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Excited, but a little freaked...musing/rant lol

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Old 03-04-2009, 11:32 AM   #1
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Default Excited, but a little freaked...musing/rant lol

Ok so I have been big most of my life. Went from a relatively normal kid to a fat kid an obese teenager and young adult...I'm 24 now. I've always been big and now i'm good at being the big guy. When people describe me...they of course say "You know, the heavy-set guy...real tall"(I don't consider myself THAT tall...i MIGHT be 6'4''). I know I can lose weight,because I know I have the drive to do so...but I kinda don't wanna lose who I am. I been so caught up with loving me....that I kinda love the big me and don't know what it will be like to be smaller. I mean...I want it...DEFINITELY...but I don't know. Also if I lose all this weight and still look "ew" because of hanging loose skin. I'm gonna lose my mind! I am very healthy now,besides my sheer weight....I have good mobility,good blood pressure,no diabetes...no breathing issues...aside my dumb allergy congestion...lol. Alot of my motivation for losing weight is looking better! (along with being proactive concerning what could happen from obesity...) ANOTHER big deal for me and sadly a huge reason for me losing weight is easier shopping...lol... I really,really love clothes! I don't am I crazy...missing the point of weight loss and health...or are these somewhat understandable worries?

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Old 03-04-2009, 11:46 AM   #2
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Very insightful post!
When I last lost lots of weight, I was almost exactly the opposite to you - twice your age, and the short, fat, cuddly one, the one people liked to take their troubles too.
I have to say that, because I lost it fairly slowly, over 2 years, my self-image changed slowly along with it - but some people never liked what I'd become, and I got all sorts of 'you look gaunt' 'you've gone too far' comments. Believe me, I hadn't!

I think your worries are insightful and understandable. I think that who you see yourself may well change as your weight changes.
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Old 03-04-2009, 12:01 PM   #3
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Thanks for replying...and me being the tall big guy, I still have the cuddle factor...lol...people love to hug all the padding! LOL. Now see...I don't wanna have the Oprah-head thing going on! I already know my head is big period! I already have friends saying my goal weight is too small. That they can't imagine me "that small" and that I won't look right. I'm sure Oprah thought she looked great when she was her tiniest, but I think she looked her best at in her "medium" state...she looked proportioned and fit. Not like a skinny bobble-head...I don't know. I tend to try and not be so image-conscious...but the sad truth is I'm very aware of the fact that this weight loss thing could go very wrong aesthetically...lol
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Old 03-04-2009, 12:01 PM   #4
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First of all...I think you deserve a round of applause for loving yourself at at your current weight...many people have a self loathing problem and it's so important to love ourselves at any weight. That being said I agree that you will learn to love yourself at your new weight. I think if you're doing it healthy that it will be a gradual change and you'll just "become" the new you. I know for myself I sometimes look in the mirror and still see who I thought I always looked like...it's not until I go shopping that I notice the big difference. Except now I see collar bones (they were lost for some time!) and every now and than I notice a jaw line that had also disappeared. You've got height working for you too! Don't worry about looking "ew"...I bet you'll look great!!
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Old 03-04-2009, 12:13 PM   #5
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lol thanks Michelle...Now the whole "not really noticing until you go shopping" thing sounds SOOO appealing to me for some reason!! LOL...I could still be me! Yeah, I had to learn to love me. Weight joke/comments used to really bother me when I first started being noticably larger than the other kids...But i had to get over that...I admit I kinda turned into the slightly mean smart mouth who was KILLER at counter attacks...lol...which may or may not scream "over it". But somehwere along the line I started generally loving ME...and I still do! Which is why I'm in the place I'm am now lol....confused because I love the "fat personality"...but want the healthy/fitter body...I know I can learn to love myself no matter what, but...i mean GARSH...that's a process!!

