3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community  

Go Back   3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community > Support Forum > Weight Loss Support

Weight Loss Support Give and get support here!

Pushing People Away...

Thread Tools
Old 03-01-2009, 09:21 PM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: State College, PA
Posts: 93

S/C/G: 175/?/130

Height: 5'2

Unhappy Pushing People Away...

I hate that I do it but when i start to diet, I always push away the people that are trying to help me. My boyfriend suggested that I not get desert after dinner today and it was something I really wanted and I got upset with him for almost an hour afterwards. Does anyone else have this problem? You know that your loved ones are just trying to help you reach your goal but you still get angry with them when they tell you things you dont want to hear...I really do feel terrible. Food should not have this kind of power over me and my relationships!
hcred123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 09:25 PM   #2
Registered Nut
RN BSN 2009's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 722

S/C/G: 325/325/150

Height: 5'6"


Yup. I have them banned from commenting about anything.
RN BSN 2009 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 09:32 PM   #3
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 94


Is it the food, or is it that you just don't like that style of "helping". Helping is in quotes because while it's usually done out of good intentions, that style of trying to guide people's diets rarely goes over well. It can make people defensive, which I think is a natural reaction. Maybe you could suggest ways for your friends/family to help that won't make you feel bad? Like asking you to go for a walk with him, after dinner, or finding a new healthy recipe he'd like to try etc.
frieden is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 09:37 PM   #4
kisskiss's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 880

S/C/G: 299/135/fit

Height: 5'5''


I get you. I hate when my mom tells me "are you sure you want that (insert dessert)". I mean, usually if I am splurging on a dessert it's because I am within my caloric means. and even if I am not, I still don't need someone telling me what I can and cannot eat, even if they say it with the best intentions..but I try not to get mad. Bc i know they are trying to help me. I just feel like I know what I can and Can't eat. {hugs}
kisskiss is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 09:56 PM   #5
Senior Member
MandiK's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Blaine, MN
Posts: 332

Height: 5' 6


I would get annoyed too! When you plan a special treat into your day, it's frustrating when people make comments about it. Just let your family/friends/bf know that you are going to do this diet your way and please try not to help you, even though you know that they mean the best.

I was at my cousins baby shower last weekend and my sister said "You can't have cake, it's not on your diet".... I was mad! I can have anything I want, as long as I plan it into my day. I didn't even WANT cake, so why would she say anything about it?
MandiK is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 09:58 PM   #6
Maintainer since 7-3-2009
Lori Bell's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: A Nebraska Farm
Posts: 3,087

S/C/G: 333/160/145

Height: 5'6"


Did you ask your boyfriend to "help" you? or does he think it's his place to tell what you should or shouldn't eat? I mean did you say something like, "Honey, I REALLY want to lose weight and I'm having a hard time giving up desserts, will you help me avoid them?" Or is he being a male shovanist and wants his woman "thin and hot" ? If it's the latter, get used to it honey, because he'll never change.

I dated a very overweight guy once back in college and at the time I was probably around 170 pounds (and always on a diet), and he was probably 300 pounds. He'd eat dessert but lecture me almost any time I ate anything...Thankfully he dumped me when I gained 10 pounds...lol
Lori Bell is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 10:27 PM   #7
Senior Member
jajabee's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 255

S/C/G: 213/ticker/155

Height: 5'9"


Well... it depends on how he says it, but if you're on plan and have worked in the dessert, why not just tell him (in a non-defensive and understanding way) that you've budgeted in this treat by being extra good the rest of the day, and you've really been looking forward to it? And if you haven't budgeted it in, and eating the dessert will put you off-plan... well... maybe you shouldn't have the dessert? Again, it's all about how he says it, and if there's no way he can say it that won't make you upset, then it's probably best to just explain to him (at some time other than dessert time) that this is something you're going to have to do yourself, without input from him. Good luck!
jajabee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 10:37 PM   #8
Senior Member
loveLauren's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 132


After many failed dieting, I finally asked my bf for some help. He'd always let me cave and get whatever I felt like and this time I really want to do this. So whenever I get pouty about wanting some Ben & Jerry's, he throws it back in my face, which I need. Tough Love.

But I know what you're going through. I hate being told what to do. Especially about eating. Because I always always take it the wrong way. And the worst part is, I know I'm being a brat about it, too.

But I agree with the other posters, next time just tell him calmly that you'd like to diet your own way and thank him for the help.
loveLauren is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 10:41 PM   #9
PleaseLuise's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 54

S/C/G: 275/205/150

Height: 5'5 1/2"


If you don't want him to be your "food police", tell him. If you feel like you need that, accept what he says and don't eat the dessert.

