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So very frustrated, but I know itís my own fault!

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Old 03-31-2009, 02:29 PM   #1
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Default So very frustrated, but I know itís my own fault!

I am really at a total loss here. I WANT to lose weight, Iím practically obsessed with my weight, with wanting to do the right thing, yet there are a few fundamental things I somehow subconsciously refuse to do.

For one thing, Iím following Weight Watchers (well, ďfollowingí is obviously a term used loosely) Ė in fact I am a lifetime member, who once lost almost 70 lbs and kept it off for nearly 3 years. I pretty much know what to do, but I am NOT doing it! If/when I follow the program, I do it 100% and I stay within points, if not saving anything from 1 Ė 4 points (more than 4, since WW doesnít advise to save more than 4 per day, to be sure we eat enough). If/when I am following the program, I have no problem writing/ tracking what Iíve had that day. I weigh and measure my food. I choose healthier options and I pass up chocolate/cake/ candy, etc. I should note (for those of you who havenít heard my same sob story again and again) that I have gained all the weight back during a very bad period of my life and have since not been able to get back to that place I was at when I was successful. Weíre talking 4 years now. 4 years that I have been just pissing about!

But these ďgoodĒ days are few and far between ( - as Iím writing this on the train home Iím watching a guy devour and entire box of chocolate snack cakes and a package of cookies; how does this happen to me??). In 7 days time I might have 2 to 3 ďgoodĒ days. I know, I know Ė I should celebrate the little achievementsÖ even these little achievements I canít celebrate anymore! Iím so sick and tired of myself! But I just donít know HOW to stop this nonsense that Iím putting myself through!

You know, I donít even know if I want advice or tips Ė you know what I really want? A friend! Someone I can share this with who understands and who will literally kick me in the pants when I donít stick to the program. I donít have anyone really. I go to meetings and this evening I almost actually cried at the meeting Ė it all seems so irrelevant to me what is being talked about! I want to talk about real issues, problems and challenges and come up with solutions, but so far it all feels a waste of time! My husband supports me in the general sense of the word, but there are times that he ďtreatsĒ me with food or wants to take me out to lunch or dinner and I am WEAK! I have no real friends (itís a LONG story and has a lot to do with the bad period of my life), I lose 4 hours a day every day going to and from work (no, moving or getting another job is not an option right now), I already get up between 4.30 Ė 5.00 every morning just to prepare my food for the day (no, preparing at night is not an option; I get home earliest at 7pm, then I still need to cook and clean up most nights Ė after that I need to relax a bit before going to bed at 10pm). Iím still totally stumped as to when Iím ever supposed to exercise (yes, I could go out at lunch now for a walk, but my lunch is the ONE break I normally take now to have a little bit of lighthearted fun with a few nice colleagues).

As Iím rambling I realize once again that yes, Iím full of excuses. And I know all too well that the ONLY person who can do this or solve this for me is me. I am on the brink of just giving up Ė I mean really, if Iím not gaining weight, thatís something right? I donít HAVE to be 150 lbs to be a happy/good/ pretty person, right? I wish I could convince myself sometimes of this, but ultimately I am miserable like this Ė it affects everything; my self-esteem, the way I feel about myself with my husband, the way I look at myself, etc. Ultimately I have no idea what I hope to achieve by posting this Ė I guess I just need to get it out so that I donít explode.

If youíve read all this, thanks. And sorry for the broken record for those of you who have heard this all before from me.
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Old 03-31-2009, 02:34 PM   #2
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Here's what you really, really need right now . . . . . . Lots of friends around here to cheer you on, Chickie, but I don't think any of us have found that magic button yet that makes everything work all of the time. Bottom line, you just have to keep plugging away and hopefully you get to the point where the good days outnumber the not so good days.
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Old 03-31-2009, 02:47 PM   #3
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I know how you how you feel about the starting and stopping. I have friends, but I don't have any that are supportive of my weight loss desires. My husband who is just as obese as me, won't change his ways. It's hard to deal with him eating what he wants and me curtailing myself. Very Frustrating. However, we can't give up, we all want to the best we can be and as healthy as possible.
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Old 03-31-2009, 03:20 PM   #4
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Velveteen, I could have written the same exact post you just wrote many, many times. And, I totally get it and I get you. I get where you are right now. I've been there more times than I care to count. Just know, I am here for you along with a lot of others on these boards. I have only a moment right now before I have to go pick up my son, but I am going to come back here later and add more. Hang in there!
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Old 03-31-2009, 05:07 PM   #5
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Are you able to make your meals at one time of the day, and perhaps do an exercise dvd another part of the day?