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Old 03-04-2009, 12:24 PM   #6
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I know EXACTLY what you mean!!!
I just turned 31 and have always been a big girl. I have no idea what i will look like thin. What if i'm ugly? hahaha! but seriously, i get what you're saying about losing a piece of your identity. After losing 75lbs i went from being the fat girl to the short girl or the curly haired girl, or my personal favorite- the loud one. lol! It was really weird. But i'm liking that. Oh yeah, and i'm still totally me. Facets of my personality that were more subtle to others, and not as in your face as being severly overweight, are starting to get noticed. and the loose skin thin- i'm not gonna lie, it does kinda suck. i just started going to the gym in hopes that muscle will attach itself to my yucky skin. i still have another 60-70 to lose, so we'll see what happens. But i look great in clothes!!! and really- i've gotta look better naked too, even with a lil bit of saggy skin!!!! good luck buddy!!
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Old 03-04-2009, 12:54 PM   #7
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LOL thanks for replying...and yes! WHAT IF I'M UGLY...i've been big,but always seen as nice-looking...what if I end up looking whack...what if my large cheeks are helping my facial features??? or what if my large frame is diminishing just how big my head really is?? lol. This is silly, but serious stuff!!
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Old 03-04-2009, 01:49 PM   #8
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I suppose that when you get to goal, if you don't like it you could always eat it back.....
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Old 03-04-2009, 02:49 PM   #9
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My friend the time to lose the weight is NOW while you are still young and strong and mobile. Trust me when I say if you keep the weight statistics prove that medical problems WILL come with obesity. High BP, diabetes, strain on your heart, joint and back problems, the whole 9 yards.

I too was always strong and felt indestructible in my youth (I am twice your age now) and have always been active.

I too felt comfortable even when I was big but after a while I don't care how big and strong someone is the weight takes it's toll on your organs and body.

My weight eventually started grinding my knees and back down and I had to do something.

It will be SO much easier for you to lose the weight and get healthy again when you are 24 and if you wait until you are 40 like most people do it is another whole ball game!

It's great that you are thinking about this at 24! When I was 24 my health was the LAST thing on my mind! LOL!

good luck!
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Old 03-04-2009, 04:53 PM   #10
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...and I can almost guarantee that if you think you're attractive now...you're gonna be attractive with less weight too!! But LOL at eating it back if you don't like the way you look...just think of the fun you could have there! Bwahahahaha.
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Old 03-04-2009, 05:48 PM   #11
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I just gotta say, you are not defined by your weight, or appearance at all for that matter! People's personalities are way to multi-faceted to be pigeon-holed into a singular thing like "the loud one" or "the big guy".
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Old 03-05-2009, 09:19 AM   #12
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Ailidh & KiKi100...eating it all back just sounds sooooo WRONG..and a tiny bit fun! LOL jk

FlatIron thanks for the encouragement...I'm pretty sure if I don't act now, I won't act...lol. Soooooo....here I am.

Thanks for all the replies everybody
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Old 03-05-2009, 10:27 AM   #13
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From the way you describe yourself, what my father would have said about you is: "that boy could go bear-hunting with a switch!" (I'm a southerner.). If you are a tall strong guy, you really couldn't lose enough weight NOT to be able to go "bear-hunting with a switch" unless you became ill and frail.

This is my homespun way of saying, you will still be a tall, strong guy when you lose weight. You will be a buff guy instead of a big guy! You will feel great (and I bet you will look great too).

Besides...if for some reason you get to goal and don't like the way you look...you can always regain the weight. But I bet you won't want to!!

Best of luck!
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Old 03-05-2009, 11:54 AM   #14
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I was gonna say pretty much what DC said.

I just have a question. What are your stats? Are you built like a basketball player or a football player?

See, my X is 6'5" and, at his prime, 270 lbs. He is a BIG MAN. Biggest in the county in fact. He's got 2" and 20 lbs on John Elway(remember the Broncos QB). So he's a footballer. Now, he ain't never gonna be able to get down to 200(my family's southern too) though he could get to 250 and he'd still be "One Big Some Beesh".

Me, I'm 5'2 and my prime is 130-35. I'm built naturally like a body builder. If I ever got down to 110, I look(be) anorexic. We used to look like Arnold Schwartzenegger and Franco Columbo when we stood next to each other.

So, I wouldn't worry too much about it if I were you. You'll probably stop yourself before you get to looking gangly anyways.
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Old 03-05-2009, 09:57 PM   #15
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not to into the gangly look for for myself AT ALL lol...I'm lookin at 220 at the skinniest side...230 is fine for me...I think lol
I am footballer-ish...lol. Like if a lineman retired to the couch! I am 432 and round 6'4''...NO ONE believes me when I tell them my weight,but it's REALLY that much...
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