I didn't know where to put this so if there is a group on this subject, point me in the right direction.
In 2006 I lost approx. 50 lbs. From 214 to 164. Due to Christmas I went back up to 170 and stayed there for a while. Then last year I broke my toe. I ended up gaining 10 lbs due to no to little exercise for about 8 weeks and then over this year I have gained 10 lbs more. I am disgusted. But I have really had a seriously hard time *getting back on.* Weird because my diet had been very much about living a certain way and I basically live that way.
But I have that thing back, maybe you can all relate, like that easy trigger finger. When I dieted before I was more centered, I could make choices. But today I can't, stress or anger actually pushes me to cheat. Not that I am oinking out but just a small cheat enough to destroy the day. I don't know how I lost it. It is like an insane hunger.
But I think it is my job. Prior to breaking my toe, my very demanding and psycho boss had been good with me. He had *trust* in me. So as long as nothing got too far past him I could largely handle him and do what I needed to do (diet). But since about September I have been under constant yammering attack from him about every 6 weeks.
When I broke my toe and still worked, I couldn't keep up with the work and got insanely behind. Things started slipping and my boss's selective memory didn't serve to remember that I had a broken toe (two months after recovering) ... now the slightest thing sets him off on just insane and insulting attacks. Reset to day one.
So I have decided to get another job. I am in the process of interviewing and that along with my boss, who needs to be a good reference, is extremely stressful. I cannot make any errors and that even means not only NOT making errors but also not appearing to make errors... that means more time at work, I don't want to gain anymore. What should I do?
I am afraid I am just going to gain it all back in the process of trying to get a new job and if I am successful, getting it. In the process of gaining that person over. I have also lost faith... like what is the point if I can so easily gain it back?
Anyone else successfully get back on after relapse?