It's hard! Believe me, I know! Everyone here knows! But if you really want to lose weight, you'll figure out how to incorporate an exercise routine that's good for your schedule!

The best piece of advice I ever got was ironically from the biggest loser tv show: "If I could find time to sit and watch 3 hours of tv every evening after a long day at work, then I can surely use some of that time to exercise instead."

You can do it!

~ tea
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Old 03-31-2009, 05:12 PM   #6
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Maybe for now, you could just work on getting your eating habits under control. Start switching foods for healthier options and get your 3 good days a week to 6 or 7? Exercise is very important, and I enjoy it very much. But even if you can't get it in doesn't mean you can't be living healthfully and loosing.
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Old 03-31-2009, 05:27 PM   #7
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I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

Packing food the night before should be totally doable for you. If you're cooking anyway, you can pack your food while you're preparing/cooking (during the "inactive" prep time) or when you pack away leftovers, pack your lunch. The extra sleep time in the morning will doyou good and will make your mornings much less hectic. Also, lack of sleep has been shown to affect weight loss in a negative way. We overeat when we're tired...

Can you pack a few days at a time and just pluck one container out of the fridge each morning?

Also, can you change WW groups? It seems like you really need support. Perhaps you can get that in-person support from another group, if one is avail in your area...

Otherwise, we're always here.
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Old 03-31-2009, 05:28 PM   #8
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I feel for your girl and you have my support. Sometimes the good days are overshadowed by the bad. I have learned to let myself have the treats but not let it set off a punishment mode where I go on a sort of binge and have a bunch more bad days and gain five pounds. If your heart and mind is really into the weightloss concept, I have found hypnosis to be a wonderful tool that helps me stay on track. Message me privately if you would like to know more about my Hypno experience. I will say I was 285 and hypno helped me down to 185.. I had some bad years in between and got back up to 240 in a little over 5 years. I SHOULD have nipped my relapse in the bud and went back for more therapy but I didn't. I got myself down to 230 and have had more therapy and have weighed in today at 214. It is a daily process and alot of work but we can root each other on and get where we all want to be. Even small workouts in your week can help. Jillian Michaels has 20 minute workouts.. maybe you can fit 20 minutes in a couple of work days and then do more on your weekends..
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Old 03-31-2009, 05:37 PM   #9
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Default I can relate

I am with you for sure. My husband doesn't have to try to be skinny. If eat like him, I would be even fatter.
And I find it hard to stick to plan or even near plan on a regular basis.
I love my job, no other is possible for me, but at times I have long hours too and being tired really makes it hard to stick to plan, especially since eating a high carb with fat meal just before bed helps me sleep better during the day when I need to do that.
And your commute; I can see why you have challenges. I have some major life stressors right now with my father in hospital, almost died last week, and my mother with dementia. With your work schedule, any little thing could easily tip you out of balance.
Feel free to come and vent anytime.
I will hug you or kick your butt anytime you like, if you will do the same for me.
good luck and keep posting.
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Old 04-01-2009, 01:08 AM   #10
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starting and stopping probably means its not your lifestyle yet. Being on a diat (trying to lose weight) shouldnt be a just that - you probably need to have a habit of LIVING this way - not thinking its your plan or goal or anything... stop thinking about it and start living healthy. You had your 3 years that you practiced healthy living and kept your 70lbs off. My poing is that choosing food and portions should be a second nature to you by now if it is not then you need to learn to have this habbit

As for me my habbit now is that when i eat i choose smallest bowl in the kitchn for my meal portions. That makes me eat less. Dont forget that it takes good 20 mins for your brain to "know" that you are not hungry anymore. Also a habbit of eating slow. Also eat often,,, meal/snack/meal/snack/meal/snack to boost your metabolism Also a huge habbit to have DAILY excersice. I set 4pm for gym. My kids love it too (gym daycare). So once it is your life style you wont even think about going back to your old habbits
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Old 04-01-2009, 01:50 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by meowee View Post
Here's what you really, really need right now . . . . . . Lots of friends around here to cheer you on, Chickie, but I don't think any of us have found that magic button yet that makes everything work all of the time. Bottom line, you just have to keep plugging away and hopefully you get to the point where the good days outnumber the not so good days.
thank you so much for the hug. I did actually really need that. and you are right. I just have to keep going.

