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Not so friendly remarks from a friend

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Old 04-06-2009, 07:52 PM   #1
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Default Not so friendly remarks from a friend

My roommate is the kind of person who I rarely like to talk about weight or weight loss with. She's tall and skinny but always complains about being "so fat" but can eat anything and not gain a pound.

Yesterday, when I was making dinner she said all she was eating was fruit salad because she doesn't want to be the "fat one" now.

Who says something like that? So, I just chalked it up to her not thinking before she said it. Then, she starts asking me what I did to lose weight and I told her a list of a few things (like calorie counting, fiber, protein, etc.)... all she says is "oh I already do that."

I've been feeling really positive about my weight loss so far, but that really just put a damper on my good mood.

Has anyone else gotten weird almost competitive comments from friends or family?

-Ava
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Old 04-06-2009, 08:00 PM   #2
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Usually it's about their issues and not about you. Doesn't mean they shouldn't know better than to talk like that. But in the end, you have to make choices: Is it worth trying to talk it over and get better support from this person? Is it best to just ignore them? Is it hopeless and bad and I need to get this person out of my life?
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Old 04-06-2009, 08:14 PM   #3
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Sorry to tell you Ava, but the world is FULL of people like your roommate. I have one particular person who says things like what you describe all the time. She can never give a compliment unless there is a big fat insult attached. I sometimes dream of ways to get even... But I really mostly just try and ignore. Though the other day I did get a little jab in when she started justifying a cookie she was eating in front of me, (like I care if she eats one...heck I wish she would eat every cookie in the world so I don't have to see them...LOL). I just smiled and told her I was not interested in the "Food Police" position...
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Old 04-06-2009, 08:18 PM   #4
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I admit I too have gotten comments about my weight gain from loved ones. It does hurt. But I ignore them and strive to keep on going!

As far as your roommate is concerned do not let it dictate or change what you are doing! I am sure you are doing a WONDERFUL job in your weight loss Just ignore her!
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Old 04-06-2009, 08:21 PM   #5
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oooh...sounds like someone is feeling a little threatened by you...I echo what Julie said---you have to decide is she worth the discussion or do you just need to get away from her..
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Old 04-06-2009, 08:31 PM   #6
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Try not to take it too personal, although it's hard not to. It sounds like she has her own food issues ...
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Old 04-06-2009, 09:35 PM   #7
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It also nerves me when "skinny" friends come to me and complain about how "fat" they. SOOOO what do they think of me then? If they are "so fat"... It kind of makes me feel depressed but than I just think again that they have body problems too. I've noticed that the majority of the time they talk about how "fat" they are, they are just doing it for the "skinny compliments" and other forms of attention seeking. I tend to not give in to it and just change the subject.

It seems to me that your roommate is doing some attention seeking herself since.. hm... you took the spotlight with all your weight loss. They best you can do is give her advice and answer her questions but I don't think there's much else you can do. You could try having a 1-on-1 talk with her and discuss these issues and how her comments make you feel.
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Old 04-06-2009, 09:37 PM   #8
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Congrats on being so close to your goal! Don't even listen to what your roommate is saying. I guess people like to think they are better then the people around them and maybe that was the way she thought she was "better" then you. I bet you are looking gorgeous and feeling fabulous and it makes her feel jealous. You keep doing what you are doing because it is working! Feel good about yourself and let the people who push you down deal with their issues on their own.
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Old 04-06-2009, 09:39 PM   #9
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some people are lucky not to gain weight eaily (like your roomate) but some people like me, lbs just stick to me no matter what. We are just different type of people i guess. Do i need to be jelous of those who are not gaining weight no matter how much they eat? no. Healthy eating and daily exercice may not be their life style and they are ok with that cuz they probable dont see the need in it. But for me (and people like me) i need to make daily exercise habbit and plan my meals carefully EACH AND SINGLE DAY so that extra lbs dont stick to me.

That said, i know i have to work for looking good (by exercise and good food choices) but same time some people can do nothing and still be skinny. Its a bit unfair thought BUT people who are watching their diet and in habbit of exercise are better IMFORMED on how our body works, what it needs and stuff. Sooner or later their metabolism will slow down and they would have no knowladge to face it. But we will face this with being fit, with better understanding of food and food portiins and so on.

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Old 04-06-2009, 09:58 PM   #10
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I guess I would have probably said something to show her what she sounded like.

For the first few times, I'd be pretty nice and compassionate and just say something like "you might want to think about stuff like that before you say it. If I weren't such a good friend, I'd be very offended right now."

Of course I would also have to do a little thinking before I spoke, because my first reaction would be to want to say something a bit more sarcastic, such as "Yeah, you'd better stick with being "the skinny one," because I'm not sure you could pull off "the smart one," or "the compassionate one."
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Old 04-06-2009, 10:04 PM   #11
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It's really too bad that she is so insecure about herself that she feels the need to go fishing for compliments or to justify her eating, most especially given that she's actually thin.

It's also too bad that the insecurity is preventing her from responding positively. What you are doing is awesome and you have every reason to be proud of yourself I know that can be hard when people around you are not supportive. I guess the ball's then in your court to decide how you want to respond. Whatever you do, I hope you keep sight of how fabulous your achievement is and how much it rocks
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Old 04-06-2009, 10:14 PM   #12
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Thanks for all the support everyone!

I'm definitely not going to let anyone's comments get in the way of my goals. I've never felt better than I do now!

I think it really is an issue of her own insecurity... and definitely fishing for compliments. That's been obvious for a long time except now, it's got a pinch of insult thrown in!

I'm so grateful for everyone's kind words! There's no place like 3FC!
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July Goal: Under 30 min 5K (7/22)
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Old 04-06-2009, 10:27 PM   #13
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Dude, you're like, 5'4 128. That's not fat, and your roommate is crazy. She probably has low self-esteem (if she's thin and keeps saying she's fat) and feels like she has to cut people down. I always just ignore those people. What gets on my nerves is when people who are overweight who complain about being overweight and won't do anything to change it because they'd rather complain. Your roommate sounds like she just wants something to complain about.

What she's doing is fishing for a compliment. People who complain about being "so fat" are just asking for someone to say that they're skinny. Whenever heard something like that, I'd say "whatever you say" and just go about what i was doing before.

Which reminds me, is that some people are also looking for a spat. My freshman roommate was a bigger girl, and I weighed around 160 at the time (oh how time passes) and I was confident about myself. Anyways, she walks up to me when I was at my desk and asked me if I thought she was obese. So I thought for a second that I can't say yes, because she'll get mad and I can't say no because she'll think I'm lying, so I told her to look up her BMI and that according to mine, I'm overweight for my height, and went back to my work, and she never brought up weight again.

So honestly, the next time your roommate complains about being fat, don't say anything. She's just insecure and is looking for a compliment.

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Old 04-06-2009, 11:16 PM   #14
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Sorry to hear your roommate is being quite insensitive and rude. Try not to let it get you down because you're amazing and have made great progress!
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Old 04-06-2009, 11:29 PM   #15
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As ive gotten older and wiser I have changed my definition of "friend".Sorry but that is not a true friend.I can not imagine EVER making that comment to anyone.........not even an enemy.I have also learned that it is only I who can surround myself with supporting , loving and amazing people.this is what i have learned to do (but probably not until in my 30s did i learn i was worth doing this).My life has been much better since.
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