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Old 03-02-2009, 06:24 PM   #1
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Default Embarassed about Birthday cake

Story. I've been binging the past three days on fast food. I haven't eaten fast food in about two years, it was a huge set back for me because now I'm craving it like crazy. After a taking my camera to a park for picture taking, I got my pants muddy. I had to wash them. Got home, went to bed, woke up and pulled my pants out of the dryer. They wouldn't zip... the sides of the zipper wouldn't even meet! I put on some bigger clothes, trying not to tear up, and went to school.

There, I experience sever fish bowel syndrome. I went home after one class, I thought about forgoing food a few days to make up for what I had eaten. Decided that wasn't healthy and had a cup of grapes that I had left in the car in a ziplock. When I arrived home I felt like my body had been taken over- I walked over to the cake on the stove, peeled back the foil, and ate two HUGE pieces out of the middle (Cake 300 cal per 1/10). Went to bed and laid next to my partner who hadn't gotten out of bed yet.

She woke up and wanted to know why I was so upset, why was I so quiet and restless. "I had a bad morning, I feel like my backslide is outta control... I feel really fat... so you know what I did?" She rolled over, looked at me and said: "You ate cake." Oh.... how she knows me too well. After telling her how much cake, she put her hand on my shoulder and said. "We'll be better right now. Its not fair for me to have cake in the house when its so hard for you and it makes you this upset. I'll throw it away." She'll throw it away, she said. Tears were down my cheeks before I finished processing what she had said. She would throw away HER birthday cake because I couldn't be reasonable! I was so embarrassed. I was angry at myself too. Couldn't she have a birthday cake without me having a some sort of turmoil over it? Not even a birthday cake? I asked her not to throw it away, not even hide it which was her second suggestion when I refused, I wanted to be able to say no myself. She should be able to have a freakin' birthday cake without mouthzilla eating out of the middle, the best part. Its been a better part of the day and I haven't touched it, I kinda labeled it as hers and the problem went away... I'm still embarrassed though, because she was so selfless when I was so selfish.
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Old 03-02-2009, 06:32 PM   #2
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I'm sorry you had such a bad day!!! I hope your day gets better! But you are doing the right thing by realizing what needs to change. Also be glad that your partner loves and cares about you enough to offer to throw away the cake.
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Old 03-02-2009, 08:28 PM   #3
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You are so blessed to have a partner who loves you enough to know that sometimes she has to sacrifice to do what's best for you. {{{hugs}}}
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Old 03-02-2009, 08:52 PM   #4
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That's some partner you got there that would do that for you!

I have to admit I probably wouldn't have thrown it away ... I would have HID IT!

Hey Red it's funny you should post this tonight because I went to my Weight Watchers meeting tonight and the topic was exactly what happened to you.

What happened to you was you had a relapse.

You were doing fine losing weight and went off track and had a relapse.

Our WW Leader (who is fantastic!) defines a relapse as, if I remember right ..

Momentarily going back to the way you used to think and eat usually followed with negative feelings towards oneself.

What she said tonight was that we HAVE to understand and accept that relapses happen in weigh loss. It's part of the process and it happens to all of us at one time or another.

And we talked about how so many of us when we do have a relapse it is so easy to just say the heck with it and eat some more because what's the use right?

The important thing is to realize relapses happen and you just get back on track as soon as you can. If you get back on track at the very worst is that you will not reach your goal as soon as you could have BUT the MOST important thing is that you are still heading in the direction of your goal!
THAT'S the difference!

One of my mentors once told me something I never forgot and now I tell you... "be gentle with yourself because you deserve it!"
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Old 03-02-2009, 10:15 PM   #5
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Such good advice from FLATIRON here, and something I am grateful to hear too! I have been struggling with something similar when people stress me out; I don't have any cake in the house but it would just be something else I didn't need at the time.

I'm trying to learn how to deal with people who irk me without blaming myself for it. It's hard to explain; we had a visitor who came over and was berating some people that DH and I like (all based on heresay and gossip) for a whole hour. I asked her several times to let it go, and finally had to get up and leave the room, and then she finally stopped. The problem -- like FLATIRON says, that night I was so upset, I had a relapse and ate a unhealthy snack ... twice! I had planned for one, but not two and went over on my day.