Quote:
Originally Posted by chicadee76 View Post
I know how you how you feel about the starting and stopping. I have friends, but I don't have any that are supportive of my weight loss desires. My husband who is just as obese as me, won't change his ways. It's hard to deal with him eating what he wants and me curtailing myself. Very Frustrating. However, we can't give up, we all want to the best we can be and as healthy as possible.
thanks. I have a friend that I go to WW with, but she's in a very similar situation as me - we both live quite far away from work, we both work too much and we both have issues with stress. We work at the same place and let me tell you there is no shortage of temptations. Yesterday alone there were two birthdays in my department (2 cakes, ice cream) and we had samples in our store for coffee tastings (I work at Starbucks european roasting plant). There is literally something every day in our face to deal with. Sometimes it's ok, but sometimes temptation is just too much - when I'm stressed is the hardest moment to stay away from this stuff (I know I don't *have* to stay away from it, but it's obviously not helping me). My husband had gained a bit of weight since we quit smoking 3 months ago but he is by no means overweight! And he doesn't purposely eat whatever he wants in front of me; it's more that if we are out, he'll want to treat me to lunch or take me to dinner and that's what I find quite challenging.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lessofmaur View Post
Velveteen, I could have written the same exact post you just wrote many, many times. And, I totally get it and I get you. I get where you are right now. I've been there more times than I care to count. Just know, I am here for you along with a lot of others on these boards. I have only a moment right now before I have to go pick up my son, but I am going to come back here later and add more. Hang in there!
thank you so much. I'm really glad someone can relate!

Quote:
Originally Posted by teawithsunshine View Post
Are you able to make your meals at one time of the day, and perhaps do an exercise dvd another part of the day?

It's hard! Believe me, I know! Everyone here knows! But if you really want to lose weight, you'll figure out how to incorporate an exercise routine that's good for your schedule!

The best piece of advice I ever got was ironically from the biggest loser tv show: "If I could find time to sit and watch 3 hours of tv every evening after a long day at work, then I can surely use some of that time to exercise instead."

You can do it!

~ tea
I have actually tried several different ways to prepare my food for during the day. I've done it in the evening, I've done it for a few days at a time (which I can do now, but until Christmas I only had a small dorm-sized refrigerator for the last 4 years!) and that works ok, but I usually have to vary what I eat after two days - I am a true foodie and eating the same thing every day makes me crazy!

As it is, I get up around 5 in the morning, sometimes earlier, if I am preparing my food in the morning. I have to leave my house at 6.30 to get to work before 9am. Since the new year I've been working my normal hours instead of so much overtime (this has helped my stress levels and I tend to stress-eat less), but still, if I leave at 5pm, I am not home until 7pm. I do not watch a lot of television, maybe 2 hours max a week! I just don't have time for it! I normally record stuff I want to watch and then watch it at some point in the weekend. Admittedly I could use the weekend to be more active, use my time to plan, do proper grocery shopping, maybe even cook things to take with me to work during the week. I am just normally so exhausted after the work week, that I don't do this.

I have also tried exercise videos but I don't like them in general and I also don't have a lot of room to do it in (sounds like an excuse - and I guess it is, but I literally live in a shoebox - less than 1000sq ft.). I do have an elliptical; I need to talk to my husband again about cooking while I go on the elliptical - we did this before and it worked out ok, I just have to educate him a bit more on WW cooking.
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Old 04-01-2009, 01:56 AM   #12
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If preparing meals is exhausting... can your husband help out? Or could you consider a delivery-meal system that you see advertised on tv?

Or have your husband help out with food preparation during the weekend for the entire following week.

I'm sorry to sound tough here, but if you really want to lose weight you're going to reevaluate/reschedule how your day goes to get some exercise time in

Is there a gym near your workplace you can go exercise after work? Then all you'd have to do is just go home afterward and crash for the evening

Hang in there!

