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Old 03-28-2009, 02:43 AM   #1
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Join Date: Mar 2009
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Default I feel as if I have wasted my youth stuck in body I Hate.

Hi everyone, Ive been reading the forum for a little over a year and finally decided to introduce myself to everyone.

Im 29 years old, live in the UK, and I weight 245lb with a body fat of 52% and hight of 59.

Ive been someone who has been overweight all my life and absolutely hate it, because it so far stopped me from what I want desperately which is to get married and have children.

Im someone who has extreme low self esteem and I always sabotage my relationships because I refuse to be intimate with someone with the way my body looks. Almost a year and half ago I was with someone who had all the qualities I was looking for in husband and who loved me, we set the wedding and I thought I could lose the weight in time for the wedding. It did not happen, so I called the wedding off and lied to him, myself and my family I said it was because I did not love him, whereas I know its because of my weight.

This has been a cycle that always happens in my life, I always find an excuse to refuse people because of weight. My family and friends know this and they find it extremely shocking that Im letting my weight stand in the way of my desire to have a family.

When I was younger that used to hide in closets when relatives come to visit because I did not want them to see me and comment on my weight. I would even ask my friends to stand in front of me when I saw someone I knew, so they would not see me. I never went out and had fun when I was teenager because I felt totally self-conscious so I always stayed home.

I would always go on diet but stop after month at the most, at the age of 23 I lose my weight with a diet program called Lighter Life, which is basically drinking shakes with no more 500 calories a day and 4 liters of water with nothing else. I did that for 6 months and lost 100 pounds. So did that make me happy and start living my life? Absolutely not.

As you all know, when you are big, you have this daydream when you lose the weight that you will have a body like most slim people. That did not happen with me and I guess because I did not exercise and lost the weight too fast, I was literally a skinny fat person, I looked very small but still had fat all over my body, I looked disgusting and I remember crying in changing rooms because I did not look how I imagined I would look.

The worst areas were my lumpy thighs I dont know how to describe them because its worse than cellulite, its literally fat under the skin which makes the skin uneven and very lumpy. So it looked even worse when I lost the weight so much so that you could see the lumps through trousers Sorry, I rumbled on for too long, to cut a long story short Ive sense put all the weight back on and Im more desperate than ever to lose it. But worried whether I can do it and how I would look afterwards. I would appreciate any advice you guys could give me. Thanks
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Old 03-28-2009, 03:07 AM   #2
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S/C/G: 190/140/135

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If you get on track today, you will be spared the extra five years I lived in a body that didn't make me happy.

You can start today. If you're ready.

From a reality perspective - I have the same body that I had when I was 200 lbs, it's just smaller. I am still short waisted, I still have a big nose, my left saddlebag is still bigger than my right (and lumpy bumpy to boot). there were a few pleasant surprises - my upper arms turned out beautifully - BUT - I will never wear a bikini or look like a model, even at 127 lbs. My stomach is loose and saggy (when I lay down on my side, it puddles like candlewax) and I have tons of stretchmarks. Even with my flawed, imperfect NORMAL body, I am blissfully happy with my weight loss. I am happier and healthier than I have ever been - I accept the body that I have, it isn't a model's body, but the pictures we see in magazines are rarely their bodies either. Perfection is imaginary, this is the real world.
SIX YEARS at maintenance weight!

My very long weight loss story

"I saw an angel in the marble and I chiseled until I set it free."

Last edited by Glory87; 03-28-2009 at 03:10 AM.
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Old 03-28-2009, 03:48 AM   #3
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 5,006

S/C/G: 238/158.9/138

Height: 5'2"


Sumuya, you're in a really good place now to start losing weight and doing it properly: you've lost it before and know that it is not the magic wand we most of us hope for the first time we lose successfully. I'm on my 3rd attempt. First attempt led to the situation you know - you get a thinner body but your self-image doesn't improve. Second attempt led to a thinner body, tho not as thin as the first time and a self-image that was radically better - but complacent. Third time lucky/'s the charm.

It really helps being able to post here about internal issues as well as the weight, already since end January I've had quite a few little lightbulb pinpricks that I hope will make me more centred and less complacent WHEN I'm successful this time.

Have you decided how you're going to do it? Obviously there are a lot of plans about but lots of people, me included, swear by calorie counting. That way no food is banned. Also lots of people use calorie and nutrient tracking software, I use dietpower but there are lots of others, free ones. Not only can you while away the hours planning in the calories, the produce graphs to show your weight going down and most importantly, flag up if you are lacking in nutrients - this can be a big factor in feeling manky as you lose weight. I take a multivit.

