I've been avoiding 3fc for about a week now, even though I need you guys now more than ever. I feel so awful about not being here for you guys and giving support, and then asking for help myself. I feel really selfish, but I'm not in any position to give support right now.
I had some pretty bad family drama around my birthday (April 27th), and it was tugging on my heart for quite a few days. On my birthday I told myself that I'd go one day without counting anything I ate as a present for myself. Needless to say, that was a bad idea. I was so depressed that I kept just eating whatever I wanted as comfort. I'm pretty good at being in denial, so half of the time I couldn't even rationalize with myself into eating better.
Now I'm in this hole I don't feel like I can get out of. I'm so deeply in denial that I can eat whatever and not feel bad about (until afterwards, anyway). I keep telling myself that I'll get back on my diet tomorrow, but of course that doesn't happen.
I don't know what to do to discipline myself. I know it sounds so easy: JUST DO IT. But I can't get myself to. I feel so unmotivated.
I feel like if I'm trying to lose weight I can only focus on that and nothing else. I've got so many other things going on in my life right now that it's so hard to concentrate on anything else. I'm already out of high school, waiting to enter college this fall, and I don't yet have a job. When my life was a bit simpler a month ago I could concentrate FULLY on losing weight, and I did a great job, but that's because my every thought was planning out meals and exercise.
I just don't know how to incorporate counting calories and exercising daily into my life with all of these other things going on. It's crazy. I talked to my therapist today, and she's on a diet now too for health reasons, and she was talking to me about all this. She told me I just need to sit down and figure out how I'm going to incorporate my new lifestyle in to my current life. I do need to do that, I just don't know where to begin.
And again, I'm so sorry for not being here for you guys and not participating in the forum as much as I was. I just need to figure this all out. I need this place more than ever.