[Daimere]

Do not do not give up! 3FC is amazing and great. Try joining groups. It takes a while to get responses. I didn't even know that in 2007 people here noticed me but when I came back having regained, people were saying, "You know, you were so inspiring to me. *hug*" It was amazing. I didn't even know it.

[cfmama]

You posted 3 times in 2008.
5 times in 2009.

THAT'S IT!!!! You need to get out there! Post on weekly threads... post to GIVE SUPPORT as opposed to just getting support! To have a community you have to be PART of that community! So get posting, offer support and before you know it... you'll be the popular one at the ball

[grneyedmustang]

To her defense, I will say there are parts of the board that do appear more "clique-ish" than others.

With that being said, on the flip side, I have met some GREAT people here that I keep in touch with via PM. You never know what someone is going through...so if something they say "hits home" with you, send them a PM - even if it's just the little hug smiley.

Sometimes that goes a long way with making friends.

[Pandora123a]

I agree with grneyedmustang. When I first came I "joined" a forum. No one was rude, but no one was really welcoming either. They were a group and there didn't seem to be much room to break in.

Now I pretty much stick to the Weight loss forum and the 100 pound club. Both are active and open. As others have said, some posts get a ton of responses, others not much. I've noticed that if there aren't some quick responses to keep the thread pretty high and fresh it sinks into oblivion.

Also, at one time I was very conscientious about making lots of comments. Now, if what I think has been said, I don't post just to post. I'm also a bit lazier about welcomes...I'll try to be better.

As Kaplods said, I also don't register most screen names. There are about a dozen folks I actively "recognize". The rest are here and welcome but I can't tell you when they joined.

[Ruthxxx]

Yes, posting a lot really helps. To quote one of our wise moderators

If you feel apart from the crowd ... you should check to see who stepped away.

[TryinAgain5402]

Something drove me to check back today - I'm embarassed to see how wrong I was. Like everyone else, life's problems seem to be getting worse by the day. I responded to a couple of threads looking to be a part of something that didn't materialize: I took the lack of response personnally. Thank you to all for your support; it means more than you'll every know.

[Shannon in ATL]

Hang in there sweetie. Like other people have said already, it isn't anyone leaving you out on purpose, it is just a big place. I posted a lot of things before I found somewhere I felt comfy, too, but now I have two forums I'm pretty active it. It can be done!

[kaplods]

I think here (and often in real-life too) to be actively embraced by any group (especially if it's established), you almost need a very outgoing personality and a thick skin (ideally thick enough not to even notice when you're not being noticed). If you aren't that kind of person, you sometimes can get in when someone who does have those personality traits takes you under their wing. In real-life, we call it cliquishness, but I think it's really just fear. The "new person" is often intimidated at the prospect of introducinghim/herself to the crowd, and may be overlooked, because most of the established members may feel just as intimidated. One of the reasons many clubs have welcoming committees is because of this very thing. Meeting people is awkward, whether you're old or new. What makes it hard here, at least outside the Introductions forum, is that many of us aren't paying attention to who we're talking to - so we don't have a clue who might need a little extra support.

My mom thinks I'm a freak. Even when I was a very small child, I went up to people and just started talking (usually to my mother's horror). I was oblivious to her concern - at least during the situation. Getting to SHUT me up was (and is) the bigger problem (yet in a large group, I also feel very awkward with introductions).

My Mom is very socially awkward, and is always concerned she is being judged. Whether she's new or not, she complains about how "unfriendly" everyone is (even to anyone who makes a gesture, she'll give a compliment that can almost seem backhanded, "I'm so shocked to have someone say hello to me, everyone here is so unfriendly," a person who likes the other people in the club doesn't know what to say or how to respond to that).

Here I don't think it's exactly the same, because we can be chatting away with someone and have no idea whether they started here today or have been here from the beginning.

I've posted in groups to which I definitely don't belong, and have been welcomed - but I'm also very proficient at the verbal equivalent to double dutch - I just jump right in and start yammering (or maybe it's more the equivalent of a spaghetti western - going in with guns blazing). If no one seems to have been suitably attentive or impressed by my profound wisdom - I may even repeat myself.

There are a couple of groups that I have felt completely out of place - but I no longer suspect that people were intentionally ignoring me. Rather if I look at the thread and my post more closely, what I want to talk about isn't really important to that group.

Another thing that happens sometimes, is I'll get no response to one of my mini-novels, and think that I offended someone or something because there was no response. Then a person or two PM's me and says how much they like and find themselves nodding to themselves when reading my posts (not always noting specifically which ones, but sometimes to the ones that received no reply).

It makes me wonder, how many people think "that is so true," but never think to respond. Maybe they're intimidated at posting at all, maybe they think they'd feel stupid if they had nothing more to add than saying "how true," maybe they didn't have time and then forgot (I left a person hanging for a week after a PM, because I had forgotten that I hadn't sent my reply - I had saved it to respond to later, because I had to get to an appointment, and then forgot).

I also have a bad habit of only checking "new" posts, rather than subscribing to threads. This means that if I overlook a thread, I won't see it again until someone else posts. This can look like I'm ignoring someone who is trying to talk to me. I've gotten a PM or two asking why I refused to respond (talk about embarassing, when you don't reply to a thread you started).

