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How do you tactfully tell a family member they should lose weight??

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Old 05-28-2009, 02:38 PM   #1
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Default How do you tactfully tell a family member they should lose weight??

So, I love my sister to bits, but in the last couple of years she's really gained weight. I would say she's near or at 200lbs on a light build. She's 5'7, 23 years old, and was very slender for ages and has just gotten into bad eating habits. She loves bread and butter and beer...need I say more? Everytime I bring up my diet and the weight I've lost she tells me she finds the conversation boring and then says the only people who lose weight are the ones who don't talk about it. She is such a pretty girl and I know she would love to be more popular with the guys, and if she could just trim down a little, I know she would be so much happier and more confident. I should know!! Any suggestions on how the brotch the subject without her having a fit? Thanks for any help!
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Old 05-28-2009, 02:43 PM   #2
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Wish I knew. My sister is 5 ft 4 and around 260lbs; my brother is 6ft 2 and around 360lbs...we have a history of heart disease and diabetes...I don't know if there is anything I can do because it isn't like they don't know about the risks. They are choosing to ignore them, until they become slaves to the medical establishment...sigh...it really stresses me out, and I don't know how to help them.
I'm interested to know what others say...
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Old 05-28-2009, 02:45 PM   #3
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In a word, no. There is no way to tell people they're fat and need to lose weight without upsetting them. She already knows. All you accomplish is making her feel worse. If you're doing your thing, and it's making you healthy and happy, and you stick with it, that will speak louder than anything you can say.
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Old 05-28-2009, 02:58 PM   #4
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Unfortunately there is no way- and she's probably at the stage where she is in denial about her weight gain and thinks she "looks fine" like most if not all of us go through.

When she decides to do something about it just be there for her
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Old 05-28-2009, 03:01 PM   #5
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Well I don't know. But I had a family member bring it up to me and here I am well on my way. It was my grandmother. See her son, my uncle, died in a house fire last June. He was found right by the back door when he had a heart attack and died in the fire. To this day she feels like if he wouldn't have been 300lbs, he wouldn't have had that heart attack and he would still be with us.

So one day she sits down with me, with tears in her eyes and her hands trembling and she told me she loved me, but she feared I was headed in the same direction as my uncle. She begged and pleaded with me to start living a healthy lifestyle and to lose the weight. There was no part of me, that got angry at her. My eyes welled up and I wept with her. It was the most touching moment I had ever had with my grandmother. I could see all that pain in her eyes and how fear gripped her so.

Needless to say, that day I told her I would in fact get the weight off and that's what I've been doing ever since. I know my anecdote doesn't really help your situation but just know not everyone gets mad when someone addresses their weight. I sure as heck didn't. That conversation changed my life.
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Old 05-28-2009, 03:05 PM   #6
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She's 23 years old, she's an adult. She knows she's fat. When she's ready to do something about it she will figure it out. When she's ready, help her out but until they it really is none of your business. Just be a good example.
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Old 05-28-2009, 03:05 PM   #7
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Quote:
She's 23 years old, she's an adult. She knows she's fat. When she's ready to do something about it she will figure it out. When she's ready, help her out but until they it really is none of your business.
This.
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Old 05-28-2009, 03:06 PM   #8
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There is no way. Chances are, she probably already knows. The step toward losing weight needs to be a decision she makes on her own.
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Old 05-28-2009, 03:07 PM   #9
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You could point out to her that those who have a support system do better than those who do not. So talking about it with others DOES help though that can be a place like this or with people IRL. Just in case she's under the impression she doesn't need any help or shouldn't need help. But don't push her...just causally mentioned it if she says that again.
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Old 05-28-2009, 03:14 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LandonsBaby View Post
She's 23 years old, she's an adult. She knows she's fat. When she's ready to do something about it she will figure it out. When she's ready, help her out but until they it really is none of your business. Just be a good example.
Yup - this. Landonsbaby, nailed it on the head.

I know for me, until I was READY and WILLING to lose the weight - there would have been no convincing me of it. It's something you must decide for yourself. Having someone tell me, would have not helped one iota. Would have only made me feel worse about myself and probably made me eat more (if that was possible).

I know how painful it is to watch someone you love be needlessly overweight. . You are just so dying to help the other person, you just want to shake some sense into them - but you can't. It can't be done.

Hopefully, one day - and soon, she will decide for herself. And at that point, you can step in - if she asks.
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Old 05-28-2009, 03:16 PM   #11
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Thank you for everyone's input. I know she needs to make the first step, but it pains me to see her stubbornly try to fit into size 14 jeans and refuse to buy a bigger size or acknowledge her expanding waist. I do believe she doesn't realise how big she has gotten, because she was so slim for so long, but I also know she's not happy with herself because she covers herself up with big, baggy tops, which she never used to do.
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Old 05-28-2009, 03:18 PM   #12
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I wouldn't say a word like others suggested. She knows. You could try and get her more active in a round about way. Maybe you could ask her to take a new class at the gym or just try a new activity and suggest you could learn together so you have someone to enjoy it with. Couples tennis, training for a 5k, or something similar. Make it about YOU and how she would be doing you a favor by keeping you company.
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Old 05-28-2009, 03:21 PM   #13
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I know in a lot of cases you can't do anything to encourage someone. And you've probably already done all that you can by trying to gauge her interest.

My cousin sat me aside and told me he was worried about my health, he didn't push it anymore than that. I knew I was fat before he said anything, and it hurt my feelings, but I realized he was right. It took me a couple of days to get over it, but then I started.
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Old 05-28-2009, 03:25 PM   #14
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You don't. She knows she's overweight. She's either going to deal with it or not deal with it, but it needs to be on HER terms, not yours. I know you're concerned for her health, but don't make it worse by possibly causing a passive-aggressive struggle with her.
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Old 05-28-2009, 03:30 PM   #15
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You could try making it more about you than her...say something like, "I could really use a workout buddy to keep me on track," or a similar phrase. Emphasize that exercising can be fun, especially with other people.

Other than that, there's not much you can do without offending her (unless she is an EXTREMELY easygoing type of girl).
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