERYONE agrees. DH thinks I'm beautiful - society - not so much
3. I don't think you can discount the confidence issue. Confidence shines through. I adore the old Star Trek episode where the women change from "ugly" to "beautiful" when they take a placebo pill. There is a lot of truth in that episode.
4. True beauty shines "through" a person, from the inside out.
An improved physical appearance was not on my radar when I decided to lose weight. It was about quality of life - enjoying time with the people I love.
Last edited by CountingDown; 06-07-2009 at 04:27 PM.
Growing up I had an absolutely top 1% beautiful mother and very beautiful sister. My mother was a dead ringer for Marilyn Monroe. My sister was in all sorts of beauty contests. Great smile, perfect makeup and hair, perfect posture. Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous.
It was always my contention that she got all the looks and I got all the brains (except she was just as smart as I am, sigh). But for some reason people always got us confused and could never tell us apart. I figured that was just because we were only a year apart, same height, same build, same hair and eye color, same nose, same eyes, etc.
(Can you tell where this is going?)
Duh, the reason they couldn't tell us apart is because we looked almost exactly alike. There are several separate reasons I always thought I was hideously ugly when obese, then simply plain when merely slightly overweight...while my sister was drop-dead gorgeous...and not one of these reasons had any basis in reality.
I got all sorts of compliments about my appearance growing up, regardless of my weight, but I never believed any of them because they didn't come from my mother or sister and I always thought other people were probably just being nice or feeling sorry for me because I wasn't either of them. Well, in retrospect, I never gave my mother or sister any compliments either, because I assumed they knew how beautiful they were.
Of course they knew. However, I didn't. It colored my whole outlook. And I never once believed any compliment I ever received, ever ~ until within like the last six months to a year. I had to change enough on the inside for my brain to process what I see in the mirror.
It has taken me over 39 years to finally realize I'm not ugly. It's really all in your head. No matter what your facial features are or body shape is, still you should be doing your hair, nails, makeup and wearing nice clothes because IT'S ALL IN YOUR ATTITUDE.
Something I've posted before, and I only figured out in the last few months is, beautiful and perfect are NOT synonyms. You do not have to be perfect to be beautiful. Seriously; think of all the things in the world that you consider to be beautiful, like the ruins of a falling-down monastery, or a couple still holding hands at their 50th wedding anniversary, or a picture your child drew for you that's all lopsided and runny...are those things classically perfect? Of course not. But are they beautiful? Yes they are! I am certainly not perfect, but I finally realized I am beautiful. It's weird and nice all at the same time.
Ugly is an attitude and beautiful is an attitude. Just pick beautiful and live it, and seriously you will become it. Wish I'd known that back in high school; my life would have been A LOT different and I wouldn't have spent 15 years married to someone who wasn't worthy of me.
DCHound, I know exactly what you mean, although my circumstances were different. I was convinced I was ugly up until about a year ago... I think the reason for me was how my family commented on the weight all the time, and said "you would be so pretty if you lost weight." Regardless of what they meant, when I was young this automatically meant: overweight = ugly. I also got made fun of a lot in grade school, but who didn't. Anyways. The turning point for me actually, was the internet. I would go on a lot of social sites, where you put pictures and information about your personality and whatnot, and to my disbelief I would periodically become in the top 10 out of say, 10,000 girls. At first I thought it was just because I was photogenic and took pictures in all the right angles, but then I got daring and showed that I was a big girl. When I was still getting lots of positive feedback, it made me realize that my vision of myself was COMPLETELY warped.
When I was 15 and 16 and up, people would tell me I was so pretty all the time, but I never believed them, I thought they were just pittying the fat girl. Now I feel kind of sad that I had to go through most of my teenage years feeling ugly.
My point is, there's no such thing as ugly, or plain, or beautiful. It's a social construct that's all in our heads! As long as you believe you are beautiful, and act like you are beautiful, then (magically, some would say) you become beautiful.
If you believe you are ugly, you act like that's your reality, and it becomes your reality. If you believe you are plain, you act like that's your reality, and it becomes your reality. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with being ugly, or plain...but it is a choice. Just like being overweight is a choice.
One of my best friends growing up actually had fairly irregular facial features, horrible acne, was stocky, loud, got bad grades...partied too much...but, she was kind, fun as all get out, dressed to the nines, always looked great and was the life of the party and folks, she was beautiful. It's totally all in your head. It just too me a loooooooooooooong time to figure this out.
I don't think you can discount the confidence issue. Confidence shines through. I adore the old Star Trek episode where the women change from "ugly" to "beautiful" when they take a placebo pill. There is a lot of truth in that episode.
I remember that episode! too funny. was a good one. every see American Beauty?
loved your story, dchound, my sis was 5 years older, had a great figure in high school (I was heavy) and was much more popular than me. it seems like it took me forever to get over that stupid mindblock that fat = ugly, and for that reason alone I couldn't be attractive, and that attractiveness meant EVERYTHING. (people comment all the time that my sister and I look very much alike too.)
what, are you going to go crazy over your looks, might as well accept the good and less good and enjoy your life as healthily and actively as you can.
Last edited by dragonwoman64; 06-07-2009 at 04:19 PM.
DC my response was not directed towards you. And to tell you the truth, I'm not sure if you're re-response was directed towards ME.
I have to admit, I've done something I don't think I've ever really done here before - I responded to the original post without even reading the other responses. I'm sorry.
I know men who think that plain nerdy women are sexy because they are plain and don't adhere to the normal standards of beauty, and also because they are smart.
The thing that matters most is confidence. If you walk into a bar and believe that you are beautiful, so will other people. That's one of the reasons some of these women are considered so beautiful, is because of their confidence.
So have confidence, and also realize that if you think you're attractive, so will others, and also that men (and women) are attracted to all sorts of women.
One example I can think of is Madonna. She has never been that attractive, but her confidence always showed, and both me and my boyfriend think that she was just so sexy back in the 80s-90s because of that. There's conventional beauty, and unconventional beauty. I'd rather have unconventional beauty and be different from the rest of the Barbies.
I think the thought only proves the emphasis that our culture still places on beauty (as our culture defines it). There are still many folks willing to risk their physical health in pursuit of beauty. Women and men who disfigure themselves, and punish their bodies to become more "attractive."
Just the other day I caught a glimps of a celebrity family reality show, and the celeb dad was saying how "natural" his plastic surgery looked, and how all his friends told him they couldn't believe he had plastic surgery (Huh? To me, he looks more plastic than a Ken doll).
If only beauty is important to you, and not your lifespan, your health, your physical ability/strength/endurance..., then I guess the answer is there is no reason to bother. However, if you value any of those other things, then weight loss, a healthy diet/activity level do make sense.
A healthy body, fit body is an attractive body. And those who say "I'm ugly anyways" are just looking for an excuse not to become healthy. I can't come up with a single example of a really unattractive, fit person...And if they are "ugly" it is usually because they have an ugly personality or an unattractive "soul"...
Ugly anyway, so why bother about weight?