I think the bulletin board analogy really is perfect. Imagine if this site were in real life - a huge bulletin board the size of a football field, and we were all trying to communicate by leaving notes for other folks, who left notes posted nearby to respond. Can you imagine how difficult it would be for people to find and notice our notes, and for us to find and notice the replies and for the people to notice our reply to their reply....

[DCHound]

Excuse me; I'm going to raise my voice for a second:

KAPLODS WILL YOU PLEASE WRITE A BOOK.

(Assuming you aren't published already.)

You are an amazing writer. I'm a writer myself so I'm a pretty good judge, I think. I'm one of those who doesn't respond to you much but I find myself nodding along with every single one of your posts. PLEASE write a book. You are an amazingly good and very profound writer.

Now back to your regularly scheduled thread. (Oh, and TryingAgain5402, glad you read the thread and welcome back!)

[ringmaster]

I'm a newbie here too. Maybe there can be a new people's group?

[srmb60]

Kaplods said this ... It makes me wonder, how many people think "that is so true," but never think to respond.

Very true! I read and think "I agree" but I surely don't post that every time. Also ... If someone has already posted about what I think, I don't repeat it. And yes, I have forgotten to go back and respond. I've even forgotten that I've asked a question.

Here's my tip for folks who are having trouble feeling 'fit in'. Find a few posters who you appreciate. Find more of their posts and read there. If you appreciate someone's situation or method or style ... you'll probably enjoy their threads-of-choice as well.

[kaplods]

Originally Posted by DCHound

Excuse me; I'm going to raise my voice for a second:

KAPLODS WILL YOU PLEASE WRITE A BOOK.

(Assuming you aren't published already.)

Thanks so much!

Hubby has been nagging and nudging on this very topic, and this week blew a bit of a gasket over it. - I keep talking about various writing projects, most of which haven't gotten past the planning stage. He says the amount of writing I've done on 3FC probably is the equivalent of a book by now (I wonder if there's an easy way to print out all my former posts to use as reasearch on the topic).

I have promised him to put aside all of my hobbies and write, instead. I'm supposed to spend half my time here and half my time writing my book (a novel), but I haven't gotten that balance yet (it's more 80/20 or maybe even 90/10).

We're moving in a few months, so part of me keeps wanting to put it off until "after the move," but I realize I've been putting my writing on hold for one reason or another since 1992 (When I got my first and only publication, a short story on a magazine - it's on my 3FC Blog (oh poop, I haven't blogged in a while, I'd better see if it's still there).

Sorry for the hijack, everybody

[shcirerf]

Great posts and advice all!

I haven't been at this forum very long and still haven't quite gotten comfy, but that's ok. I have some great friends on other forum boards. They aren't diet boards. One is a board with a company where I do online business, made a ton of great friends and learned a lot.

In the mean time, although I made lots of good friends, there were a few of us you could call rednecks. So one of these great ladies started her own forum board. I'm comfy in both places, the biz one is a bit more formal, but we still chit chat about biz and life, babies, weddings, illness, etc. and congratulate each other and hold each others hands. The more redneck informal board is much more liberal in what we say, we can swear, whine, b****h and moan.

All that being said, forum boards are a whole different climate than real life.

I have friends all over the world (England, Australia, Boston, Florida, South Carolina, Norway, Sweden, Okinawa) that I've met on boards, all great folks, different ages, family situations, lifestyles, single, married, kids, no kids, military, opera singer, retired, working, farming, gay, straight, and on and on. I don't expect an immediate response to a post because we all have lives in the real world and real time. If I ask Moon a ? I don't expect for her to respond for at least 12 hours, she lives in England, I live in Nebraska. Time zones.

Forums are like any other form of communication, you have to get used to the ebb and flow of what is going on. Texting, email, chat rooms, instant messaging, phone calls, real life conversations, all have an ebb and flow of how they work. Hang in there, you'll figure it out.

Ok, how's that for jumping in and hijacking the thread?

I really am very outspoken, just hanging out and getting the hang of 3fc.

What I really love to do on boards is play the devils advocate. Not to be mean, but to make people think. This comes from working for a newspaper and getting all the complaints from folks who didn't like the editorial cartoons are articles we ran. I used to tell the folks that called and complained, "I understand why you did not like xyz, but it made you think didn't it? If we would not have published it, you would have never thought what you're thinking. So we stimulated your brain"

Ok, I've rattled enough for one night, must go post my12377 steps in the team wolf thread.

Have a good weekend all!

[JulieJ08]

Here's one reason some responses may not get written - if the post is long, or more often, the thread is long and involved, I'm hesitant to post about some little point when I haven't thoroughly read the post / thread and don't really have the time to respond carefully, especially if what I'm inclined to say might possibly bother someone. Lately it seems I only have time to scan, and I've seen so many threads go sour over people feeling misunderstood, which often happens when you just post the little point you want to make without writing an additional paragraph explaining what you're NOT trying to say. And of course, it's the really interesting threads that are complicated