Good on you for having the renewed determination.

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Old 03-28-2009, 05:26 AM   #4
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S/C/G: 307/lost 140+ lbs/125


Your story really resonated with me.

First thing you need to do is figure out your:

1. eating lifestyle plan (not a DIET meal plan but lifestyle as in you can keep eating this way long after you reach your target goal weight-- and feel good and not depriving yourself).
2. cardio exercise that you actually LIKE doing (i.e. walking, stair master, elliptical machine, jogging, etc).
3. weight training (i.e. follow a resistance program via dvds or a gym).

Once you get those three things down, you're good to go!

Post back here, this is the perfect place for you!

~ tea
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Old 03-28-2009, 06:37 AM   #5
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Posts: 1,321

S/C/G: 198/155/140

Height: 5'9"


Hi Sumuya, I can really relate. I'm 27, same height as you and my highest weight was 240. I've also been overweight all my life and avoided alot of things, not only relationships, but jobs in public or working with alot of people because I worry what people will think of my weight. I avoid relationships, and the one I was in for a couple of years was abusive and didn't treat me like I should have been treated, but I stayed worried it would be hard for me to meet someone else because of my weight. Now I totally avoid relationships till I can get my weight off.

I did get down to 135 years ago, but did it the wrong way and had flabby thighs and was a skinny fat too. I basically starved myself there and was walking for hours and hours a day. I fit in smaller clothes and I did feel better about myself though. I only managed to stay there for a few months before slowly gaining it back.

I'm currently 175-180, but I'm mostly fat. I'm working on building up some muscle and getting down to 150 (hard to build and lose at the same time). I got down to here by just watching what I eat most days and walking and doing exercise DVDs here and there, but not consistently. So even some small changes help alot in the beginning.

These should be the best years of our lives, I know it's a struggle and sad to think weight can really hold us back from doing what we really want.

If you want a diet buddy or just want to talk, you can PM me!

Last edited by ringmaster; 03-28-2009 at 06:40 AM.
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Old 03-28-2009, 11:21 AM   #6
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Toronto
Posts: 172

S/C/G: 177/see ticker/135

Height: 5' 5 1/2"


Yes, some of the problem areas on your body might be worse due to your having once been at such a high weight, but even people at low weights have problem areas!

As Glory pointed out, weighing a low number does not give you a magically magnificent body. People who are thin and well proportioned and stretch mark free and cellulite free are VERY RARE. That's why models get paid so much.

I have super large breasts. They are 34 G. They are literally a huge pain in the neck. Not to mention the creepy sexual attention I've recieved since I was 13. I thought when I lost weight they would be a normal size. When I got to 140 guess what? 30 G. Sometimes 30 F. They really only looked bigger on my smaller body! Talk about heartwrenching disappointment. The problem areas on peoples bodies do not disappear with weight loss. I'm probably going to have to have surgery to have them reduced when I lose a little more weight. Have you seen breast reduction scars? They can be pretty invasive. But if I want to change my body that way I'm going to have to suck it up and deal with the consequences.

You will not have a perfect body at your goal weight. Neither will I. Neither will someone who has been at their ideal weight their whole lives. It might seem cruel to you that you have to work so hard to lose weight and still have a flawed body but welcome to reality! Won't it still feel good to be slimmer, healthier and able to be more active? Doesn't the idea of prolonging your life seem appealing? I hope for your sake that losing weight is not only a physical goal but a health one as well, because if its not you probably will not have the motivation to reach goal. I am sure you're not that superficial though.

The good news about your situation is that you have physics on your side. YOU CAN DO THIS. It's going to be work. It will be unpleasant sometimes. It will not always be fun. You will have stalls in weight loss. But if you were to poll all the success stories on here I'm sure they would tell you it is worth it.

Please take the time to look around this site and hopefully find some encouragement.
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Old 03-28-2009, 11:29 AM   #7
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Location: Columbus OH
Posts: 2,524

S/C/G: 290/ticker/145

Height: 5'4"


the borders of youth are getting pushed back farther and farther these days, you still have plenty of time to make your changes and enjoy your life.

Started July 1, 2012 @ 290lbs
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Old 03-28-2009, 11:32 AM   #8
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I see a lot of naked women. No one has a perfect body. No one.

I did not choose a life of health until I was 34, so you can make the choice at a younger age than I did.