~ tea
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Old 04-01-2009, 03:58 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sprklemajik View Post
Maybe for now, you could just work on getting your eating habits under control. Start switching foods for healthier options and get your 3 good days a week to 6 or 7? Exercise is very important, and I enjoy it very much. But even if you can't get it in doesn't mean you can't be living healthfully and loosing.
I am definitely trying for the eating habits first. I have actually just pretty much maintained my weight (not gaining is a sign that I’m doing something right, though I could obviously do better) because I do eat rather healthily on a regular basis. I love fruits and veg so that’s never an issue with me. I don’t normally buy junk so I don’t have the temptations at home. The problem when I am stressed and there is chocolate around (for example, like at work), if I start, I won’t stop. Same with going out for a drink – I don’t have just “one” beer or “one” glass of wine. I’m not saying I go out and get ripped, but with some things, moderation is harder than with othes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rachinma View Post
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

Packing food the night before should be totally doable for you. If you're cooking anyway, you can pack your food while you're preparing/cooking (during the "inactive" prep time) or when you pack away leftovers, pack your lunch. The extra sleep time in the morning will do you good and will make your mornings much less hectic. Also, lack of sleep has been shown to affect weight loss in a negative way. We overeat when we're tired...

Can you pack a few days at a time and just pluck one container out of the fridge each morning?

Also, can you change WW groups? It seems like you really need support. Perhaps you can get that in-person support from another group, if one is avail in your area...

Otherwise, we're always here.
Thanks for your support. I can try again to do it in the evenings, but again (here comes the excuse), I find it quite difficult to prepare the night before. I have a tiny kitchen with hardly any space at all. Cooking one meal already takes up the entire space that I have. I could already think about what I want to prepare for the next day while I’m on the train home. (This bugs me a bit, because, I feel like I’m constantly thinking about food; what/when/how I’m going to eat, it’s constant, and annoying.)

And I have heard that about sleep, which is truly why I’m trying to go home on time, eat before 8pm, relax a bit and go to bed on time.

I have changed WW groups several times; the problem with living so far away from work is that by the time I get home, I’m late for the local WW meeting. If I go in Amsterdam (where I work) there are only a couple of meetings that are easy to get to in the evenings. I love the leader, it’s just there are a few people there who seem to think they are in a private conversation with her at times, making it hard for anyone to get anything out of the meeting. I don’t always stay; yesterday I felt I really NEEDED to stay and then it was totally irrelevant. The cultural difference alone (I am American, but live in the Netherlands the last 15 years – while I am acclimated and integrated I still am not Dutch and I do not eat culturally like the Dutch!) makes it challenging.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ravenousblue View Post
I feel for your girl and you have my support. Sometimes the good days are overshadowed by the bad. I have learned to let myself have the treats but not let it set off a punishment mode where I go on a sort of binge and have a bunch more bad days and gain five pounds. If your heart and mind is really into the weight loss concept, I have found hypnosis to be a wonderful tool that helps me stay on track. Message me privately if you would like to know more about my Hypno experience. I will say I was 285 and hypno helped me down to 185. I had some bad years in between and got back up to 240 in a little over 5 years. I SHOULD have nipped my relapse in the bud and went back for more therapy but I didn't. I got myself down to 230 and have had more therapy and have weighed in today at 214. It is a daily process and a lot of work but we can root each other on and get where we all want to be. Even small workouts in your week can help. Jillian Michaels has 20 minute workouts. Maybe you can fit 20 minutes in a couple of work days and then do more on your weekends.
I have thought about hypnosis before. And I know myself well enough that I just shouldn’t start on treats because 1) when I feel good I don’t even crave them and 2) if I feel bad I won’t stop. I don’t normally punish myself but I don’t feel great afterwards either. I don’t really have binges. I do want to find time to exercise and you all are helping my thinking process in this, so thank you!

Quote:
Originally Posted by fatmad View Post
I am with you for sure. My husband doesn't have to try to be skinny. If eat like him, I would be even fatter.
And I find it hard to stick to plan or even near plan on a regular basis.
I love my job, no other is possible for me, but at times I have long hours too and being tired really makes it hard to stick to plan, especially since eating a high carb with fat meal just before bed helps me sleep better during the day when I need to do that.
And your commute; I can see why you have challenges. I have some major life stressors right now with my father in hospital, almost died last week, and my mother with dementia. With your work schedule, any little thing could easily tip you out of balance.
Feel free to come and vent anytime.
I will hug you or kick your butt anytime you like, if you will do the same for me.
good luck and keep posting.
thanks so much for your response. I’m sorry to hear about the stressors and challenges you have too! I would appreciate the support and gladly give some back.

