After almost 2 years of a horrible, awful, bad relationship that I could not seem to get myself to fully rid myself of... I finally kicked him out, moved into a new apartment where he doesn't know I live, am making plans to move across the country again to be closer to friends and family... and i'm FINALLY feeling back on track with myself.
I've spent forever feeling awful about myself with his encouragement and it's taken me a long time to want to get on here and post and get back on the right path. I have learned many things through this experience, that I thought I'd share.
I'm NEVER going to get serious with someone who can't hold a job and who has no firm aspiration to do so.
I'm NEVER going to financially support a man who won't support me in anything - from my desire to work out, to my need to further my education, to asking for him to pay even a quarter of the bills.
I'm NEVER going to be with a man who doesn't go out of his way to try to make me as happy as I try to make him.
I'm NEVER again is someone going to look at me every day and call me Stupid. or Fat. or Ugly. or Undesireable. Or say that liked me better in pictures when I was thin.
NEVER again is someone I am with going to suggest that I return to my dangerously severe disordered eating habits because "maybe that will make you skinnier."
NEVER is someone going to tell me that the house, car, allowance money, groceries, restaurants, etc.. that I am working for and giving to someone else is not enough or good enough.
NEVER am I going to be the bread winner while I have a man sitting at home, not cleaning, not helping, not looking for work - tell me that I don't keep a clean enough house for him.
NEVER again will I have someone make me feel like I am worthy of paying his bills but not to meet his friends or family.
NEVER am I going to stay with someone who openly cheated on me, several times. Because now I know I'd be happier ALONE than feeling that way every day!!
Throughout all of this I have learned the value of myself in ways I did not know before. And I have a renewed vigor to lose weight, be healthy and move on with my life in a healthy way.
SO - I'm back. I haven't lost any weight and I tossed my digital scale and exchanged it for an analog one. I don't need to notice 10ths of a pound because they fluctuate moment to moment anyway. I barely fit in my clothes and even went and bought a size bigger. But I'm 280lbs lighter without him, moving on with my life. Infact, I totally reset my ticker to today for a 150% fresh start!
I'm sorry I've been away for so long, girls. I've been away from too many things for entirely too long.
But I'M BACK and I'm SORRY i've been neglectful....
I hope everyone is doing just great!!