Hi all!
Well, having come back from Perogyville has really thrown me for a loop, and I've been wrestling with my thoughts since then.
I have a deep-seated feeling that I don't BELONG in the town that we are living in right now. I just have the feeling that I should be living back in my home town. Things just feel RIGHT to me when I am there. Out here, I feel like I am just waiting, and passing time until I get back HOME. My parents are aging and there is no one in town there to help them, and I feel guilty about not being there. But most of all, I've always wanted to live in my HOME. TOWN. Even if everyone I knew there has moved on. I just feel so much BETTER there...and I get this way EVERY time I go back for a visit.
I've discussed this with my DH. BUT, my DH absolutely does NOT want to move. He feels at home HERE because he grew up in this area. He has a great circle of guys here. His sister lives a few minutes away. So life for him is great. But for me, with my family 2000 miles away and without a great circle of friends, it just isn't so good. We've talked about it, and the only solution is for me to put my dreams of living back in my home town away. Don't get me wrong -- I have the best DH ever, and a lovely home in a safe community. And our community is in a very desirable area with great weather and history. I should be thrilled with what I have. But this city just isn't my HOME. And I've tried for the last 9 years to make it my home through volunteering and taking classes at the college and becoming involved in the community, but I just don't feel RIGHT here. And this is really really hard...
SO, I've been doing my best NOT to snack just to push these feelings away, but I am slipping.
I know that right now this is mind over matter, and that I have to get a grip on things right away, so I am still accounting for my food and exercising, and am trying to get through this. But this is SO. HARD. And I don't see any resolution to my fundamental problem -- I just want to GO HOME...
Thanks for listening...
Kira