Quote:
Originally Posted by unwanted37lbs View Post
starting and stopping probably means its not your lifestyle yet. Being on a diet (trying to lose weight) shouldn’t be a just that - you probably need to have a habit of LIVING this way - not thinking its your plan or goal or anything... stop thinking about it and start living healthy. You had your 3 years that you practiced healthy living and kept your 70lbs off. My point is that choosing food and portions should be a second nature to you by now if it is not then you need to learn to have this habit

As for me my habit now is that when i eat i choose smallest bowl in the kitchen for my meal portions. That makes me eat less. Don’t forget that it takes good 20 mins for your brain to "know" that you are not hungry anymore. Also a habit of eating slow. Also eat often…meal/snack/meal/snack/meal/snack to boost your metabolism Also a huge habit to have DAILY exercise. I set 4pm for gym. My kids love it too (gym daycare). So once it is your life style you wont even think about going back to your old habits
Well… really much of what I already do is something engrained in me from when I started WW in 1999 and then later became a lifetime member. Much of what I do is second nature. But I know for myself that without exercise, I will not lose weight if I am not strictly on plan. And there’s the catch 22… when to move. I don’t have a huge issue with portion sizes. I also eat often. My day starts at 5am so I normally have an apple by the time I leave (6.30) then my breakfast (a smoothie, or a sandwich), 10am I have a(nother) sandwich if I’m particularly hungry that day, or a latte with skim milk, lunch consists almost always of a salad or veggies with some source or protein, snacks around 2 or 3 of fruit/yoghurt/ cottage cheese, another apple on the way home, or carrots, or cherry tomatoes, and then dinner. So I really do eat throughout the whole day so I don’t get over hungry and then overeat. I would love to have the ability to go to the gym, but I work until 5pm.

Quote:
Originally Posted by teawithsunshine View Post
If preparing meals is exhausting... can your husband help out? Or could you consider a delivery-meal system that you see advertised on tv?

Or have your husband help out with food preparation during the weekend for the entire following week.

I'm sorry to sound tough here, but if you really want to lose weight you're going to reevaluate/reschedule how your day goes to get some exercise time in

Is there a gym near your workplace you can go exercise after work? Then all you'd have to do is just go home afterward and crash for the evening

Hang in there!

~ tea
Yes, he can and he is more than happy to. He goes to school though and needs to work every evening on his studies so I don’t want him to have to do it every day. We need to switch off a bit though so that we both are able to do what we need/want to do. We don’t have delivery meals here in the Netherlands – I’m happy that we actually have Weight Watchers here!

I used to go to the gym after work, but I found it quite depressing to be eating my dinner on the train home and not with my husband. I went to a gym in Amsterdam, so then I thought I would go in the town that I lived, but then still wouldn’t get to eat at home. I have an elliptical, I shouldn’t be afraid to use it
No one is being tough – I appreciate the responses!
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Old 04-01-2009, 07:03 AM   #14
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Velveteen

If you really want to lose weight, then one day you will figure out how to solve these problems. You're right--it starts to sound like excuses--especially to those of us who have heard ourselves say the same things in the past. I work long hours, I don't get home early, there's no time, I am weak and I can't resist X...

My favorite one is that you can't do exercise videos because you don't like them and your house is small.

It sounds to me like all the tools are there, but you just don't feel like using them. Have you tried any kind of counseling? Not for weight--just to help with that life situation you mentioned. Perhaps some issues there are still not resolved.

At any rate, dear Velveteen, when you really decide that you are going to do this, I imagine that the obstacles will melt away--almost the way the fog burns away leaving a clear sky. You will plan, you will count your points, and you'll find a way to fit physical activity into your day. You'll also probably wonder why you thought it was so hard. This was my own experience with my weight loss--somehow the time to exercise magically appeared once I made it a priority. Somehow the food plan fell together once I decided that anything standing in its way had to change.

You can do the same!

Jay
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Old 04-01-2009, 07:29 AM   #15
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I hope this doesn't come off as being a jerk, but when I got tired of being fat and my doctor told me I need to get it together I wasn't ready. It took the vanity of bathing suit shopping for me to change. I'm just as busy as anyone, I'm a single parent, I work full time, and my son plays on 2 different baseball teams, swims, and plays football. So trust me,I am busy as ever, but I make time to plan and do what I need to do. I don't have a husband, its just me to do all of the laundry, housework, and being a taxi cab for my son, and everything else. But, I make it work because what's the alternative, get fatter and die?
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