Like you, I was upset with myself for letting her get to me; but also that I reverted to old, bad habits to deal with this situation and I was doing so well up to that point. So, I have to forgive myself now and move on; making each new day a new start, but also realizing that we all will have these moments!
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Old 03-02-2009, 10:27 PM   #6
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It is ONLY a cake, and it's better to have it out of the house! Your partner is right about that.

I hope things are getting better for you--let your friend help.

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Old 03-02-2009, 11:53 PM   #7
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Hey, you stopped before you ate the whole cake, right??

You know, the other thing to realize is that for her it really may not have been a sacrifice -- especially because it's about YOU.

One of the things I've learned in this process is that my inner fat girl is still very much alive and kicking, and she always will be. 3+ years of going to the gym and watching what I eat do not make me immune, and I lapse too, sometimes. Heck, I feel like I've lapsed for a year!

So, know that you CAN recover from a lapse, that you MAY need help from others from time to time, and that you can't ever let yourself get too cocky when you are doing well, cause it can come back on you with a vengeance.

Good luck!!
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Old 03-03-2009, 01:29 AM   #8
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And hey, don't be afraid to cut yourself some slack, too! Yeah, you've had a bad couple of days, and you don't want to continue eating junk food (really, you don't! You want to be healthy!), but at the same time, there has to be a limit to how much you beat yourself up over this. You've made some mistakes, everyone does, and now you're going to forgive yourself and move on, with better decisions in your future. You can do it!
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Old 03-03-2009, 09:56 AM   #9
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Having a big blow out sometimes isn't so bad, you shouldn't feel guilty about it as this will make you feel worse and could cause you to do it more often. Just let it go and carry on doing your best

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Old 03-03-2009, 10:02 AM   #10
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i wanted to say that you've not eaten more of the cake and that takes will power! so, it was a minor setback and you're doing well to move on from it.

it's so hard when you just can't stop yourself, i get that feeling a lot and it's like "heck, i'm an adult why can't i do this" but everyone has their thing. for some it's food for others its drugs. it's not easy and every day you manage to not eat that cake is an achievement.
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Old 03-03-2009, 10:26 AM   #11
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I had a recent birthday cake problem so I do understand the feelings. Since I started I have never felt that way around food so it was such a new feeling for me (I eliminated everything unhealthy from my home & then started to allow the kids to have packaged cookies, etc here). Don't try to beat yourself up too much..it sounds like you have great support from your partner

Plus you were able to say no afterward! I thought my stomach was going to come through my navel and chop down on it even if my lips said no. My DH threw our cake out finally, it went stale...my sister had sent it home with me but it was half the cake, ugh!

No point to my story other than to let you know you are not alone *hugs*
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Old 03-03-2009, 01:51 PM   #12
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Not sure I should say this, but when I mess up a little bit, I tend to lose more weight a few days later than I normally would. I think it's important to build in some splurging calories every now and then - it won't hurt you as much as you think. Not sure why that is but the important thing is to jump back on track.

You are lucky that your partner is so supportive. I am lucky too with my husband, but when I celebrate birthdays with extended family or friends, I usually get crap for trying to stay away from the cake. Why should that be? I'm trying to be healthy and make smart choices and I get guilt trips for doing that?
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Old 03-03-2009, 03:37 PM   #13
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I agree with what everyone else said! You're going to relapse, it's a given. It's not the relapse though that causes failure, it's how you choose to handle it.

You can relapse with anything because I think anyway that anything can become an addition. Gambling, working too much, shopping, smoking, whatever. No one is perfect and I think expecting perfection out of ourselves only leads to further disappointment.
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Old 03-04-2009, 04:44 AM   #14
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Thanks everyone, especially flatiron, those were powerful words and reality checks. I may print off these replies and keep them with me... I never thought of relapses in weight loss. I sort of always put it in a few stages: Am Fat, Am trying to Not Be Fat, and Not Fat. I never really grasped that the journey in between had more than just bumps, never even thought of relapses (And I've been to OA!). This is kinda an epiphany I think.
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Last edited by Reddalice : 03-04-2009 at 04:47 AM.
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Old 03-04-2009, 09:15 AM   #15
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What a powerful epiphany!!

The implications are wide-ranging. You can't get complacent. Because it's not just the journey between Fat and Not Fat where there are bumps. After Not Fat is Maintenance. And the same struggles continue there.

On the plus side, there are LOTS of us who are working it, and joining together. Check out the maintainers' forum! It's for you, too!
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