Men aren't mind readers, he needs some boundaries. If he chooses to cross them after you have laid them out. Lay him out.

I know that is easier said than done...
PleaseLuise is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 10:45 PM   #10
Senior Member
brooksrm's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 320

S/C/G: 216 / 144 / 130

Height: 5'3"


I'm in kind of the same situation but not really. People offer me junk food all the time and I decline politely trying to explain that I'm watching what I eat. But then when I slip up, or even when I budget for a treat, I hear about it! I just take it in stride and take one day at a time. It also depends on the source. Some people comment because they want me to succeed, but other people I think are jealous, or frustrated because I didn't want to give in when they wanted me to.
brooksrm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2009, 12:59 AM   #11
badbaum's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 46

S/C/G: 165/see ticker/145

Height: 5'6"


This is one of the toughest problems, I think. My husband is super supportive, and has point-blank asked me what I needed from him. He has says he just has no idea how to talk to me about food. And honestly, I don't know what to tell him. Sometimes I want him to intervene, and sometimes I don't. But he can't read my mind. So sometimes, if he says something I am not in the mood to hear, I try to remind myself that he is just trying to help. And I tell him to back off if necessary, and he does!

Not to mention, I know he loves me the way I am. I know, if it weren't for me trying so hard, he wouldn't be saying anything.

Can you have an honest talk with him? If this is a serious relationship, he needs to know where you are coming from and how you can communicate in the long term about eating/dieting etc. It is never perfect, but at least talking about it is a good step.
badbaum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2009, 07:33 AM   #12
Athendta's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Louisville, KY (though really I'm a Michigander)
Posts: 75

S/C/G: 185/180/155

Height: 5'8"


I have the same problem with my husband. One one hand, I don't want him to enable me. On the other, I don't want him to not let me have something I had planned into my diet. It sucks, because it's just so easy when he's around, to go out to eat, but then if I tell him not to let me, it backfires when I PLANNED eating out into my diet for the day. LOL

Really, the only cure is to tell everyone not to say anything about what you eat, and also not to OFFER anything, and to learn willpower on your own. Willpower is hard to develop, too.
Athendta is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2009, 12:41 PM   #13
mmm nutella
hotnewspirits's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Toronto
Posts: 172

S/C/G: 177/see ticker/135

Height: 5' 5 1/2"


I have explicitly told my boyfriend that things he can do to help me are:

1) If I'm having dinner at your house, try to make it healthy, no white rice or potatoes. steamed vegetables and protein and salad or whatever.

2) Not tempt me into eating out.

3) If I choose to have dessert or a small bowl of ice cream, SAY NOTHING. I know better than any one what I want to eat and what I deserve. If I want to have a treat after dinner on a Saturday night I don't want my boyfriend sizing what I'm eating up.

It's awesome having support from your significant other, but in the end it's really up to YOU. You can't get all diet gung-ho and tell hm to stop you from eating any and all sweets and then get angry when you want a treat and he gives you a look. I'm doing this for me, I'm doing it to benefit myself, and I don't want a physical manifestation of my diet conscience around plagueing me.
hotnewspirits is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2009, 02:30 PM   #14
Love Thyself
moonkissed's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Western NY
Posts: 518

S/C/G: 231/214.6/165

Height: 5'7"


sigh I wish my husband was a mind reader lol. There are times when I wish he would just be like hmm are you sure you really want that and other times that even if he gives me a look it would break my heart or have me angry lol.

I think we have to remember it isn't easy for those around us too. They probably feel a bit helpless and unsure how to approach us about the subject. I think it is important to be open and honest and clearly say what you expect from them. I know when I told my husband I wanted support that it was not a clear enough answer because we had very different ideas about what support meant lol.

In the end for me atleast I find it best if they just offer encouragement, positive stuff only and leave the rest to me. If I screw up it is on me and I am the only one that can really know what my current plan is or what I am thinking so it is best this way.
`*..* ♥ Life is a journey,
..*) .*) not a destination ♥

"A year from now you'll be glad you started today."
My Food TrackerMy New Diet Journal

1= for every 10lbs lost

moonkissed is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2009, 02:35 PM   #15
Athendta's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Louisville, KY (though really I'm a Michigander)
Posts: 75

S/C/G: 185/180/155

Height: 5'8"


My husband knows by now, at least, not to bring treats into the house. If he does want a big bag of candy for himself (he has better self control and won't eat it all in one sitting like me), he knows he had better hide it, and hide it good, or else I will eat it ALL and then be pissed at him.
Athendta is offline   Reply With Quote
Posts by members, moderators and admins are not considered medical advice
and no guarantee is made against accuracy.

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:25 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.3.2