You have the power to change your life....
"And that's how Beowulf rolls"~ my DD
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Old 03-28-2009, 11:36 AM   #9
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Height: 5.7 and 1/2


Sumuya, there is not even one of us here that cannot identify with some or all of your post. You have found a good place to be so come here often. There are answers and there is support.

You can have the life you want and the body you want. Every person must find their own path but the great news is that you aren't and won't be alone on the path.

Please feel free to PM me anytime. I am a calorie counter and runner and eat mostly whole foods. I started in late May 08. It's what works for me. Look around the boards, there are lots of methods. I am sure something here (maybe more than just one) will be the right thing for you too.

"Be who you are, say what you feel. Those who matter, don't mind. Those who mind, don't matter." --Dr. Seuss
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Old 03-28-2009, 11:42 AM   #10
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Well said hotnewspirits!
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Old 03-28-2009, 12:43 PM   #11
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Location: Western NY
Posts: 518

S/C/G: 231/214.6/165

Height: 5'7"


you might wanna talk to a therapist or someone because I think there alot of deeper issues you need to work through.

I suffer from depression and panic attacks which have gotten so bad i am agoraphobic and on meds and it is gonna take alot of work to make myself better. I have had low self-esteem my whole life that prevented me from doing so many things. I realized it prevented me from living my life even.

What really helped me was thinking of the quote that says it isn't the destination but the journey. Because there is no perfect "end". You have to live everyday. Even if tomorrow I woke up and somehow magickly I was the perfect weight, had the perfect figure and was as beautiful as I had ever wished to be. There will still be other problems and issues that come up. Being skinny and beautiful really wont solve everything. There will still be days when I stumble and fall on my face. When I have other issues to worry about, other things to depress me or hold me back.

You have to be happy in this moment. It surely isn't easy but taking little baby steps helps alot. I am making changes in my life that can make me happy doing them. Eating healthy, starting routines, being more in shape. And everyday I am getting happier. I still have days where I start to fall apart but it is easier to pick myself back up now and keep on going because tomorrow is a new day. I am still far from where I hope to be someday but I am making each day alittle better.

You can do it! Take care of yourself- body, mind and spirit!
`*..* ♥ Life is a journey,
..*) .*) not a destination ♥

"A year from now you'll be glad you started today."
My Food TrackerMy New Diet Journal

1= for every 10lbs lost

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Old 03-29-2009, 03:09 PM   #12
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Location: Twin Cities
Posts: 93

S/C/G: 184/Ticker/150

Height: 5'5


I turn 40 in a year and I ask myself the same question...how did I let myself live most of my adult life in a body I hate? Why? Do I really hate myself that much? What do I need to do to change? We're constantly growing and changing as people...it's never too late to start! And I best be taking my own advice
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Old 03-29-2009, 03:56 PM   #13
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S/C/G: 311/180/170

Height: around 5'10"


Hi Sumuya, welcome. It's great that you've shared your story here with us. I can totally relate. I wasted a lot of time being fat and missed out on a lot of things that normal people don't think twice about. I still regret that, and I probably always will. But I don't live in the past anymore and I'm not the same person, and you don't have to be that person anymore either.

I think you should consider seeking counselling, like Blasphemie suggests, because you have shared with us some deep issues that you have with your self esteem. There is nothing wrong with you at all--you deserve to love yourself and be happy. A therapist can help you do that.

Having said that, you don't need to wait until you have dealt with some of those emotional issues to begin losing weight. Like Glory said, if you're ready, you can start today. Your past experience with weight loss will help you, but I think you should try to design a lifestyle that you can live with for the rest of your life. Living on shakes won't make you happy, will it? And this is about happiness. It's not about trying to lose weight quickly, but feeling better, and that will come with making many small changes to a healthier lifestyle.

Regarding the issues with how your body looks when you lose weight: I can definitely relate there too. It is not your fault, and it's not because you lost weight too fast, or anything like that. Many people struggle with major loose skin problems. Your skin stretched and it won't go back to the way it was, so when you lose weight you get more jiggly, saggy, whatever. This sucks. But it can be disguised well with clothes. I am taking it a step further and getting plastic surgery--it's very expensive (I'm taking out a loan for it) and maybe some people would say it's drastic but I am going for it. It might be an option for you too one day, or maybe you will decide against it, but either way you can disguise it wearing clothes and it is TOTALLY WORTH losing weight even with this problem. For more info about this you should check out the "body image issues after weight loss" forum here at 3FC, and there is a "sticky" thread about loose skin.

I hope you'll give it a go! And keep coming to 3FC for support.
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