Story. I've been binging the past three days on fast food. I haven't eaten fast food in about two years, it was a huge set back for me because now I'm craving it like crazy. After a taking my camera to a park for picture taking, I got my pants muddy. I had to wash them. Got home, went to bed, woke up and pulled my pants out of the dryer. They wouldn't zip... the sides of the zipper wouldn't even meet! I put on some bigger clothes, trying not to tear up, and went to school.
There, I experience sever fish bowel syndrome. I went home after one class, I thought about forgoing food a few days to make up for what I had eaten. Decided that wasn't healthy and had a cup of grapes that I had left in the car in a ziplock. When I arrived home I felt like my body had been taken over- I walked over to the cake on the stove, peeled back the foil, and ate two HUGE pieces out of the middle (Cake 300 cal per 1/10). Went to bed and laid next to my partner who hadn't gotten out of bed yet.
She woke up and wanted to know why I was so upset, why was I so quiet and restless. "I had a bad morning, I feel like my backslide is outta control... I feel really fat... so you know what I did?" She rolled over, looked at me and said: "You ate cake." Oh.... how she knows me too well. After telling her how much cake, she put her hand on my shoulder and said. "We'll be better right now. Its not fair for me to have cake in the house when its so hard for you and it makes you this upset. I'll throw it away." She'll throw it away, she said. Tears were down my cheeks before I finished processing what she had said. She would throw away HER birthday cake because I couldn't be reasonable! I was so embarrassed. I was angry at myself too. Couldn't she have a birthday cake without me having a some sort of turmoil over it? Not even a birthday cake? I asked her not to throw it away, not even hide it which was her second suggestion when I refused, I wanted to be able to say no myself. She should be able to have a freakin' birthday cake without mouthzilla eating out of the middle, the best part. Its been a better part of the day and I haven't touched it, I kinda labeled it as hers and the problem went away... I'm still embarrassed though, because she was so selfless when I was so selfish.