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arguing about food with my partner

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Old 05-01-2009, 10:29 AM   #1
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Unhappy arguing about food with my partner

My partner grew up in a French Canadian household with a dad and stepmother who ran a French restaurant. He very much enjoys food and cooking but detests the confinement of recipes, let alone calorie restrictions. (Of course, he's not at all overweight.) So I've been doing most of the cooking for the four years we've lived together, not because I'm a better cook - I'm quite admittedly not - but because I cook on my plan.

This whole time I've been working at home and that's allowed me a lot of time and flexibility to manage the cooking. But I'm starting a new job Monday and we'll have to start dividing it up. He's more than willing to chip in. But he's supportive of my weight loss efforts in every way except one - if he's going to cook, he's going to do it his way, with all its joie d'vive (sp?), and that's that.

I'm doing WW now and I'm on a streak - 10 lbs. in two months. I suppose I could use my weekly points for his cooking nights, but that means no dinners out, no wine at parties, etc. Please, whatever suggestions you have to manage this would be appreciated!
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Old 05-01-2009, 10:33 AM   #2
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At my WW meeting last week, this was one of our discussion topics. Alot of the members there said that they based the rest of their days points on what they would be having for dinner. Ask your husband to make sure he has the meal planned, so you can figure your points, and then work the rest of the day around them.
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Old 05-01-2009, 10:34 AM   #3
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Hi there! MAN, fevres-au-lard, poutine, tortiere...you're in for a rough time. UNLESS -- when it is your night to cook, double the recipe. Make enough for left-overs for YOU. He can cook for himself exactly how he likes it. But when YOU cook, make lots, portion them out, and reheat for dinner.
I doubt if you can change his cooking habits as he seems resistant right now (just keep asking! he may change his mind...), so IF you want to keep on plan while having some wine and some dinners out, this might be your only option for now, especially since his meals will be SERIOUSLY point-heavy...
Kira

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Old 05-01-2009, 10:39 AM   #4
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Maybe you could also make sure on the nights he cooks to get in a good workout?

I'd also just nicely ask him to remember while HE is at a good weight YOU are still working on your own weight and health issues and if he could go light on sauces and so on you'd appreciate it.
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Old 05-01-2009, 10:41 AM   #5
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I guess your partner thinks that since he has been eating your cooking all this time, you should do the same--but obviously that isn't going to work with your weight loss program. It sounds like he's not going to give you a points count or even a recipe in advance, so I agree that you'll have to find some way around eating his cooking. I agree with the idea of cooking enough on your nights so that you have food for the next day. You should also make it clear that the leftovers are YOUR food, not his, so he doesn't just eat what you had been saving.

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Old 05-01-2009, 10:41 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kiramira View Post
Hi there! MAN, fevres-au-lard, poutine, tortiere...you're in for a rough time. UNLESS -- when it is your night to cook, double the recipe. Make enough for left-overs for YOU. He can cook for himself exactly how he likes it. But when YOU cook, make lots, portion them out, and reheat for dinner.
I doubt if you can change his cooking habits as he seems resistant right now (just keep asking! he may change his mind...), so IF you want to keep on plan while having some wine and some dinners out, this might be your only option for now, especially since his meals will be SERIOUSLY point-heavy...
Kira
Mmmmm poutine Good thing I just finished eating an apple.
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Old 05-01-2009, 10:48 AM   #7
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The mantra in our house right now is
RESPECT THE LINES.
Meaning, when I make a WW recipe and cut lines to represent the portions (i.e. a WW meat loaf has 12 portions, so I draw out 12 portions on the meatloaf right after it is made, so I know what a portion IS), I tell my DH to have as much as he likes, but RESPECT THE LINES. This way, he have have 1 or 2 or even 3 portions at one time (he has no weight issues), and I'm not left guessing or estimating what is left.
I often also make 4 servings of a meal, measure out 1 serving for me, 1 serving directly into a Tupperware for the next day, and then he can have what he likes from the rest. This way, again, no guessing on day 2 for me. And my portion is OFF LIMITS to him. He usually eats 1.5 servings, has the left-over half serving for lunch, and then he's on his own for dinner when I have my portioned serving. Sometimes I make 6 or 8 servings, so we can both have leftovers the next day. But I always measure my 2nd days serving immediately and put it in the fridge.
You might have to do this, too.

Oh, and the BEST POUTINE in my town is at Costco... POUTINE is SO good and SO right, but SO WRONG on SO MANY LEVELS......

Kira

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Old 05-01-2009, 10:50 AM   #8
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Could you try playing up the health aspect a little more, rather than focusing on weight loss? Even at a healthy weight, certain foods may make his cholesteral/blood pressure go up?

Just a thought ...

Or you could try eating and be super careful on portions. Avoid fats until dinner.
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Old 05-01-2009, 11:10 AM   #9
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This may sound silly, but have you asked him how he expects you to lose weight if you are not carefully watching what you eat? I can't even imagine a logical answer for that question.
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Old 05-01-2009, 11:13 AM   #10
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Wow! Thanks for all the fantastic advice.

Fortunately, he doesn't cook traditional Quebecois cuisine. But he does use copious amounts of cream, butter, oil, and/or cheese. For example, one of our sort of "house recipes" is curry noodles. When I make it, I use vegetable broth or miso. He uses an entire can of coconut milk. His favorite dish to make is gorgonzola risotto (which, to his credit, he usually serves with broiled salmon and melon wedges).

I think I'll try a combination of keeping leftovers for myself for some of his nights, and eating small portions of his food other nights, depending on the time I have and what he's making. I might also insist that he include a veg prepared with a measured amount of olive oil or fat free, so that there's always one thing I can eat to fill up on when I'm restricting portion sizes on the proteins and carbs.

I don't think saving lots of points for dinnertime would work for me though - I don't react well when I over-restrict for breakfast and lunch. Also, I work out regularly already and I walk and bike around whenever possible. Now, with starting this new job, I don't think I can add activity. I already earn around 15 activity points a week, give or take.

Again, thank you all so much!
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Old 05-01-2009, 11:16 AM   #11
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Let us know how you make out!
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Old 05-01-2009, 11:19 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chickiegirl View Post
This may sound silly, but have you asked him how he expects you to lose weight if you are not carefully watching what you eat? I can't even imagine a logical answer for that question.
Well, he really doesn't see a need for me to lose weight. But let's not read too much into that as a reason for the current problem, as tempting as it is. He's very supportive overall. It's just that he grew up with cooking as an art form and is unbending on that one point.
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Old 05-01-2009, 11:40 AM   #13
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What's poutine?
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Old 05-01-2009, 11:43 AM   #14
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3beans, i think you really hit the nail on the head there with your last observation. i too am struggling with this as we speak, except both villain and victim are ME. i think it is really hard for people who are "foodies," who really enjoy cooking and dining and stuff as an art, to restrict themselves from making use of the entire color palette of ingredients, so to speak. each ingredient is specifically chosen in order to strike the exactly the right note, nutritional value be damned. and dammit if we aren't particular about this. i still have not figured out how to find as much joy in cooking and eating now that i feel like i have to choose the muted red crayon instead of the vibrant fire engine crayon. i'm sorry i don't have the answer (though i think a number of the previous posters' suggestions sound good), but i just wanted to show my support for you AND your bf. i totally know what you're both going through right now.
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Old 05-01-2009, 11:47 AM   #15
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Poutine! Deep-fried french fries, topped with gravy and cheddar cheese curds....absolutely amazing. HUGELY caloric....sigh...
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